Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Daughter not made a sixer when a younger child was

299 replies

tomtom88 · 05/02/2025 11:10

Ok so please be kind.

Daughter is in Brownies, the old leaders left recently and a new leader took over. I appreciate all the leaders are volunteers.

Without warning - the new leader allocated sixer and seconder roles, with my daughter being given a seconder role in a group of 2 where the other girl was the same age. In another group a child a year younger, who is a lovely girl but very scatty was given the sixer role. At the meeting brown owl said these are not permanent roles because sometimes I change things and swap things about.

Daughter gutted not to be a sixer.

I messaged brown owl in a very polite way thanking her for taking over the group, expressing that my daughter was disappointed, and drawing her attention to the fact a younger girl. I asked are these decisions permanent (she has implied they were not at the session)
Anyway she got back and said, oh your daughter will get the opportunity "at some point" eg not specified so could mean never if they cannot expand the group and then stated " she couldn't now take the opportunity to be a sixer off one of the other girls" although obviously by chosing the other girls and not being flexible she has effectively taken the opportunity to be a sixer from my daughter. I would have thought she should have given thought before allocating the younger girl in yr3 to be a sixer and perhaps swapped the girls over in their groups so the yr3 became the seconder and my daughter the sixer int he other group.

Long read - any thoughts

OP posts:
Relocatethecockringsbeforethemormonsarrive · 05/02/2025 11:17

My thoughts are that you're overthinking. Not everyone can be a sixer and they have said your daughter will get an opportunity in the future. Don't be that parent and demand your daughter be made a sixer.

Weepixie · 05/02/2025 11:18

That must sting a bit Op but perhaps the scatter girl is now a sixer to help her develop more responsibility.

TeenToTwenties · 05/02/2025 11:21

I agree with you OP that it doesn't sound fair. As girls time out of Brownies the younger one would have been able to be a sixer when yours left. However at this point there is nothing much you can do so you'll just have to go with the flow.

Original poster
tomtom88 · 05/02/2025 11:23

I think the Leader is very high-handed and makes a lot of instant decisions without thinking it through. She recently changed the time of the meeting on the day the meeting was due to happen,

I do understand not everyone can be a sixer and I would be fine with this if it were a larger group and there were many girls to chose from but its a smaller group. And my concern is that the leader could have taken a different decision but chose not to.

Both of the other girls go to my daughters school, the yr3 will be a sixer for a very long time and my daughter for a very short time if at all, and it just seems to show a lack of thought for my daughter

OP posts:
sometimesmovingforwards · 05/02/2025 11:24

All I can share from experience, is that parental interference like this is exactly the cause of volunteers no longer volunteering.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 05/02/2025 11:24

This happened to me and I have never forgotten it. I left Brownies because of it!

DemonicCaveMaggot · 05/02/2025 11:25

Weepixie · 05/02/2025 11:18

That must sting a bit Op but perhaps the scatter girl is now a sixer to help her develop more responsibility.

That's the Peter Principle and it doesn't work in the world of work and I doubt it works in the world of Brownies. The new sixer should have demonstrated she was capable to earn the position.

Original poster
tomtom88 · 05/02/2025 11:25

And the further issue is that the girl my daughter is in the group with eg she is the sixer and my daughter the seconder - this girl is the same age as my daughter so would not leave before her.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 05/02/2025 11:26

sometimesmovingforwards · 05/02/2025 11:24

All I can share from experience, is that parental interference like this is exactly the cause of volunteers no longer volunteering.

Edited

This. Let them get on with it.

wandawaves · 05/02/2025 11:26

Oh God, please don't. As you said- they are volunteers. If you don't like it, volunteer.

And I don't understand the relevance of another six having a younger child as sixer... the sixes are usually formed with a lot of thought about who works well together and who clashes.
Your daughter is the same age as her sixer. If your daughter was sixer, then does the current sixer get to complain about being seconder?

Reallybadidea · 05/02/2025 11:28

I think the most helpful thing that you can do for your child in the long term is to acknowledge her feelings of disappointment and then help her to move on and continue enjoy going to Brownies. Don't be a snow-plough parent, it's really not good for children.

user04 · 05/02/2025 11:28

I mean brownies will have changed in the 40ish years since I was there but in my day you were in your six and that was that. I was in the elves. The fact that someone younger than me in the sprites was a sixer was irrelevant because she was not in my six.

Im assuming it's changed? If not then you have no cause for complaint whatsoever its pure chance.

Weepixie · 05/02/2025 11:28

That's the Peter Principle and it doesn't work in the world of work and I doubt it works in the world of Brownies. The new sixer should have demonstrated she was capable to earn the position

Perhaps she has and the Brown Oil promoted her to sixer despite the scatty side of her.

Girasole02 · 05/02/2025 11:29

sometimesmovingforwards · 05/02/2025 11:24

All I can share from experience, is that parental interference like this is exactly the cause of volunteers no longer volunteering.

Edited

This.

Relocatethecockringsbeforethemormonsarrive · 05/02/2025 11:29

I'm confused as to why age keeps being mentioned too. I don't think that has any effect on who's chosen to be a sixer.

Huskytrot · 05/02/2025 11:30

sometimesmovingforwards · 05/02/2025 11:24

All I can share from experience, is that parental interference like this is exactly the cause of volunteers no longer volunteering.

Edited

This.
Volunteer as a leader if you want to have influence. Otherwise just be grateful someone else has

Original poster
tomtom88 · 05/02/2025 11:30

I really dont think a lot of thought went into the grouping, there are currently 4 groups of 2 each and as mentioned the new lady just took over in the last 2 weeks, so again a bit early to be making these types of judgements imo

Again very difficult I think it was an unfair/inappropriate decision, that she implied was flexible that she is now saying is permanent.

OP posts:
Weepixie · 05/02/2025 11:32

And the further issue is that the girl my daughter is in the group with eg she is the sixer and my daughter the seconder - this girl is the same age as my daughter so would not leave before her

Op it’s been a good 27 years since I was a Brown Owl so speaking as a mum and granny to lots of children I think you should take a step back from this just a bit before you make yourself look silly, and you’re wee girl picks up on your upset.

TeenToTwenties · 05/02/2025 11:32

4 groups of 2 each is weird.

Sixer comes from there being 6 in the group.
So surely 2 groups of 4 would make more sense!

Pinkdreams · 05/02/2025 11:32

Oh I didn't realise brownies were still a thing

Original poster
tomtom88 · 05/02/2025 11:34

I dont think "I am making myself look silly" by asking a perfectly reasonable question. My daughter herself was upset and disappointed and as a parent I questioned the decision.

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 05/02/2025 11:34

You have no idea why. Its not just age.

My DD was made at Patrol Leader at Scouts at 11yo. There was over half the group older than her. But the leaders thought she was best for the role... and it has proved to be that way.

Remember the leader is a volunteer with other responsibilities outside of Brownies. If you aren't happy, look elsewhere

Teapotters · 05/02/2025 11:34

user04 · 05/02/2025 11:28

I mean brownies will have changed in the 40ish years since I was there but in my day you were in your six and that was that. I was in the elves. The fact that someone younger than me in the sprites was a sixer was irrelevant because she was not in my six.

Im assuming it's changed? If not then you have no cause for complaint whatsoever its pure chance.

Yes this was my thought, are you sure this isn't the case OP? Surely the 'groups' you're referring to are their Six? You can't change that. She's unfortunate that she is in a six with a same aged girl and it could only be one of them, but the other girl is irrelevant.

Wendolino · 05/02/2025 11:36

A long time ago, but in Guides, I always felt like the leader in charge didn't like me much. The patrol leader of our patrol went up to Rangers and I was next in line for patrol leader but she gave it to someone who started after me and was very lively and loud. I was quieter and sensible and I bet she thought I was boring!
Anyway, I would have died of shame if my mum had interfered and it taught me a valuable lesson - that you don't always get what you deserve, because life isn't fair and sometimes it's better to just let it work itself out. I soon got over it too, especially as new patrol leader was so unreliable that leader in charge probably regretted her decision .

Badknitter · 05/02/2025 11:36

Age doesn’t always determine sixers or the equivalent in scouts.
some people are chosen due to them being considered a sensible / responsible child or sometimes a child is given the responsibility to encourage them to be more outgoing etc etc