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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 18:59

John Rentoul@JohnRentoul

PM not even in the chamber for the result of the vote.

Corbyn speaking: "She cannot keep running down the clock." (Oh yes she can.)

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 19:00

Tory Fibs @ toryfibs
The Tory Government just suffered a massive Brexit Defeat. We know what happens next don’t we? Blairite MPs will now figure out a way to attack Jeremy Corbyn. Like they always do immediately after a Tory defeat.

The Columnist @sime0nstylites
Blairites KLAXON

Oh its definitely about to all kick off...

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 19:03

Rachael Swindon @ rachael_swindon
I’ve been told by several people Chuka Umunna is resigning the Labour whip - this evening. He could well be followed by a small number of anti-Corbyn MPs. To abandon our party at a time of national crisis is his choice entirely, and it will be for any that follow him. 1/3

Should this happen I wouldn’t be shocked if we see co-ordinated resignations, much like the last lacklustre coup. Just thinking out loud.... 2/3

I’ve always said People’s Vote Ltd is a vehicle simply to attack Jeremy Corbyn. Many good people on the left have been sucked in by Umunna and his friends. The excuse will be something about Jeremy not backing a 2nd vote.

Just a hunch.
3/3

Amazing.

OP posts:
prettybird · 14/02/2019 19:05

Apparently Nicola, when she retweeted Kevin Schofield said something along the lines of That's Valentines Night plans scuppered for those of us who are political nerds Grin

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 19:06

www.politics.co.uk/blogs/2019/02/14/may-s-latest-brexit-defeat-the-edifice-of-nonsense-comes-tum
May's latest Brexit defeat: The edifice of nonsense comes tumbling down

Ian Dunt

OP posts:
SusanWalker · 14/02/2019 19:09

Am at maccys looking up to see if I can get a bus home before 8.

They are playing classical music for valentine's.

Perhaps both parties splitting. Bogof special offer.

mrslaughan · 14/02/2019 19:14

Anna Soubry on sky news - was asked if she would break away - very interesting answer - she didn't rule it out , but talked about how the most important thing is preventing no deal and the economic disaster that this would mean. How the Conservative party has always operated is about sound economics and promoting business - and they can't say they are that anymore.

She said both parties are profoundly broken.

TalkinPeece · 14/02/2019 19:22

Susanwalker
Oh god, I'm a citizen of nowhere !
I thought Macy's Grin New York

SusanWalker · 14/02/2019 19:28

Lol I wish. Bit too posh for me. Twas McDonald's or KFC and DS chose maccys.

67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 19:31

Sigh...
I could just eat a burger!

Motheroffourdragons · 14/02/2019 19:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ to protect the privacy of the user.

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 19:38

Labour will be 'destroyed' like Lib Dems if it ushers in Tory Brexit, frontbencher Clive Lewis warns

This was when left-leaning Labour MPs lined up to attack Brexit at a ‘Love Socialism, Hate Brexit’ event in Parliament.

https://www.politicshome.com/news/uk/foreign-affairs/brexit/news/101853/labour-will-be-destroyed-lib-dems-if-it-ushers-tory

“We actually understand what needs to happen to bring our country together.

But my fear is this: we saw what the Tories did to the Liberal Democrats.

Everyone knows what to expect from a Tory government.
They're rotters.
Most people understand that.
We don't expect much different.

But if you look at what they did to the Liberal Democrats...
[who] let's be honest, tried to ameliorate, soften what the Tories were doing on austerity - they failed miserably.
"It didn't do them any good.

They were utterly, comprehensively destroyed by the British public.
They are not forgiven because they were facilitating austerity - they facilitated the Tories doing that.

And my fear is that what we are now doing is we are helping to facilitate a Tory Brexit.

“And the ramification for our party, I think, will be severe.
....
“Just like the Liberal Democrats, when Theresa May has walked off somewhere, gone and put her trotters up after she has delivered her Brexit,
and a new Tory leader comes in,

he will say: 'she was a disaster for this country, she betrayed this country, but so too did the leader of the opposition.
He was part of this sorry debacle and I'm now going to move forward to try and resolve this situation in the best way I can.’

"I'll tell you what: the Tory rightwing and the mainstream media will get behind that narrative
and it is us, the Labour Party, who will pick up a lot of the flak for what happens.

“People understand that Labour didn't ask for this. People understand that Labour didn't want.
But we're now sending these mixed messages out there.
That is truly dangerous."^

Lucygoeswalkies · 14/02/2019 19:39

TM was off reading tea leaves, and considering whether she ought to cast runes instead.

HazardGhost · 14/02/2019 19:40

Is 8pm important enough to watch the news do we think or just follow on here?

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 19:41

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/feb/13/labour-mp-submits-plan-for-referendum-on-brexit-deal

Corbyn faces up to 10 resignations from the Labour frontbench if he fails to throw his party’s weight behind a fresh attempt to force Theresa May to submit her Brexit deal to a referendum in a fortnight’s time,
frustrated MPs are warning.

Grinchly · 14/02/2019 19:42

I've just stress eaten Parma ham followed by cold Swedish meatballs.
I feel ....unwell...
So an 8 pm announcement, eh?

SparklySneakers · 14/02/2019 19:44

I daren't watch anything. I'll check here instead.

mrslaughan · 14/02/2019 19:46

@HazardGhost - probably more informed commentary here....

TokyoSushi · 14/02/2019 19:46

I'm going to eat my valentines dinner while watching the news - what a time to be alive!

prettybird · 14/02/2019 19:46

Hazard - you need popcorn! Grin

I've just put off getting Valentine's Dinner ready until 8.10! Grin

67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 19:47

There is no bloody chocolate in this bloody house!!

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 19:48

Interesting that the DUP all voted with the govt

Also that in addition to the 66 Tory abstensions,
5 Tory MPs - 3 ERG and 2 Remainer - actually voted against the govt
Totalling 72 who rebelled

Tom Newton Dunn@tnewtondunn

Only silver lining in a bleak night for the Govt is all 10 DUPs voted with it.
A positive sign for the high noon showdowns of Feb 27 onwards.
....
A further 5 rebelled to vote against the Govt - Bone, Chope, Hollobone, Morris, Wollaston.

So a rebellion of 72 Tory MPs.

That's big.

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 19:49

Chevvy I've just eaten a lot of Lindt Chocolate < burps >

bellinisurge · 14/02/2019 19:49

Oh nooooooo @67chevvyimpala

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 19:53

I've also made further inroads into my only brexit stockpile for Germany: Marmite crisps
Must order another box of 32 soon Blush

< glad I spotted the autocorrect - ipad had me ordering a "boy of 32", Hmm not really compatible with a woman of 62 >

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