Volunteer here to be a negotiator - we are short of them

[whydidhesaythat]

please state your qualifications also

I'm in.

My qualifications are I've been negotiating with three children for years. I'd need the power to be able to send the diplomats to their rooms to think about their actions and attitudes though.

Count me in!

I would fuck Juncker off so much that he would give me everything & more, in order just to never have to listen to me ever again.

Sadly, I am only available until September, but I'm pretty sure he'll have caved by mid-August (being generous).

I even have my own, portable soapbox.

I have visited Scotland, NI and Wales.

I own an England flag.

I could set up office in Bolton, as its commutable from where I live. I could employ some people there too.

So we have 12 (I'm excluding Picard and Obama) if we count Banks and Murdoch. Looking good, everyone. I make that 468 to go!

the more I think about it, the more I think it would actually be sensible to negotiate from an HQ in Bolton or Sunderland rather than London...

I would like to nominate the headmaster of our primary school. He remains calm at all times, has a strict moral code that isn't in your face, is a good delegator and understands the tension between welcoming new children to the school and increasing the pressure on teachers when increasing the number of children in a class beyond 30.

I don't think Brexiters have the temperament for this role. I can't work with people who are going to start crying as soon as anyone says something mean to them. You are going to need some nasty, bastard, hard-assed, sore-losing, don't-know-when-you're-beaten Remainers to pull of a decent deal.

I'm pretty sure he'll have caved by mid-August (being generous).

Mango, is that actually likely? Genuine question; would love to be brought up to speed on this. I'm not a huge fan of the man.

pull off.

Floisme Oo-er missus!

Sapphire, I doubt that in real life he'll be a pushover at all - quite the opposite.

I only predicted a mid-August cave if I was haranguing him & getting right on his last nerve!

Flo

I don't know what you're all worrying about. Good old Nige and Boris can give them what for.

Anyway, surely if we just tell them what we want they'll give it to us, isn't that how it's supposed to work?

Thanks Mango. We live in hope.

I don't see why any qualifications are needed but we should exclude anybody who voted Remain (perhaps unless they publicly recant)

Well EEA is pretty much remain but laying on a bed of nails.

But it'll be our bed of nails.

"But it'll be our bed of nails".

Quite.

I'm a bit worried about the lack of qualifications spelled out so far.

I feel my qualifications are:

1. I can sort out intellectual property by explaining how upset our multinationals will be about not having the unified patent and suggesting we get to be in it but the court will be in Bolton not London (I am serious about this, having the patent office in Wales has been a good way to get at least something out of London)

2.I am very good at setting up scratch orchestras. I would bring a variety of ukes, kazoos and orchestral instruments and begin each session by workshopping a well known song of their choice.

But it'll be our bed of nails.

Oh, that's OK then.

Sorry but you're out too, Mango. You seem to have let Juncker get under your skin and we need people who won't take him so personally. Time to put your country first.

God damnit!!

whydidhesaythat

I'm worried you will confuse people with Intellectual Property. This is Britain, the world knows we are dumb, they will cross off the Intellectual. Suddenly your office in Bolton will be just Property, in fact probably Lost Property and you'll just be reuniting people with their mislaid umbrellas.

I don't think we need to worry about Juncker. Merkel is already working on that one.

The FT is really reporting that the Civil service is calling for private sector to fill trade negotiator gap

Pwc where are you when we need you?

How much do you want to bet ...