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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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prettybird · 12/02/2019 17:31

Sitting at the vets waiting for the old cat to be seen, to investigate why she is losing so much weight and peeing everywhere Sad

Dover Sole carpet royalty. Wink

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:31

European Council President - Tusk

Appointed by: National Leaders of EU Countries

Democratic Accounability - None. Cannot be removed from post by the people the European Union.

European Commission President - Juncker

Appointed by: National Leaders of EU Countries and ratified by the EU parliament.

Democratic Accountability - None. Cannot be removed from post by the people of the European Union.

PerverseConverse · 12/02/2019 17:31

Evening all!

I was just thinking of Spitting Image the other day! I hope they bring it back one day, it was great.

QueenieInFrance · 12/02/2019 17:32

About democracy in the U.K. and un the EU.

I ave found myself bag to examine that to many people. It’s a shame that the EU system is never taught in schools . It is in other EU countries (and Obvioulsy helps people understand how the EU is actually working rather than just relying on hearsay)

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 17:34

And having lived under fptp in several safe seats in this country, steppy person, my vote has never counted. We hardly live in a shining example of democracy at the moment.

QueenOfThorns · 12/02/2019 17:34

I’d like to offer some New Model Army as my PMK:

Our history speaks in thunder from a thousand village halls
In blood and sweat and sacrifice, in honoring every call
So the forces gathered against the thorn a-piercing in their side
A brave new world is beckoning so the olden world must die.
In the offices of the city, at all the tables of oak and power
The snares are laid and baited for the approaching of the hour
A hundred justifications and the presses are ready to roll
The gateways to the nation they are firmly under control
On, on, on, cried the leaders at the back
We went galloping down the blackened hills
And into the gaping trap
The bridges are burnt behind us and there's waiting guns ahead
Into the valley of death rode the brave hundreds

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:35

There's as much as there is in the UK system if parliament where I can vote for an MP but have no say in who becomes PM

You can remove your MP. That's political accountability right there.

There is ZERO PA in the EU. Zero.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 17:36

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/brexit-hard-border-claire-byrne-rte-troubles-deaths-northern-ireland-a8775501.html

A moving article about a lovely irish newsreader

we can never allow a return to violence

Can watch her segment or read.

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:36

Queenie,

That jpeg is massively flawed, sorry to burst your bubble.

Don't believe everything you read on the internet.

Abraham Lincoln 1972.

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SquiddyMcSquidford · 12/02/2019 17:36

Thanks Red, great OP Grin

wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 17:37

I think the next 'date' is the 27th Feb:

www.itv.com/news/2019-02-12/theresa-may-house-of-commons-speech-brexit-brussels-dublin-negotiations/

QueenieInFrance · 12/02/2019 17:37

www.businessinsider.com/theresa-may-fails-to-hire-1000-new-border-workers-to-cope-with-brexit-no-deal-2019-2?utm_source&r=US&IR=T&ncid=newsletter-ukThe+Waugh+Zone+080219&utm_campaign=newsletter-The+Waugh+Zone+080219&fbclid=IwAR0qTQ_c57FN8ic4fsZXIRHfBB_bQRqezFONWmV4zkWzY0xtoea7DJggDck

Theresa May's government fails to hire 1,000 new border workers to cope with Brexit
I dint understand this government. Going towards NoDeal at full speed but nit doing the very basics about the very basic to get ready for it.
I mean other countries have recruited more border officers. France, Belgium etc...
So why is it that the U.K. still hasn’t? Confused

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:39

It still makes me laugh that people think the EU parliament is there for no other reason to give the whole place a veneer of Democracy

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 17:40

Another visitor who also seems to see the EU as having oh such wide ranging powers.

Our government has fucked everything up so badly I wish Tusk could head up a team with powers over our military , health, elderly care, prisons, local government, tax rates, schools, national insurance,benefits,housing ,pensions, higher education, policing, crime, defence , fiscal policy , property law, planning, banking law, marriage, family , adoption, inheritance, Social security, Asylum, Mental health, criminal injuries,financial services,gambling, gender recognition , reserve forces, residential property , income tax,disability, war veterans, mental health, charity etc etc

If only. Instead we just shared some joint regulatory powers relating to trade involving agriculture, environment and workers basic rights. Despite the fact we have now ditched that Leavers seem very cross about it.

As there are some here - please answer this question.

We are leaving the EU in a few weeks time. That parrot is dead. What is next on the agenda. You won- what do you want next?

TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 17:41

I read 27th Feb too.

Leadsom was hinting at March this morning. Red seems to think it’s March 21.

wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 17:41

Lol at whiney. Are you going to suggest book burning next? What is the name for that kind of arguing style?

also, ironically, I think we are all going to have e to be a damn sight better informed about the way the EU works outside of it than we ever were in it.

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 17:41

Personally I think 'Del Amitri - Nothing Ever Happens' is THE most perfect song about life in 2019. It IS just about Brexit.

Post office clerks put up signs saying 'position closed'
And secretaries turn off typewriters and put on their coats
And janitors padlock the gates
For security guards to patrol
And bachelors phone up their friends for a drink
While the married ones turn on a chat show

And they'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Gentlemen time please, you know we can't serve anymore
Now the traffic lights change to stop, when there's nothing to go
And by five o'clock everything's dead
And every third car is a cab
And ignorant people sleep in their beds
Like the doped white mice in the college lab

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Telephone exchanges click while there's nobody there
The Martians could land in the car park and no one would care
Closed-circuit cameras in department stores
Shoot the same movie every day
And the stars of these films neither die nor get killed
Just survive constant action replay

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

And bill hoardings advertise products that nobody needs
While "Angry from Manchester" writes to complain about
All the repeats on TV
Computer terminals report some gains in the values of copper and tin
While American businessmen snap up Van Goghs
For the price of a hospital wing

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
They'll burn down the synagogues at six o'clock
And we'll all go along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

OP posts:
pointythings · 12/02/2019 17:41

Well, in those countries which have proportional representation, the national leader of that country (I am assuming you are assuming the elected national leader rather than the head of state, i.e. Mark Rutte rather than King Willem Alexander) can and often is removed democratically, by the people of that country not voting for their party and a different coalition forming.

PostNotInHaste · 12/02/2019 17:42

Says it all that there’s confusion over the next date, it clearly is a deliberate strategy to run down the clock as Corbyn says. But at this point are there any options to prevent this from happening ?

TheElementsSong · 12/02/2019 17:42

You won- what do you want next?

Exactly!

It's really strange how cross and frothy and aggrieved (and 🐿) the Brave Winners of the Sunlit Uplands are, when Empire 2.0 Day Of Glory is almost nigh.

If I was awaiting the inevitable Golden Unicorns of Greatness to be bestowed upon me the True BeLeaver, and knowing it's mere weeks away, I wouldn't be spending my time getting all Riley McRiledFace at others. It's almost like they Lack Faith, and we we know that's very dangerous - Negative Thinking Kills Brexit Fairies, you know?

DGRossetti · 12/02/2019 17:42

Theresa May's government fails to hire 1,000 new border workers to cope with Brexit

I wonder why ?

Ah

The majority of those have not been recruited due to ongoing certainty about where they will be needed.

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:43

We are leaving the EU in a few weeks time

I bet you a fiver we don't actually leave.

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 17:43

You can remove your MP. That's political accountability right there.

There is ZERO PA in the EU. Zero.

We can remove our MEP
We can also remove our PM who has voting rights on our behalf in the EU
We can out pressure on both those to vote in certain ways as part of the EU.

Rather more PA than there is for lifetime peers in the house of lords in fact.

DGRossetti · 12/02/2019 17:44

I am assuming you are assuming the elected national leader rather than the head of state, i.e. Mark Rutte rather than King Willem Alexander

After Brexit: Republicanism.

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