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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
Sostenueto · 14/02/2019 17:37

As from tomorrow death certificates will cost £11 instead of £4. Trust the Tories to make money out of grief.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 17:39

We should be grateful for MPs who admit that they've made a mistake. His closing remarks were an implicit almost explicit threat that if he had to, to stop No Deal, he would support a VONC.

Was sad to read about the end of the Mars "Opportunity" rover.

www.theregister.co.uk/2019/02/13/nasa_opportunity_rip/

prettybird · 14/02/2019 17:44

Government motion fails Shock

prettybird · 14/02/2019 17:45

258 to 303

prettybird · 14/02/2019 17:47

But of course it was only a neutral motion with no actual power behind it Angry

Sostenueto · 14/02/2019 17:48

So government defeated but what the hell does it mean now? Nothing I suppose sweet FA!ShockConfused

Missbel · 14/02/2019 17:49

Nonetheless, it must be a blow to them. and will add nothing to their position with the EU.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 17:51

Nonetheless, it must be a blow to them. and will add nothing to their position with the EU.

As if they cared.

Missbel · 14/02/2019 17:52

I think Soubry withdrawing her amendment was a good tactical move, since it meant the Government motion stood and could be defeated.

Missbel · 14/02/2019 17:56

It means that May cannot seriously keep pretending that she's going to get concessions from the EU when she clearly has no mandate to continue on her present course.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 14/02/2019 17:59

I think this was testing the water for a rehash of her last agreement.
Now it's flopped I expect there will be something big coming before the next vote. I think that is why she has delayed the meaningful, so there is time to do something in between that can change MP's minds. If the press has been "scaremongering" I expect something big will pop out of the bag soon enough.

Jericho1 · 14/02/2019 18:01

Because he's inside the house. If he could somehow have spent 5 minutes outside the house and seen things with our (the plebs) eyes, he'd have taken a different tack

I have a lib den friend who works with him on People's Vote stuff in his constituency.

He comes to the Saturday stall and withstands absolutely vile abuse from the occasional Leave means Leave thug ignoramus.

He is also in receipt of horrendous threats to his personal safety.

He is a brave and clever man who has been thrown into a very very difficult situation.

I noticed that he mentioned Revoke in his speech this afternoon, and said that he wasn't sure that May was acting in this country's best interests, which I thought was a pretty extra ordinary statement.

He also said that while she calls 'delivering brexit a 'sacred' duty' he thinks it's a 'profane'. Shock

I think he is doing his very best, in absolutely appalling and frankly dangerous circumstances.

Jericho1 · 14/02/2019 18:02

PS, I've never voted tory before, and don't intend to.

prettybird · 14/02/2019 18:07

Ditto Jericho (although at least I live in Scotland and have a genuine Remain party to vote for Wink).

I thought his speech was pretty courageous. I too have been pissed off at him in the past for have been conned misled by May.

It shows how much Brexit has thrown normal politics in the air that Grieve (and even Letwin Shock) sound like the reasonable ones and members of the Labour Party give me the rage Angry

Jericho1 · 14/02/2019 18:07

I noticed the SNP have put on a lot of support for their motion.
Doubled to about 90? Ian Blackford is a class act.

Jericho1 · 14/02/2019 18:09

Letwin is one of the few MPs; maybe including Grieve and Lee who have an informed terror of the Crash Out.

BiglyBadgers · 14/02/2019 18:11

I took a day off the thread and see we have lost our delightful new friends.

Popped back to see what everyone has to say about this hoc vote business. I just can't see how the WA will ever be votes through unless May goes for CU and gets labour on side. But she won't do this because she is too obsessed with securing the Tory party.

This is just another thing moving us closer to no deal.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 14/02/2019 18:15

Bigly - I agree and am wondering what she has up her sleeve to attempt to change minds in the final weeks...even though I am doubtful it will work.

Grinchly · 14/02/2019 18:17

Entirely agree Jericho. I've met him a number of times. He is a good and decent man.

mrslaughan · 14/02/2019 18:18

Ok - I need a little more education on Ireland and Sinn Fein. I just watched a segment on BBC and a DUP MP stood up - what he said gave me a rage (doesn't take much these days).
I made the comment to DH that they are prepared to sell their whole country down the river..... anyway then I started thinking about they have no opposition representing the Irish perspective. Then I thought how powerful it would be if the Sinn Fein MP's took up there seats and voted against TM and brexit. (I am not even sure they can suddenly take up their seats?). Anyway I get this is a protest against British rule, but this issue has huge effect on their country, their people...... can't they see that?

prettybird · 14/02/2019 18:22

mrslaughlan - they can't/won't take their seats because it involves swearing allegiance to the Queen and their constituents vote for them knowing this

It might seem strange and frustrating to us - but it is democratic and an explicit part of their platform.

foggyuplands · 14/02/2019 18:24

They do however have plenty to say about Brexit

www.sinnfein.ie/brexit

It is also worth bearing in mind that a hard Brexit plays into the hands of all nationalists.

icannotremember · 14/02/2019 18:24

that unctuous hypocrite Nicky Morgan for attacking TM's dress sense

Iirc (and I may not), didn't she attack her for having a photo shoot done in a pair of £1000+ trousers, rather than comment on her style choices?

I used to bollock friends for sniping about TM's clothes, shoes and jewellery. Now I really cba. The woman is dragging us into a nightmare, if people want to make comments about her clothes have at it.

borntobequiet · 14/02/2019 18:29

Queen visits GCHQ. Wears EU blue...
www.itv.com/news/2019-02-14/queen-marks-gchq-centenary-and-recalls-king-getting-cross-with-scrambler-phone/

prettybird · 14/02/2019 18:33

Apparently there is going to be some sort of explosive announcement today at 8. Hmm

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