Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Oh Getdown sorry you're having a hard time at the moment. Try not to get too wound up about your dd (easier said than done I know) as they always know how to push your buttons.
I found the pre-school years quite hard as my dds were often lovely one minute, then totally horrible the next. I had problems with food too especially getting my eldest dd to eat. She used to eat all the homemade purees I made her as a baby and then when she hit two started to get really picky. I found it very hard not to take it personally when she didn't eat. In the end I just had to back off and trust that she would eat when she was hungry.

With your work is there any way you could swop a day? or even drop one? Maybe even have a chat with your doctor if you can't get leave and see if you could be signed off for a bit just to give you a break? It's horrible when you don't want to go in and it might give you time to think what you want to do. I don't know if you're in a position to just leave.

Waking early is annoying isn't it? I find I do this a lot. It might just be that your hormones are adjusting (the clock change hasn't helped me), and it will probably settle down. HTH and you have a better night tonight.

Poor you getdown sorry you feel fed up . With the work thing, I have a technique for dealing with my colleagues bitching about eachother - I just start say positive things about the person they are moaning about, which normally throws them! I think just ignoring them is another way to deal with it, but if it gets too much I will change the subject. I get paranoid too worrying what people say about me, but I really try and remember the people who do love me and care about me instead.

I'm not sleeping very well either at the moment, just keep waking up. I went back to the doctor today who said categorically that zopiclone are not addictive . Is that definitely wrong? I would love him to be right! I think he is talking out of his arse, personally, but am not medically qualified! On the bright side I've finally got a CBT referral form that should go through fairly quickly, which apparently I could have been given months ago - but they told me it wasn't possible. I just can't seem to get on with GPs!

I'm really thrown about work. It was going OK but have just found out my really good friend is leaving (the only person I really trust there), and there are all kinds of ramifications as a result, including someone on my level being instantly promoted without there having been any kind of process! I'm just 'out of the picture' because I'm part time and have had a baby. I believe that is discriminatory, but my friend advises me not to stress about it and let it go. I wasn't there today as it's my day off but I'm back in tomorrow and apparently the atmosphere is terrible. I'll really miss my friend it's good to have someone at work that is genuine . Do you have anyone you really get on with getdown?

Getdown sorry it's so hard - I went through a long spell of 4/5am waking last year when I was really struggling. It seems prime time for overthinking things.

How about possibly it is time for dd to go to nursery instead of with your mum? Sounds like she can do with the stimulation if she's alone a lot with your mum. And it may mean no more mum?

I know it costs a lot - I work part time and a third of my wages goes on nursery fees, but i have no other option (ie family), I want to work and ds thrives in nursery.

I don't want to give any more practical advice - just give you space to rant.

My exam is over, I'm totally flat and tired. i did sleep from about 12.30 until just before 6.30 in one go. I know there was a lot of prayer being said for me and that must have helped. It saved me, but all in all it was too much and my concentration was still a problem. Not to say I flunked it, but I'm not sure.

Arcadia I use that technique too - it seems that bitching is just human nature, sadly - all my 'mummy' friends are terrible for bitching and I often worry 'what are they saying about me?'. Even on our big holiday two of my friends were bitching about the third and I (my usual position) was sitting on the fence. The 'third' one was getting stressed about the mess and kept trying to organise the rest of us and me and the other two resisted. But they bitched and bitched about her. I just kept quiet or said nice things to stop the bitching.

By the way your GP is wrong. Google zopiclone. My health visitor said the same thing (and it was because of her I took them for nearly three weeks). The first night I stopped I was wide awake all night. They really should be taken with caution. I think your body starts to 'expect' to sleep on them and it loses the ability to sleep without.

GetDown big hug to you. I read your post and just wanted to pop over (if only time travel is possible) and see you. I agree the preschool years are hard. I found the emotions and tantrums and contraryness very hard to deal with. DS2 is just coming out of that age now. As for mothers. Well, I think you are a saint coping with having your mum visit two nights a week. Mine would drive me mad! And you will get pregnant again soon. You got pregnant first month of trying! You are obviously very fertile! Remember you are still grieving at the moment and all these other things are going to seem much larger than normal. Your hormones are still a bit all over the place.

It's so nice to come on here and be surrounded by lovely friends

Well done for getting through your exam today madmouse I hope you are being thoroughly spoilt tonight with wine and chocolates and that you get a lovely restful night tonight.

arcadia I seriously would not trust that GP as far as I could throw him (I am a rubbish throw BTW). He is TOTALLY talking out of his arse about zopiclone. becky is totally right you only have to have a little flirt with Google to find some horror stories like here for example [shudder].

They are useful in their place (I confess I had half a tablet of zopiclone myself on monday night) but definitely not something for regular use. I see them really as a last resort kind of option. Did you talk about amitryptyline (sp?) with him again? Do you think you will switch GPs now? Good news about the CBT but annoying you could have had it ages ago Sorry to hear your trusted friend at work is leaving, that sucks

thanks for your advice orangeflutie re. DD - she is a nightmare at the moment re. food. Always has been actually, but particularly bad at the moment. Am really hoping it;s just a phase, but honestly, it makes my blood boil. Sometimes it takes all my strength to restrain myself from shouting something really awful at her like "well don't bloody eat anything all day then see if I care" but I know even if I did it would only make things worse. And it's precisely because I do care that I get so worked up about it. Thank goodness DH has been home in time for dinner time the past few nights otherwise I might have gone totally round the bend. He is much more rational than me - I do laugh at him sometimes though - trying to reason with a 2 year old As if they have any kind of reasonableness at all!!!

Thanks re. work - I couldn't really cut down my hours any more than I already have - I only do 16hrs a week. DD already does Mondays in nursery and it really wouldn't be cost effective to put her in for two more days. We would be paying out more than I bring in, which is fine for a job that you love, but not for a job you hate.

DH is also not loving his job at the moment, and I feel a bit nervous about the thought of jacking mine in, but can't really see another way at the moment. He has seen another job advertised that quite appeals but it is a big drop in salary.

Feels like we are at such a crossroads at the moment - so many options - possible new jobs, possible no jobs, possible baby, possible changes in childcare arrangements arrrrghh.

becky thanks for the hug - it would be so nice if you lived round the corner and could pop over - all of you, actually! I would make us brownies The bitching thing is horrible isn't it, thank you for your ideas becky and arcadia - saying a positive thing about the person is a good technique.

GetDown I looked at that website last night and it made me shudder remembering my obsessive googling of zopiclone back in January and having to convince DH that I shouldn't be taking them. There are some poor, sad desperate people out there :( It's really sad. It was reading those websites that made me determined to battle this without resort to drugs.

Morning all

Woke up from dh getting up to shush ds at 4.30 and that was it. Mind was racing, got hot bothered and panicked. Started manically trying to remember what I wrote in the exam to see if I would have scored enough points to pass, could not work it out, started worrying about failing, then suddenly got new memories about how my abuser would even tell me I wasn't doing it good enough, that if I wanted it (!!) I had to do it properly

I ended up texting my friend in total panic at 5.30am (what would I do without a friend who is totally awake at that time) and he calmed me down a bit. Snoozed a bit eventually from 6.45-7.15.

Feel so low

Really sorry to hear you had such a bad night madmouse . I've had that post exam night stress thing before and it's horrible, but it sounds even worse with your PTSD. Hope you feel better as the day goes on.

Becky and GetDown you are just panicking me again! It's great becky that you've managed without medication and I really do admire that. however I am in a situation now where I really need to be sure of getting sleep before work which is why I am resorting to these pills just on those nights of the week whilst I start back and build my confidence again. I need someone to tell me the safest way to use them, rather than telling me it is totally fine or completely catastrophic! That is why I'm changing GP in the hope that I'll get someone more knowledgeable. I'm also referring myself to CBT, and starting reflexology soon.

Last night I took a low dose zopiclone and had a bad night .

Arcadia I am a bit worried that you are creating some sort of psychological dependency, feeling that you need to have some insurance policy to make sure you sleep before work. That was fine for the first night or even week but maybe not for the longer term.

Coul you brave it without say on a Thursday night so that if you don't sleep well the weekend isn't far off?

If this is very unhelpful you are totally free to ignore.

Hey arcadia didn?t want to panic you sorry my dear, as I said, Zopiclone have their place and are useful as a last resort when it?s really essential you get some sleep. However, they really are not a long term solution. I?m worried for you that you might start thinking you need them. You don?t need them, trust your body that you can sleep. We all have a bad night occasionally and in that case a pill every now and then is ok, but you don?t need them every week. Work will make you tired enough to sleep naturally.

Something like a sedating AD is much more appropriate longer term. I think if you change GPs you should ask again about sedating ADs. I?m so frustrated for you that you are having to fight so much to get the treatment that is most appropriate for you . But please don?t go back to that GP who told you zopiclone was not addictive

Hope work goes ok.

I had a good long chat with DH last night about work and everything else. Bless him he stayed up really late and did a massive spreadsheet of all our incomings and outgoings and showed me this morning. He said I could give up work, keep DD in nursery and that would give me some time to seek some voluntary work, in a field I really want to get into such as mental health. He said it would mean him having to stay in his current job? he has an interview tomorrow with a public sector place but the salary is a massive cut. He said he won?t go to the interview tomorrow but will stay in his current job so I can give up. I love him so much.

madmouse so sorry to hear about your awful night. Thank goodness for your lovely friend. Please don?t panic about your exam, even if you didn?t pass it surely you can take it again? What a horrible memory from your abuser ?you?re not doing it right? ? what a total b***d (sorry). You will beat him, you will. Xxxx

How are you today becky and orangeflutie?

I woke up again at 4am, then again at 5:30am. DH said to me ?it?s because you go to bed too early? !!! I said ?no, I go to bed early because I wake up so early? !!!

So Getdown - after this much support from your amazing husband are you serious about giving up work now?

Arcadia sorry too from me if I panicked you. I didn't mean to. I've always been like this: anti-medication. I go too far the 'other' way sometimes. I won't even take a parecetomol until I am in agony! I don't know why I am this way. I even worry if I have a glass of wine three nights in a row 'oh my I'm going to need wine to help me sleep'. So silly.

Madmouse you poor, poor thing. You have been under a huge amount of stress leading up to this exam. So glad you've got such a lovely friend who supports you like that. Be strong xxx

Getdown I think you'd be excellent working in mental health. You've been a total rock on mumsent to so many people (me included!!!).

Do you think so becky? I feel I have learned so much about mental health through what I've been through, I'd really love to actually use what I've learned in a job, and help other people going through it....

I am serious about giving up my job madmouse. I work as a training officer for the Library Service. It has it's ok moments, but I don't really feel like I am achieving anything, or helping anyone. And it leaves me with a horrible empty feeling.

I actually sent my manager an email this morning saying I would like to apply for voluntary redundancy and explaining my reasons. I put a return receipt on the email so I know she's opened it... but she hasn't replied. Eeek. Hope this is the right thing.

arcadia please come back! Promise we won't catastrophise about zop anymore!

Hi everyone

Madmouse hope you manage to feel better as the day goes on. Sounds like you had a really horrible night. Lucky you have good friends.

Arcadia I'm not sure whether to put this or not as you've had a lot of comments about Zopiclone. I do know that when my depression was first diagnosed and I wasn't sleeping, the GP I saw refused to give me any Zopiclone. She said I could easily become reliant on it and end up in a very bad place and 'I really wouldn't want to go there'. I have to admit I was quite at the time as I was feeling quite desperate. However she stuck to her guns and would only give me promethazine. Reading through that page about zopiclone last night I'm now glad she didn't give me any. I hope you don't become to reliant on it. It's really good you're enjoying being back at work though. It sounds a very interesting job.

GetDown that's good news if there's a chance you can give up your current job and do something more enjoyable. I think life's too short and sometimes you need to grab opportunities.

Am going to have to get my dds from school now. Speak soon x

Sorry crossed posts GetDown

Hi there orangeflutie Hope you ok today.

Just had an email from the peri-natal psychiatrist congratulating me on my pregnancy and asking to book an appointment.

she's only just seen the email I sent 3 weeks ago

Just had to reply saying it all went a bit wrong.

At least there was one good thing - she said in the email that current research shows that mirtazapine is fine to take in pregnancy So I feel less guilty now that it might have had something to do with the miscarriage

Am also feeling proud of myself because I did a trip to Tesco in the car today (haven't done that for ages because I hate the busy-ness, the parking, the manoevering, the trolleys etc. Normally I either do online shoppping or gets lots of bits on foot.)

I treated myself by buying a Krispy Kreme donut

I'm not keen on Tesco either so good for you:)

Donut yum!

Getdown it will take your manager a bit of time to reply - she can't decide that on the spot. I did the same thing more or less, well I was due to be made redundant but the stress was such that i felt my mental health slipping and so i asked HR I can go off sick or we can end it here you choose. They did and let me go with loss of wages but retention of redundancy pay.

Feeling sad for you that you got that email from your psych, but glad that you are so well 'in the system' and of course that you can put to bed your worries about the mirtazapine!

Arcadia we would not be good pals if we didn't want the best for you - I hope you are just having a busy day.

Becky you give great advice on here

I hate Tescos! we do online shopping most of the time.

GetDown I genuinely do think you'd be great working in mental health and helping other people. I would love to do somethign really fulfilling. I work in academic publishing - I enjoy it but it's hardly helping the world to be a better place except for about 0.05% of the population - those with very high brows! If it were up to me and money was no object I'd go to art college and paint for the rest of my life.

Thanks madmouse. And back to you too!

Sorry haven't been on today, not able to.
Had terrible terrible day at work . it's absolute chaos.
I feel like I can't cope.

Arcadia :( What happened?

Arcadia, I just wanted to say that I've been taking zopiclone for about a year now...for me with my PTSD, it's the ONLY way I get any sleep. Without it I would be running around my bedroom screaming every night :( It may well be addictive, but as things are at the moment (and have been for 6 years) I really don't care, as there are no alternatives!!

Oh no arcadia sorry to hear work was terrible

If it helps, vent away.

I had a fairly rubbish day too, the only slight highlight of which was the email I sent to my manager asking for voluntary redundancy

Thanks becky re. possible career move. It's all a bit unknown and scary but do feel excited about the prospect of doing something useful with my life

Big hug Arcadia, come and tell us what has happened when you are ready x