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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

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HazardGhost · 14/02/2019 19:54

I had chocolate cake for breakfast and I've just finished off the crisps...I had stress induced weightloss recently so was stuffing my face merrily and now I've put it ALL and more back on.

Sticking to thread hovering... hope it's juicy at 8pm and not another nothing's changed press release...

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 19:56

Someone prioritises the important things in life ..

Tom Newton Dunnn@tnewtondunn*

Bercow refuses to take any more points of order because "there is an Arsenal match on the television very soon".
Top man.

Motheroffourdragons · 14/02/2019 19:57

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missclimpson · 14/02/2019 19:58

BigChoc I have creamed horseradish, brinjal pickle and large sized tissues in my Brexit stash. 😀

67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 20:00

I might force dh to go to the co op for chocolate.

Inniu · 14/02/2019 20:00

I am sure this is probably here already and I missed it but I liked this

Labour are red
Torys are blue
Agree to the backstop
And leave the EU

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:00

Brigid Laffan@BrigidLaffan

You can sense the utter frustration from @simoncoveney^ Irish Deputy PM & Foreign Minister at what is happening in U.K. & House of Commons^
....

RTÉ News@rtenews

'It is incredible, in my view, that the British parliament has allowed it come to this' #Brexit @simoncoveney**

Peregrina · 14/02/2019 20:05

It's after 8 now, so what is the big news?

mrslaughan · 14/02/2019 20:06

My thoughts exactly @Peregrina

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:06

MissClimpson Creamed horseradish is in every big supemarket here
and I don't use your other 2 picks
Some other expats here have stocked up on marmalade, also not my thing.
So just Marmite crisps for me just need to stop raiding them

So glad we don't have to worry about food or meds though, just a couple of familiar treats - still stunned that people in Britain are stockpiling without the govt being kicked out on its arse Sad

Motheroffourdragons · 14/02/2019 20:07

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RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 20:07

Kevin Schofield@polhomeeditor
In an interview with @theHouse_mag, business minister Richard Harrington:
* Says Tory eurosceptic MPs are 'traitors' who should quit and join Nigel Farage's new party.
* Says the Malthouse Compromise is 'fanciful nonsense'
* Slams PM's Brexit strategy

Link to story which is currently timing out due to be overloaded

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prettybird · 14/02/2019 20:08

Bit of an anti-climax:

In an interview with @theHouse_mag, business minister Richard Harrington:

  • Says Tory eurosceptic MPs are 'traitors' who should quit and join Nigel Farage's new party.
  • Says the Malthouse Compromise is 'fanciful nonsense'
  • Slams PM's Brexit strategy In an interview with @theHouse_mag, business minister Richard Harrington:
  • Says Tory eurosceptic MPs are 'traitors' who should quit and join Nigel Farage's new party.
  • Says the Malthouse Compromise is 'fanciful nonsense' Slams PM's Brexit strategy from Kevin Schofield @PolhomeEditor*

In an interview with @theHouse_mag, business minister Richard Harrington:

  • Says Tory eurosceptic MPs are 'traitors' who should quit and join Nigel Farage's new party.
  • Says the Malthouse Compromise is 'fanciful nonsense'
  • Slams PM's Brexit strategy
Motheroffourdragons · 14/02/2019 20:08

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mrslaughan · 14/02/2019 20:09

Is it the Richard Harrington interview?

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 20:10

Twitter is saying 'the story has been somewhat over sold'.

Only less politely.

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BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:10

Nah, just the usual Tory bloodletting

JustAnotherPoster00 · 14/02/2019 20:10

BREAKING - Downing Street response

It’s Corbyns fault Hmm I’ve just rolled my eyes into the back of my head

LonelyandTiredandLow · 14/02/2019 20:12

Was hoping for some mass resigning and a new party forming, or JC or May resigning, or...well, anything I suppose
Still think May will be pulling out the stops for some big deal in the next couple of weeks though.

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 20:12

Faisal Islamm@faisalislam*

PM can not now claim that she has a Commons mandate for her attempt to renegotiate the backstop, as she repeatedly has
- the Government specifically asked for support for her approach to be “reiterated”
- it has not been.
.....
Government seems to have shot itself in both feet by getting Soubry to withdraw her amendment - could have done with it passing...

Motheroffourdragons · 14/02/2019 20:12

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HazardGhost · 14/02/2019 20:14

FFS that it?

Are they hyping up random shite for a reason? Distraction? Create interest fatigue?

I am suspicious...always suspicious

PestyMachtubernahme · 14/02/2019 20:14

ERG should go and join Farage's new gig.
Expect to hear JRM being outraged at the preposterous idea, how jolly common, muppet.

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 20:15

Robert Wright @rkwinvisibleman
Whatever the other failings of UK politics at present, at least we're in a golden age of nicknames: Magic Grandpa and the Poundland Lenin at the top of Labour and the Maybot and Spreadsheet Phil bestriding the Tories.

Before anyone says it, incidentally, yes: I saw Magic Grandpa and the Poundland Lenin at Glastonbury in 2004. They were rubbish, etc.

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LonelyandTiredandLow · 14/02/2019 20:15

Obvs when I say 'deal' I don't mean of the useful, negotiations on Brexit kind Grin that would be asking too much.

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