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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:46

We can remove our MEP

You and I both know that MEPs do sod all.

We can also remove our PM who has voting rights on our behalf in the EU

So we can remove 1/27 of the bloc that elects the new President???

We can out pressure on both those to vote in certain ways as part of the EU

Ooooh pressure.

foggyuplands · 12/02/2019 17:48

The leader of the government is determined to leave as is the leader of the opposition. The only question seems to how badly we leave. Which has to be a question for Brexiteers to sort out.
People who think Brexit is a shocking idea are not in control here.

Missbel · 12/02/2019 17:48

Red thank you for a brilliant summary of the state of the Cabinet!

I find it hard to believe that there are people who would be willing to sacrifice the peace in Northern Ireland for - well, for what?

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 17:48

I assume all brexiteers who consider the EU not to be democratic enough despite all positions being elected are fervent republicans DGR

I am also a republican and look forward to them all joining the campaign for an elected head of state for UK and of course replacing the unelected (by which I mean genuinely unelected by anyone) house lords.

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 17:49

If anyone wants to know the truth about how the different parts of the EU system works, they can find the basics here and follow the clicky links europa.eu/european-union/about-eu/presidents_en#european-parliament-president-%E2%80%93-antonio-tajani

I'm sure that some frothy mouthed individual will say it is all fake and lies. But check for your selves.

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 17:50

So we can remove 1/27 of the bloc that elects the new President???

Sounds rather more of an impact than removing 1/650 MPs doesn't it. So as I said, how is this less accountable than our own system?

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 17:50

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StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:50

I assume all brexiteers who consider the EU not to be democratic enough despite all positions being elected

Just because a position is elected it doesn't mean that organistion is somehow democratic.

A bank will elect a new Chairman. Pour example.

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 17:51

We are leaving the EU in a few weeks time

I bet you a fiver we don't actually leave.

I bet you € 5 we do. But please answer the question. Assume we have left.

You won. Your team are in control. Please be kind enough to let us know what is desired next.

QueenieInFrance · 12/02/2019 17:51

We are leaving the EU in a few weeks time

I bet you a fiver we don't actually leave.

I wouod love to take you to your owrds but unfortunately
1- i do think we will leave
And
2- the statethe U.K. is in now isn’t good enough for the EU anyway. So I think it’s better outside anyway.

Basically what I’m getting at, is that actually the EU might not want the UK there and that, for all the worry and anger at he EU, it might well be very happy to let the UK do what Leavers seem to want...
Maybe don’t wish too much for what you wouod like

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:52

Sounds rather more of an impact than removing 1/650 MPs doesn't it

No it doesnt. If we, the people, don't like what our Government is doing, we have the power to remove that Government.

That same principle just doesn't exist in the EU and it never will.

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:54

Basically what I’m getting at, is that actually the EU might not want the UK

I get your point but what the EU does need is our money.

All £39,000,000,000 of it.

Which is quite a lot.

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 17:55

0.7% of GDP- not that much really.

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 17:55

That same principle just doesn't exist in the EU and it never will.

It's exactly the same!

TheElementsSong · 12/02/2019 17:57

Meanwhile, where is that pesky 500-page Brexit White Paper?

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 17:57

If it’s not that much money lonely planet then the eu won’t object if we keep it will they...

Hazards · 12/02/2019 17:58

I'm not proud of this:

THERESA May has refused to release details of how many benefits claimants with disabilities have taken their own lives after a row over claims in a fiery PMQs clash as an SNP MP demanded the Prime Minister publish the figures.

www.express.co.uk/news/politics/909354/theresa-may-deidre-brock-dwp-benefits-payments-suicide-row

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 17:59

What 500 page white paper?

Hazards · 12/02/2019 17:59

Not proud of this either:

More than 300,000 people in Britain – equivalent to one in every 200 – are officially recorded as homeless or living in inadequate homes, according to figures released by the charity Shelter.

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 18:02

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Hazards · 12/02/2019 18:03

And finally

Not proud of this either

^Brexit: Vote Leave chief who created £350m NHS claim on bus admits leaving EU could be 'an error'
Dominic Cummings also described the referendum as a 'dumb idea' - shaping up to be a 'guaranteed debacle'^

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-latest-news-vote-leave-director-dominic-cummings-leave-eu-error-nhs-350-million-lie-bus-a7822386.html

Destiel · 12/02/2019 18:05

I do wonder if the likes of D Cummings are starting to get...twitchy you know....

They've opened pandoras box. No getting the lid back on that fucker now.

wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 18:06

What was the whole Wallonia thing about then? If you want more political accountability with us in the EU, we surely just need to change /our/ constitutional arrangements?

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 18:07

Yes I'm sure you are right whiney you won and your team are in control.

The EU are very happy to let us keep our 0.7% of GDP. We are keeping that.Cool.

Unfortunately by leaving we are losing 8% of GDP in economic plunge. Plus of course we lose unrestricted access to a market on our doorstep worth $18.8 trillion comprising 500 million consumers.

But please answer my question EU membership is done and dusted. What is next on the agenda. It's only fair for the winning bid to share their business plan.

wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 18:07

And another lol at 'we all know that Meps don't do anything'. Hm. Might have something to do with the fact that we kept electing UKIP ones that never bloody turned up to anything

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