Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Hi all this week has been OK, going back to work. In fact I feel more 'normal' than I have in ages. I know the stress at work will build again but when I'm at work I don't worry about sleep at all which is great!
I've taken zopiclone but decreased the dose for last night as I felt I could manage and though I woke in the night (DD coughing a lot), I did manage to get back to sleep and haven't felt too tired today.
Propanolol seems to be helping too with nerves at work, so maybe that GP wasn't so terrible after all? . Am going back to him next week but think I'll transfer after that.

Becky where are you? We're missing you!

Time for a big glass of Friday night wine! .

Hi everyone

I have a headache this morning and feel a bit sick:(

My fault though went to friends' house in the afternoon yesterday and started on the wine. I should have had one glass arcadia:)

DDs and their dds played really well and had a good evening.

Just feel horrible now though, quite flat and tired. Going to have to eat lots I think to get through today...

Hope you all had a good night x

Hello all, I'm back.

GetDown big, big, big hug sweetie. I hope you are ok. I've been there. I know how you feel. It's not fair. It's bloody awful. I want to scream outloud at the injustice of it for you. I'm so sorry this has happened to you :(

You are not killing this thread - we are all here for each other, good and bad times alike. I've missed you guys so much this last week.

welcome home becky we have missed you too.

I am dying to know how your holiday went! How did you all get on, the kids? and your friends?> And how did you sleep??? Hope it was a fine time had by all, I expect there were dramas but hope you had a happy time.

Thanks for your kind words. I know you said before you had 2 MC. I stupidly thought it couldn't happen to me - I was wrong

It;s hard to explain isn't it. I know it was just a bunch of cells, and probably not a viable baby, but the sense of loss is more than just for the baby that never was. It's all the hopes and dreams and plans you start making... the thought of a summer baby (my WHOLE family have winter birthdays and I've always found it really depressing), the thought of an end point to work, the thought of not needing my mum coming every week any more, all my friends that are due their babies next year.... it's just all these things, that add up to one big sad disappointment.

But perhaps what I am feeling bad about most is the thought that perhaps I am somehow to blame? I know it's unlikely, but I'm only 30... they shouldn't be that common for someone my age, should they? I am terrified it was the mirtazapine Please don't shout at me! I know I am crazy. But I can't get that horrible thought out of my mind. There was a rat study that showed mirtazapine increased the risk of miscarriage (although the study didn't say what dose they were on). I just feel cripplingly sad that I may in some way have caused this

Anyway I'll stop droning on. Boring myself now

REally pleased to have you back becky, can't wait to hear all about it xxx

GetDown when it happened to me, both times, I analzed and analzed what I could have done to cause it. The first time I convinced myself it was because I'd had really bad flu at about 11 weeks. The second time I had a bad urine infection and didn't go to the GP for antibiotics and worried and worried that if I had I wouldn't have lost the baby. There is no rhyme or reason to these things. I'm not going to shout at you.

First night - 3 hours sleep caused by DS3 waking at 1am-3.30am. Second night 2 hours sleep caused by panic at being over-tired including me ringing DH at midnight hyperventaliating down the phone and begging him to pick me up there and then. The next five nights - slept really, really well :) We had a brilliant, albeit chaotic time (meal times were indescrible!), time. The cottage was by the sea - with all round sea views - amazing. I want to live there.

Better go - trying to unpack!

Where has my ability to spell gone??? In the sea?

Getdown I dare say without hesitation that your miscarriage was not caused by the mirtazepine. You are taking a ridiculously low dose and you are not flippin' rat either ()

Becky funny how you did some of the things you feared you would (phone dh at midnight and begging him to come and get you) - yet you had a fantastic time and slept really well most of the time. Be very proud of yourself!

I'm so tired - My exam is on Tuesday and I've been for the last few days too tired to study. Was hoping to do so tonight but not sure. My nights are restless - last night I kept waking up to check on ds as I had convinced myself he was developing a temp

If I'm this tired Tuesday the drive to the exam venue will tire me out and that's before the exam even starts. My concentration has improved with the PTSD receding but it is still fragile.

madmouse so sorry that you are struggling right now, wish there was something I could do. I suppose at least there is the end point in sight now. Is your exam a law type one?

becky well done on your holiday sleep and for pulling it back after a shaky start! That's fantastic! Any tips? Did you use Paul McKenna? How did you overcome the anxiety on the third night?

Thanks getdown - had a slightly better night although still not great. Yes it's a law exam. If you want to give legal advice to immigrants and asylum seekers you need to sit an exam every number of years to prove you know your stuff as there are/used to be a lot of sharks in this area of law and our clients are very vulnerable. Due to the system being in a mess it has actually been 7 years since I last did it, fit and well, childless and practising full time...

A friend from my previous organisation who has already done hers just posted on my fb that it is easier than I think. Hope so!

How are you?

How is everyone?

Well you sound very clever, I'm sure you will be fine Sounds like it's in a very worthwhile cause too.

Wish I had a worthwhile job. I am getting there, rather God is getting me there, but it's taking a long time!

I am ok today, the bleeding is easing, which is making me feel a bit better.

On the third night I used Paul Mckenna (I had used him on the second night too - not the first as I'd fallen asleep fine but DS3 had kept me up half the night). It had worked in reducing my anxiety and I fell asleep just after it finished and slept very solidly and once I was 'back on track' so to speak the rest of the week was fine.

GetDown glad you are starting to feel a bit better. Your hormones will be starting to settle now.

becky I hope you don't mind me asking this personal question, but do you remember how long it took your cycle to get "back on track" after the MCs?

It's just, I so desperately want to try again, but am worried that it will take ages to get back to normal.

After I had DD it took my body flippin 18 months to get its act together and have a period. Just wondering if the MC is like a normal AF, or if it will take longer.

I know everyone is different, but just have no experience of this so don't know what to expect. The GP was not very useful and didn't seem to know the answer!

Hope you are all having a good day. We have been at church all morning and all afternoon (stayed on for a little party for a friend's baby who got dedicated this morning).

Afternoon ladies - can I join you. Not being sleeping for about a month, not depressed but very anxious about lots of things including money.

DH lost his job last September and has set up his own business. It is a long slog, limited success - we are on the cusp of getting some good breaks but are coming to the end of our money. I have increased my hours at work but it still doesn't pay the bills and our humungous mortgage.

Never been poor or really had to scrape for money so finding it tough. Fine during the day but at night can't turn off.

Don't know how I have been functioning on so little sleep, I have a cold I can't get rid off, a constant sore throat - which is rubbish as my job involves lots of talking. Even sex doesn't seem to knock me out at night

Have suffered from insomnia lots in the past so know it will pass. But in addition, when I lie in bed at night my breathing is very shallow and forced, never noticed that before.

I think I had a period after six weeks.

Hi there moid welcome I noticed your other thread and hoped you would pop over. We are a friendly bunch I've had lots of support from the lovely ladies here.

Insomnia is hideous. We've all been there. Night after night, lying there, desperately exhausted but unable to drift off.

You do sound like you have a lot of stuff on your mind.... no wonder really you are struggling with sleep.

It's good that you have the attitude that it will pass - you've been there before and you know it won't go on forever ... some of us get stuck in a horrible panicky rut thinking we will never be "better" but we are stuck with insomnia forever. The reality is not the case. We ALL have good nights and bad nights, but over the course of our lives, there are many more good nights.

You are going through a very stressful blip at the moment, and your sleep will return to normal soon I'm sure of it.

In the meantime have you tried Paul Mckenna's book I can make you sleep ... has loads of excellent tips in there about how to switch off, lots of exercises you can try, and it comes with a CD that you can play at night when you go to bed. It's helped quite a few of us.

I presume you've not gone down the medication route yet?

Hi moid welcome

I'm not an official insomniac - I just exhaust myself with endless waking at random times and then thinking about things.

As indeed I seem to have done last night grrrr.

But this is such a lovely bunch, the accept me even though I'm not a proper insomniac

getdown how's things - sorry missed you on chat yesterday

And how's everyone else?

Hi

I hope everyone had a good night. I seem to have had a restless one, I think a bit like some of yours Madmouse. I woke up about 2.00 suddenly concerned about our cat. He hadn't been back in at teatime to eat and wasn't in when I went to bed. Very unlike him. Anyway I came down and he still wasn't in so I was awake for a couple of hours worrying. It was busy round here last night with trick and treaters (my dds included) and I felt really unsettled.

Finally got back to sleep and was woken by the alarm. Cat not in at breakfast. Took dds to school and I went to work. I finally got a message from DH at lunchtime after he'd gone looking for him, saying he'd heard a really loud meeow. Our poor cat came limping towards him. It turns out he couldn't get through our cat flap because of a hurt hind leg. DH took him to vets today and then PDSA and they suspect it's broken:( He's having an x-ray and probably surgery tomorrow. He's very dopey this evening as he's been giving a strong shot of painkiller.

I'm glad he showed up as I was fearing the worst this morning, he's only two and my dds are very attached to him.

Sorry about rambling post. Hope you all have a good night tonight x

Hi all
was away at the weekend and didn't have time to write yesterday
Sorry about your cat orangeflutie, it's upsetting when animals get hurt as they don't understand. Hope he's OK.
Lovely to have you back becky you did so well! Glad you slept at the end, it's really interesting I think you've identified the pattern!
Night 1. something happens to give you bad night (e.g. baby waking, or neighbours making noise in my case)
Night 2. next night overtired and anxious about sleep and pressuring self to 'catch up' so sleep really badly
Night 3. so knackered you do sleep but then feel silly about having got into a state!

I had a bad night last night, so stupid. Had a lovely relaxing weekend and got to bed nice and early then something woke me just as I was drifting off then I got myself in a state and ended up taking zopiclone as I had work today.

Really annoyed I 'gave in' and don't want to take it but it's preferable to going into work on no sleep.

Am seeing doc again tomorrow.

Good news is enjoyed work today and did my first court hearing . Was sprung on me as someone went off sick but it was good to be back 'in action' again, and not have to worry about it beforehand!

Madmouse hope your exam goes OK tomorrow. I used to work in immigration/asylum, absolutely loved it and the clients!

Arcadia that's exactly it.

Glad you had a good day at work. It must feel great to be back. I love being busy again and having work to stress about rather than sleep.

Orangeflutie your poor cat :(

It's so true! I'm stressing about work a bit but when I'm there sleep seems really irrelevant. Even if I have had a bad night the adrenaline sees me through!
And somehow this whole nightmare year has taken away my fear of my boss!

[getdown] - How are you feeling now? I hope you're not being too hard on yourself. There's no way the tiny dose of the AD could have done anything to effect the pregnancy.

Thinking of you ...

Good morning all! I'm feeling so stressed at the moment: work, DS1's birthday, DS3's birthday (16 and 14 Nov respectively), house (a total tip), etc, etc. I need a shower or bath and I simply haven't got time unless I can persuade DS3 to play in the bathroom while I have one.

madmouse I giggled to myself about you not being an 'official' insomniac. You have been such a huge, huge pillar of strength and encouragement to us here I am so glad you hang about on this thread! I think your sort of sleep problems still qualify you to be here :) How are you feeling today?? I will send you lots of good luck vibes.

GetDown hello - I hope you are ok today.

countrylover how are you doing?

Arcadia yeah for the benefits of the nightmare year!!!! I also feel I have learnt a lot, grown a lot in the last year.

I never watch day time TV but fancied a bit of background to working this morning but they are talking about insomnia and sleep on This Morning!

Becky I missed This Morning I'll see if can catch it on iplayer. Hope you're feeling a bit less stressed now. It's so tricky when everything happens at once isn't it? My house is also a total tip, I don't seem to have time for housework what with art, knitting for school fayre and MN of course!

A quick update on my cat, he's had an x-ray today and it turns out he's dislocated his hip poor chap:( The good news is it's apparently easier to fix than a broken leg. He's got to wait a bit for an op and in the meantime the PDSA have given us painkillers. He should be OK, just looks a bit sad atm.

GetDown hope you're been ok today.

Madmouse hope you did ok in your exam.

Glad your cat's leg is not broken, but ouch! at the dislocation. Hope he is ok. Our dog cut her paw on a piece of glass a few months ago and the vet bill was enormous - thank goodness she was insured!

I've been feeling a bit crappy if I'm honest.

Unusually for me, my problem at the moment is not so much with falling asleep, but waking up too early

Seem to be waking fairly reliably at 5am or earlier/ Just about getting off again when DD comes into our room and starts shouting about something or other This morning she climbed into our bed and started scratching away at the sheets, making a hideously annoying noise and I just couldn't bear it. DH put her in front of the TV downstairs at 6am and I probably got 20mins more sleep, but just soooo tired. She's also being a right little so and so with her eating at the moment - stroppy, refusing to try things, screaming, wanting to endlessly go to the toilet during mealtimes thus causing as much disruption and distraction from eating as possible. She has literally just now screamed in my face because I had the audacity to give her butterscotch mousse for pudding. Evil mummy that I am

I have just about hit my limit with my mum too. She comes every week to look after DD which I'm very grateful for, but I just find her staying two nights a week so stressful! And we had letters home from pre-school today with endless dates for the diary such as Christmas concerts, christmas craft fayres, christmas parties.... they ALL are tuesdays - which is a work day for me. I can't possibly take them all off as A/L. It makes me so upset and angry that my mum will get to go to all these things, when I want to be there myself. Also DD cried today when mum dropped her off, which is so unlike her and I am worried that all my mum;s anxious fussing over her is making her anxious - just like it did to me when I was a little girl I have tried so hard to give DD a lot of confidence, which I never had, and I don't want my mum to ruin it.

Work has been really really bad I hate it. It doesn't excite me at all. Until recently I've muddled along but lately my colleagues have started getting really bitchy about each other behind their backs and I dread to think what they are saying about me I hate hate hate bitchiness. I just have to get up and leave my desk when one of them starts talking about someone else.

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO QUIT!!!! And I am even more sad and feeling trapped knowing that if only I was pregnant then I would have an end point to getting out

Sorry for the mega rant. Just feeling a bit low and fed up x