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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

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67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 20:17

Soooooo.....no news then?

wherearemychickens · 14/02/2019 20:18

This pretty much sums up where we are:

twitter.com/Sime0nStylites/status/1096108688522252288

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:18

I've always found the Germans have a sense of humour, just rarely a subtle one ...

GermanForeignOffice@GermanyDiplo

Dear Brits,

We really 😍 you & still think it’s a pity that you want to leave the EU.
But when it comes to the last 16 of #UCL we are for a quick triple #Brexit – #NoDeal and no #backstop 😘

XOXO,
Ze Germans

@SpursOfficial vs.@BVB
@LFc vs. @FCBayern
@s04 vs. @ManCity
#TOTBVB

HazardGhost · 14/02/2019 20:24

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-medicine-shortage-eu-china-us-drug-stockpile-a8779321.html

We're going to be low priority and back of the que...

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:24

LTB ?

Sajid Javid@sajidjavid

Taking Mrs J out for a tuna sandwich tonight #ValentinesDay
....
George Parker@GeorgeWParker

Make sure you take the stapler and the ring folders along too to create that first date vibe!

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:26

So for new medicines, the UK drops from Rung #1 (US FDA & EU EMA) to Rung #3 (the minor players)

#Brexit - the gift that keeps taking away

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:31

BBC continues to chicken out and to be swayed by the most aggressive voices

bpas@bpas1968

The #BBC says it will not include abortion information on its Action Line website - a site that provides signposting for viewers seeking support on issues covered in their programmes - because it's too "contentious".

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:35

Current CBI DG is much more aware of business needs than one of her predecessors (Digby Jones) who puts the Tory Party & ideology first

Carolyn Fairbairn@cbicarolyn

Another day of failed politics, another day closer to no deal chaos.
Politicians must find a deal that protects our economy.
Failure would be unforgivable.

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:44

Aviva moves €9bn in assets to Dublin amid ‘intensifying’ Brexit uncertainty

They are another, like Barclays, who fear the loss of financial passporting

https://www.irishtimes.com/business/financial-services/aviva-moves-9bn-in-assets-to-dublin-amid-intensifying-brexit-uncertainty-1.3793709?

Insurer shifting life insurance policies held by non-UK customers

TokyoSushi · 14/02/2019 20:48

What a bloody mess, and I know this isn't the right thread but now Trump is declaring a national emergency to get the money for his wall.

Happy Valentine's Day, worlds gone bloody mad!

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 20:57

Stephen Bush @ stephenkb
Some vague thoughts: 1) a Labour split is inevitable and has been since the 2017 election. 2) When it happens, it won’t be on a Thursday night when a lot is going on:

www.newstatesman.com/politics/uk/2018/08/labour-party-split-inevitable-corbyn-MPs?amp&__twitter_impression=true
Leaving Labour: why a party split is now inevitable
This is from August last year and if you have not come across it before then it's worth a read. I have time for Stephen Bush.

Are we on the verge of a Labour split? To understand that, you need to comprehend how opposition to Corbyn has fractured into four groups: the Stay and Fighters; the Conscientious Objectors; the Brexit Firsters and the Policy Platformers.

It talks about there being about a dozen talking about leaving. The names being touted most Chuka Umunna, Liz Kendall, Chris Leslie, Gavin Shuker, Emma Reynolds, Alison McGovern and Wes Streeting, though Bush discounts Kendall, McGivern and Streeting as 'Stay and fighters' rather than seriously considering leaving.

The 'Policy Platform' group take this following opinion: “If you look at the people who are seriously talking about splitting, the problem is that they only agree on one thing: they don’t like Jeremy. I don’t like Jeremy either, but we have to have a positive policy.”

Whilst the 'Brexit Firsters' think they need to stop or soften Brexit first, and can deal with the party problem later and see it as a distraction.

The final group 'the Conscientious Objectors' are best summed up with the moral question of whether they could support Corbyn as PM if there were another election, and since they don't now are waiting for the right moment to leave as they feel staying in the party with Corbyn as PM is morally something they could not be part of.

It talks about how Corbyn is weak on Europe so anti-brexit groups are being seen as a front for leaving Labour.

This is all within the context of a fear of a repeat of 1983 and letting the Tories in for 20 years but the possibility of it also being an En Marche for the UK.

And

One Labour MP recently updated his mailing list to be compliant with the General Data Protection Regulation. He discovered that while his local party membership was at a record high of 300, 200 members had left since Corbyn took over as leader. “People say: ‘Oh, we’d have no resources, no activists,’” he says. “But actually there is already a breakaway in the party membership, waiting to be led by someone. Why not us?”

Plus the liklihood of a swathe of possible deselection and MPs having nothing to lose by a split.

And

The Stay and Fighters are hunkering down; the Policy Platformers are trying to work out how to unite the disparate strands of anti-Corbyn feeling; the Brexit Firsters are waiting to see how leaving the EU works out before they do anything else; and the Conscientious Objectors are wondering how much longer they can hold on.

All these groups share the same belief: that they are best placed to oppose Corbyn. But what if they are wrong? Over the last few months, a little-known entrepreneur called Simon Franks has been touring Britain to drum up support for a new party. If he is successful, that would change the splitters’ calculations profoundly; their new grouping would not be the only game in town.

Aka 'United for Change'. Who since this article was published seem to have done fuck all.

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HazardGhost · 14/02/2019 21:01

From the article, in the event of no deal expect 6 months of port chaos and some drugs will be rationed out

But what drugs and why will only some be rationed? What will magically happen after 6 months?

This is so chaotic. And it doesn't make good sound bites for leavers/disinterested remainers...you cant understand the magnitude of this problem which is one of many in a catch phrase.

why are they doing this???? Just????

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 21:01

The #BBC says it will not include abortion information on its Action Line website - a site that provides signposting for viewers seeking support on issues covered in their programmes - because it's too "contentious".

Proof the Christian right has got its claws into the BBC then.

Abortion hasn't been that contentious in the UK (NI is a different matter) in years. It has some strong opposition but not something that I would rate at that level. Compare it to the BBC bullshit on its trans coverage and I'll show you what contentious looks like...

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DangermousesSidekick · 14/02/2019 21:04

Combine that with the new defence for men in violent rape and murder trials - it was 'rough sex' or even SM, and they walk scot free. Women never had much justice under the law and none of it for very long. It looks like we're going back to none at all.

foggyuplands · 14/02/2019 21:07

Abortion is a legal medical right in the UK. We are moving backwards fast.

lonelyplanetmum · 14/02/2019 21:10

On Trump's state of emergency to get funding for his wall on the BBC it said:

"And if this resolution is any indication, if the president wants to get his way he's largely going to have to find ways around Congress, not through it."

Isn't this rather similar to:

A No 10 spokesman said the PM would continue to seek legally-binding changes to the Irish backstop "While we didn't secure the support of the Commons this evening, the prime minister continues to believe, and the debate itself indicated, that far from objecting to securing changes to the backstop that will allow us to leave with a deal, there was a concern from some Conservative colleagues about taking no deal off the table at this stage,"

HazardGhost · 14/02/2019 21:14

Shock I know I'm an old millennial but abortion is hardly hugely controversial is it? We should be forward purchasing abortion pills at this rate...

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 21:16

1984, isn't it ?

This is that, and that is this. It wasn't a defeat, it was an indicative vote.

No deal beckons. The signals are set, and old Charlie stole the handle ..

SmallAndFarAway · 14/02/2019 21:17

Abortion is a legal medical right in the UK.

No, it is in Great Britain. Not in the UK...

SingingBabooshkaBadly · 14/02/2019 21:18

Have missed so much due to RL - I’m starting afresh from here or I’ll never catch up. Have had a quick skim and it looks like several posters have slightly changed their user names and others may have changed completely. is 67chevvy destiel?

Flowers for Hazard

I feel angry and sad and tired. Need to try to up my ‘buffer’ of DH’s meds. He’s not in good shape at the moment even with them, I can’t even contemplate what it would be like if he couldn’t get some of them.

Today I found out one of my best friends has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having a mastectomy. She is remarkably upbeat (obviously on the surface for the benefit of others) and is hopeful she won’t need radiotherapy but I keep thinking what if she does? She’s been told she will need Tamoxifen. Does anyone know where it’s manufactured?

All these people needing cancer treatment. All those type one diabetics. All the people who are relying on sone sort of medication to live or to have any quality of life. It’s horrific what the government is doing, quite knowingly, quite deliberately and quite unnecessarily.

I’ve had a cry and now I just feel warn out and empty.

Damn our politicians. Tory and Labour. A plague on both their houses.

And may David Cameron never know a moment’s peace again.

SparklySneakers · 14/02/2019 21:20

@SingingBabooshkaBadly Thanks

HijadelaLuna · 14/02/2019 21:21

Dear all-im German (sorry) but have lived in London for 3 years and have loved your Country- please don‘t give up! Europe would be much poorer without you. You only got one life, get on the Streets!

HazardGhost · 14/02/2019 21:25

singing

I'm not getting teary AGAIN

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67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 21:28

babooshka yes it's me!

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