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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 21:29

luna I hope your compatriots agree with you! X

mrslaughan · 14/02/2019 21:29

@SingingBabooshkaBadly
If you can afford too, find a private GP and explain your concerns and ask if the will write a prescription- yes you will have to pay , but many medications are not expensive. DH anti-represents are not expensive- unlike my and my sons inhalers (which I have a stockpile of)....... actually your NHS GP should be able to write a private prescription (if he can't write you another nhs prescription)...... it's an option?

GeistohneGrenzen · 14/02/2019 21:33

luna thank you Flowers

Jericho1 · 14/02/2019 21:34

Dear all-im German sorry
Thank you. So embarrassed that an EU person in our (shortly to be not) EU country would say sorry. Sad

We are. Terribly sorry.

Split labour and 20 years of 'tories' sound right. I saw a prediction that Farage would be PM in 2022.

HijadelaLuna · 14/02/2019 21:36

We really really do. Live in Frankfurt and eceryone is shocked but would still love you to stay - Even if there might be some Short Term gain for „us“

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 21:37

< waves to HijadelaLuna >
I emigrated to Gemany (STEM PhD) and I plan to stay after Brexit

I love living here, very friendly colleagues & neighbours 🙂
I've had a few jobs in Germany over the decades, so I feel quite at home and speak German
(before Brexit, I'd always intended to stay in Britain after retirement)

HijadelaLuna · 14/02/2019 21:48

I honestly think that all my compatriotes agrree- we have a difficult past but because of that we should stay togerher and brexit is the wrong path although the eu isnt perfect. But we can only change that togerher. Naive i know...

HijadelaLuna · 14/02/2019 22:04

And no need to be sorry. And you still got the better sausages. Just.

mathanxiety · 14/02/2019 22:56

www.politics.co.uk/comment-analysis/2019/02/13/this-government-has-bungled-every-negotiation-it-faced-and-n

We cannot even pay businesses to stay in the UK. Last week it was revealed that £80 million worth of government support couldn't convince Nissan to manufacture its new X-Trail vehicle in Sunderland. It's just the latest grim benchmark in a Brexit process which deteriorates further every day into pork-barrel politics and dodgy dealings.

The £1 billion bung offered to the DUP set the tone for this path of greased resistance, as the branches of the magic money tree were miraculously extended to prop up a weakened Conservative party. It was astonishing. In the run up to the country's most important negotiations for a generation, Theresa May showed she was willing to shell out £100 million for the talents of Nigel Dodds and Sammy Wilson.

And she is now pursuing that strategy wherever she can. A controversial knighthood for Brexiteer Sir John Hayes in November had already attracted criticism, followed by a gong for Sir John Redwood in the New Year - not that the latter appears to have helped her.

And now reports have emerged that May approached Labour MPs about increased funding for their constituencies in exchange for support in the next Commons vote. It's unclear whether the prime minister has run out of Tory backbenchers to bribe or she simply can't tell the difference between the two sides on Brexit.

Bottomless purse available to keep the Tory party together, basically.

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 23:27

"It's unclear whether the prime minister has run out of Tory backbenchers to bribe " 😂 😭

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