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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

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DGRossetti · 12/02/2019 17:20

jericho1

bit obvious, really. I think my all time fave is:

the lyrics are sublime - with a bit of hope:

Taking off his turban, they said, is this man a Jew?
'Cause working for the clampdown
They put up a poster saying we earn more than you!
When we're working for the clampdown

We will teach our twisted speech
To the unbelievers
We will train our blue-eyed men
To be unbelievers

The judge said five to ten but I say double that again
Coz I'm working for the clampdown
No man born with a living soul
Can be working for the clampdown

Kick over the wall 'cause government's to fall
How can you refuse it?
Let fury have the hour, anger can be power
You know that you can use it?

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 17:20

Think we need a genetic kitten.

Let's call it Andy Pandy . This is because it's waving 'bye 'bye to numbered guests.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 17:21

Well actually, that trade off choice is now being taken away from us as we drift rudderless, as businesses are making their own arrangements.

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 17:21

Generic not genetic!

lonelyplanetmum · 12/02/2019 17:22

You just can't have a sensible national debate if lying is allowed to go unchecked.

What has happened to that example case against Boris?

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 17:23

Can anyone recap with where we are at the moment? What is happening, if anything, on the 14th? Is there any hope left for Parliament taking back control on the 27th? What is Labour’s next move? Will any cabinet ministers resign? Sorry, I’ve been comforting a poorly daughter and have lost track...

The Update is the Meaningful Vote on the WA itself is now 21st March.

There will be opportunity for amendments and debate on the 14th but its effectively simply a repeat of the last big Brexit night, and doesn't answer the question of what we will do. It just kicks the can down the road until 6 days before we exit, and puts a gun against MPs heads. Just like they tried (and failed) to avoid and said would be an affront to parliamentary democracy as a result.

Nothing has changed. Apart from getting closer to the cliff.

It also burns up EU good will btw.

It in short, makes No Deal much more likely.

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TheElementsSong · 12/02/2019 17:23

Aw to the kitten!

What is it with these strangely aggrieved Winners of Sunlit Uplands and their squirrels?

TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 17:23

Numberfaker the short answer is no-one has a clue where we are.

We are all treading water watching the Titanic.

Will they have the vote or will May spend another couple of weeks being told ‘Non’ by the EU.

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 17:24

This reply has been deleted

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TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 17:24

sink^^

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 17:24

Another visitor who doesn't understand how the EU elects it's presidents

Whether its the Commisoner, Council or Parliament President there is close to fuck all democratic accountability.

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 17:24

perhaps the truth is there are more than a few people who disagree with you?

Well...ummmm...not sure why you think this is news to us. If there weren't then we wouldn't be in this mess.

BestIsWest · 12/02/2019 17:25

Pmk

wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 17:26

I thought it was the 27th, Red? Have I missed something? I know Leadsome wouldn't rule out it being after the 21st this morning but thought May was promising an amendable motion at the end of this month.

TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 17:27

Aha 21st March, thanks Red.

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 17:27

Whether its the Commisoner, Council or Parliament President there is close to fuck all democratic accountability.

There's as much as there is in the UK system if parliament where I can vote for an MP but have no say in who becomes PM. The EU is as much a democratically elected organisation as our own parliament. In fact more so when you consider the house of lords.

wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 17:28

I don't think there's much EU goodwill left now anyway - May has seen to that.

Not like we aren't about to go into lengthy trade negotiations with our largest trade partner where that would be handy, oh no.

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 17:28

Biglybadgers

If I may be serious for a moment - if your argument was so obviously compelling wouldn’t you have fundamentally shifted the narrative by now? I mean if it really is so obvious that the eu is the great saviour, why no huge swing towards the point of view as expressed in this thread?

Hazards · 12/02/2019 17:28

Ta for the summary red I didn't realise they'd officially said the WA vote will be 6 days to go before exit day. I let dates float over my head with the rumours of elections, votes, amendments etc...

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 17:29

despite asking questions about what other people's interests are?

I know there are other posters here who could name my outside interests. Its not like I don't randomly talk about them. Not sure why me listing them is relevant or adds anything to the thread though.

Jessica Elgot @jessicaelgot
This scenario would have seemed unthinkable just weeks ago and now seems one of the most probable - A final offer at the March 22 EU summit, with the offer of a short A50 extension. A vote in parliament the following week. If lost, then no deal.

Richard Swinford @RichSwinford
Unthinkable? Lots of us have been saying this for months. The strategy has been obvious, and swathes of the press are failing to call her on it. Only as the efforts to normalise a no deal crash out ramped up have they really started to respond.

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DGRossetti · 12/02/2019 17:29

It also burns up EU good will btw.

I think that's gone. Hard to know for sure until Theresa May needs something. But spidey senses around Tusks speech last week and yesterday makes me feel there's that studied politeness around now that hopes the other side doesn't embarrass themselves by asking for something.

Those of a certain age (or background Grin) might recall the notice:

^Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends" that was sometimes hanging in backroom offices.

wherearemychickens · 12/02/2019 17:29

May backing the Brady amendment was the killer as far as the EU went.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 12/02/2019 17:29

*Ha ha ha ha ha.

Told you!*

Told who Stepnumberedperson? Which board are you guys trolling us from? it's a little tedious.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 12/02/2019 17:29

bold fail.
/sigh.

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 17:31

I didn't realise they'd officially said the WA vote will be 6 days to go before exit day.

Honestly, I've struggled to make sense of the vote / not vote / various dates things today.

It strikes me as deliberately confusing.

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