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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
MissMalice · 12/02/2019 18:08

PMK

foggyuplands · 12/02/2019 18:09

whitney It isn't people who think Brexit is a mess who have to convince people, it is the people who are making Brexit happen who have to have a plan.
Do you think May's deal or a no deal Brexit is the way forward?

1tisILeClerc · 12/02/2019 18:09

Whiney123 and StepLadders007
In 45 or whatever days the UK is leaving. As part of this there is a very strong likelihood that several significant chinks of industry will collapse, due to JiT restrictions and regulatory procedures.
Please explain how you see the UK creating up to 500,000 new jobs to cover the losses. I have already made my 'Brexit plan' so in theory I couldn't give a stuff what you do, but I am curious and at the same time very angry that 'leavers' are jeopardising my family and friends.
Over to you........

Hazards · 12/02/2019 18:09

Dest from watching the channel four program I wondered why Cummings hasnt been hired to reverse this mess... he just seemed to want to win and shake things up. He didnt seem to have an actual opinion on brexit itself Confused

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 18:09

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RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 18:10

I do wonder if the likes of D Cummings are starting to get twitchy you know....

Oliver Norgrove denounced Leaving a long time ago.
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/sep/14/vote-leave-britain-single-market-tories-labour-brexit
I worked for Vote Leave, but I now realise Britain must stay in the single market
Oliver Norgrove

The Tories claim to be the party of economic stability yet are driving the country to a cliff edge. A Labour push for a pragmatic Brexit could be pivotal

OP posts:
StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 18:12

Some things are more important that money.

Maybe, if we weren't paying £250,000,000 million quid a week (net) so that the EU could put up fancy footbridges in Romania we could afford more things at home.

All we ever needed was a trade union. Not this political monstrosity.

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 18:14

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PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 18:15

D Cummings has always been twitchy.
What is he up to now? Have googled out today.

Do we
a) ignore the propaganda trolls
b) feed them facts

MangoSplit · 12/02/2019 18:15

Place marking

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 18:16

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Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 18:16

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BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 18:16

Some things are more important that money.

Is the answer to this one Sovereignty as well?

I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.

PostNotInHaste · 12/02/2019 18:17

So tactic of the day to derail the threads is two posters simultaneously and getting personal. As said before these postings have been really interesting to follow, the timings and stategies used.

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 18:18

Your side have cried wolf too loud too often

My personal favourite was David Cameron and that Brexit would cause World War III.

Also, Mark Carney's instant recession.

Both of which never happened, obvs.

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 18:19

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Icantreachthepretzels · 12/02/2019 18:20

I wonder if Dominic Cummings is more twitchy since that t.v show about him aired. Despite what he did, most people wouldn't really know who he was - or the role he played. He's just some bland political strategist - a background guy. He would have flown under the radar whilst Bojo et al took the (much deserved) heat of public fury, even if he did wind up in front of an inquiry - he wouldn't have been deemed a big scalp.

But then Benedict bloody Cumberbatch only went and played him and now everyone knows who is ... and who to blame.

I'd be worried if I were him.

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 18:20

*007...
*
What are you talking about
0.7% of GDP does make much of a difference. Especially when we lose 8% of GDP by leaving on the government's own ( initially suppressed) impact assessments.

Look st how much we spend on the NHS. 0.7% makes hardly any difference.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
TheElementsSong · 12/02/2019 18:21

So tactic of the day to derail the threads is two posters simultaneously and getting personal. As said before these postings have been really interesting to follow, the timings and stategies used.

Yep. Also both familiar in their particular styles, despite the namechanges. Couple of dead giveaways have come to light.

But meanwhile, where is that pesky 500-page Brexit White Paper again?

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 18:21

Sorry does not make much of a difference.

Destiel · 12/02/2019 18:21

I think there's more to it tbh.

There are leaver "types" who will think nothing of using violence and aggression when the sunlit uplands has new Albion promised by Farage, bojo, mogg et al doesn't materialise.

Interestingly, 3 houses near me have find up for sale since Friday.

They've left it too late, obv, but as I say its interesting.

bellinisurge · 12/02/2019 18:21

Interesting you see things in terms of "your side" and "cry wolf".
If I recall the wolf ripped everyone to pieces.
And as for "your side" , you and I are in something of an agreement over the childish Marxist thread. Something to consider?

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 18:22

So tactic of the day to derail the threads is two posters simultaneously and getting personal

If that's all it takes to derail a thread it wasn't worth saving in the first place. Not that it's my intention to derail anything.

As for getting personal? You must be having a giraffe.

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 18:22

Lonely planet

No one believes the governments assessments because they are nonsense. Evidence? The last 2 years has not seen us turn into Venezuela

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 18:23

There are leaver "types" who will think nothing of using violence and aggression when the sunlit uplands has new Albion promised by Farage, bojo, mogg et al doesn't materialise

In what way? Genuine question.

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