Volunteer here to be a negotiator - we are short of them

[whydidhesaythat]

please state your qualifications also

Me.

Je parle un peu de Francais.

I will use my tactics developed with two children and screen time.

Can I volunteer Jean Luc Picard? One of the finest diplomats Star Fleet has - and someone who listens to all sides.

I'd be crap. I'd probably get in a tizz and walk out and go on AIBU.

I forgot to add, I could be chief liaison person with the nice fellow from the Bank of England. It's a tough job but I would work hard.

Could the whole negotiation be done online to save money and encourage part time applicants and home workers?

I don't see why any qualifications are needed but we should exclude anybody who voted Remain (perhaps unless they publicly recant) on the grounds of conflict of interest.

I'd send in DS and my sister. Between them, they would wear the other side down. I don't think they would give in.

But the terms would have to be defined. DS thinks one minute is actually 20 minutes.

I make a lovely gooey chocolate cake. We could bribe them with that?

How about the voters of Bolton and Sunderland, thus also solving their unemployment problems?

Just checking if this is supposed to be light hearted or not?

It's no longer possible to distinguish satire from reality

Maybe Barack Obama could come and sort it out for us. He's going to have a lot of time on his hands soon. He's used to being in the middle of warring factions and he got the Obamacare bill through which seemed impossible.

I would be perfect for the job as I have no relevant qualifications, knowledge or skills. The people of this country have had enough of experts.

The title made me think of a hostage situation.
Except the hostage takers seem to have left the scene and left the hostages in charge of the negotiations, while chained to the bombs.

Perhaps two tabloid journalists would be the best qualified.....

Alternatively we could just cut out the middle man and send Aaron banks and rupert Murdoch to do it.

Floisme

But did you vote Remain? As well all know, Remain voters have been willing bad things to happen and are vile people?

Oh, with a bit of Stockholm syndrome thrown in.

Yes I did, Elements. But negotiation isn't a job for nice people so being vile will come in very useful.

yes lighthearted - so far as one can be nowadays

Floisme

I would like to nominate my best friend. She says exactly what she thinks and isn't afraid to ask very direct questions. Especially when drunk. I hear Juncker likes a tipple so a case of red and let the two of them thrash it out.......

Come on people, where are all the volunteers? We're only in single figures and some of them are fictional characters or POTUS . Surely we can get 480 people out of 17 million to actually Take Back Control and Make Britain Great Again!

I could team up with bakeoff She can bring the cake we could be good cop, bad cop.

I could totally do this - I can get back from Brussels in time for the school run, yes?

Figment's idea about cutting out the middle man and sending Banks and Murdoch is probably the best, although you forgot Paul Dacre. It's important to let all three of the major political decision-makers in the country get involved.

if only Angela Merkel wasn't taken

Can I nominate my 21 month old DD. She has a will of iron and would shout 'no' until they gave in (I suspect this would be Farage's tactic too). She certainly defeats us at times. On the other hand she can easily be bribed with a handful of blueberries and an episode of In the Night Garden.