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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Watching 8 month old at wedding on baby monitor?

354 replies

SpudMama321 · 17/07/2025 11:46

Hi all. Looking for advice. We are due to attend a wedding this weekend and our babysitter has pulled out. We are staying in onsite accommodation, but in a different building to the wedding itself which is a 3-5 minute walk away. She usually goes down between 7-8pm and sleeps through.

My question is - do you think one of us needs to stay with her all evening. Or, assuming the WiFi works well, do you think we can watch her on the baby monitor (which is a ring camera with an app on our phone) and go back to the wedding? I just rang the venue to check on the WiFi situation and they said we can't put her to bed and go back to the wedding (her opinion is we shouldn't do this because it's not in the building itself, I think) but I'm not sure I necessarily agree if we have the ring camera and a constant live stream. A 3-5 minute walk is a 2 minute jog for my husband. I am so torn! Will I just get a gut instinct when we arrive whether it's okay or not?

OP posts:
ByRealLemonFox · 17/07/2025 16:04

2 words - fire alarm.
What if there was a fire in that building. You wouldn't know.

At that isn't even mentioning just general child protection or safety. Its very irresponsible to leave them alone.

Put your child to sleep in a buggy at the reception or just stay in the room with them. You and your husband take turns.

limescale · 17/07/2025 16:05

so she wouldn't have been alone at any point.

Which is not what your OP says AT ALL.

FestivusMiracle · 17/07/2025 16:09

2nd post entirely contradicts the first. Funny that.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 17/07/2025 16:13

I cant believe any parent would ever entertain this, I hope this is just a sensationalist story you hope that tabloids will pick up and not a real parent asking this question.

IdaGlossop · 17/07/2025 16:15

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 17/07/2025 16:13

I cant believe any parent would ever entertain this, I hope this is just a sensationalist story you hope that tabloids will pick up and not a real parent asking this question.

It would be a vain hope. There's no story in something that hasn't happened.

MumOf4totstoteens · 17/07/2025 16:15

SpudMama321 · 17/07/2025 14:16

Woahhh, between posting this and just checking the responses we made the decision for my husband to stay at home with DD and I'll go to the wedding alone. Better for both of them given the lack of babysitter and him having to sit with her all evening. However given this has blown up I'd just like to clarify a few things!!! I don't mean leave her for the whole evening.. i'd never contemplate that!! Perhaps I didn't communicate this in my
post and re reading the above I don't think it's clear, but I meant could my partner pop over and watch the first dance for 10 minutes, for example, and then go back over. There are also 52 other family and friends staying there so she wouldn't have been alone at any point.

Anyway thank you for the abuse. I can assure you I am not a neglectful mother, clearly it was a moment of madness for even considering this - but that's all you needed to say, really.

Oh and just to clarify for all the people saying I want to abandon my baby and get pissed, I don't drink alcohol!

It doesn’t matter wether you leave them for 1min or 1hr you just don’t leave a baby alone fml 🤦🏼‍♀️

TicklishMintDuck · 17/07/2025 16:40

alcoholnightmare · 17/07/2025 11:54

Madeleine McCann

💯. How can you even contemplate this?

ofcoursethatsnormal · 17/07/2025 16:48

Rather than call out the abuse (as you call it) maybe you should just acknowledge that you communicated your intention very poorly, so much do that no one understood your plan. Those suggesting you were a neglectful parent were correct based on the information that you provided. Enjoy the wedding.

Kiki25 · 17/07/2025 16:52

If i worked at that hotel i would be calling social services if a parent suggested this! What an actual idiot not to mention a terrible parent you are! This is 100% child neglect and you should not have children.

gemma19846 · 17/07/2025 17:02

Wow!!! No its not ok!!

maudelovesharold · 17/07/2025 17:09

she wouldn't have been alone at any point

What's the thread about, then? I’m afraid you’re being economical with the truth. Your op stated -

My question is - do you think one of us needs to stay with her all evening. Or, assuming the WiFi works well, do you think we can watch her on the baby monitor (which is a ring camera with an app on our phone) and go back to the wedding? I just rang the venue to check on the WiFi situation and they said we can't put her to bed and go back to the wedding (her opinion is we shouldn't do this because it's not in the building itself, I think) but I'm not sure I necessarily agree if we have the ring camera and a constant live stream.

That can’t be misinterpreted. It’s as clear as anything! Don’t try and deny it now!

gemma19846 · 17/07/2025 17:11

SpudMama321 · 17/07/2025 14:16

Woahhh, between posting this and just checking the responses we made the decision for my husband to stay at home with DD and I'll go to the wedding alone. Better for both of them given the lack of babysitter and him having to sit with her all evening. However given this has blown up I'd just like to clarify a few things!!! I don't mean leave her for the whole evening.. i'd never contemplate that!! Perhaps I didn't communicate this in my
post and re reading the above I don't think it's clear, but I meant could my partner pop over and watch the first dance for 10 minutes, for example, and then go back over. There are also 52 other family and friends staying there so she wouldn't have been alone at any point.

Anyway thank you for the abuse. I can assure you I am not a neglectful mother, clearly it was a moment of madness for even considering this - but that's all you needed to say, really.

Oh and just to clarify for all the people saying I want to abandon my baby and get pissed, I don't drink alcohol!

Sounds like you're back tracking on what you actually wrote after seeing the responses. Im glad you realised how dangerous it would be and decided against it

emziecy · 17/07/2025 17:11

ThejoyofNC · 17/07/2025 13:21

30 years ago most people would have been fine with this after all!

No they really wouldn't. They'd put the baby to sleep in the pram and stay at the wedding.

My eldest is 34, I would not have done this.

gemma19846 · 17/07/2025 17:16

Samiloff · 17/07/2025 14:26

Could you ask the hotel if they could recommend anyone local who you could pay to sit with your baby and phone you if she woke up? A teenager might be glad of pocket money. It doesn’t need to be anyone with great babysitting experience.

Yes leaving baby with a random stranger is so much safer!! Jesus wept

Cesarina · 17/07/2025 17:18

happytobee · 17/07/2025 11:49

Have you never heard of Maddie Mccann? What happens if the wifi drops, or if the worst case happened (kidnap or choking) 2 minutes is too far away to be able to save the situation.
Also would the bride be happy about someone sat staring at their phone during the reception and potentially needing to quickly leave?

Yes, Madeleine McCann was my first thought exactly.
I cannot believe you would even consider what you're suggesting.

RealEagle · 17/07/2025 17:22

mezlou84 · 17/07/2025 15:47

In the 80s/90s it would have been more acceptable. Now though I wouldn't. I would see if you can get another babysitter or take turns being at the wedding. Every hour or so do a swap especially if you have more family members willing to help there. Reduces the amount of time people miss but definitely tag team or let her stay with you in a pushchair x

I don’t know anyone in the 80s or 90s who would have found this acceptable. You had baby with you at the wedding and put them in the pram to sleep . Normally there is a host of people offering to rock the baby to sleep .

Hotdays · 17/07/2025 17:26

RealEagle · 17/07/2025 17:22

I don’t know anyone in the 80s or 90s who would have found this acceptable. You had baby with you at the wedding and put them in the pram to sleep . Normally there is a host of people offering to rock the baby to sleep .

Show quote history

Exactly! The OP’s thread comes across as if “baby simply has to go to bed without us and we simply have to be at the party without the baby to enjoy! “ it goes against everything that is normal and natural for a mother to need to have her baby close at all times! Doesnt the OP have a pram? Whats the obsession with baby having to be in bed in another building! My DS is 8 and DD 4 and I would not leave them!

Kattitude · 17/07/2025 17:44

Does Madeleine McCann ring any bells?

AlexisAlexis · 17/07/2025 18:01

MidnightPatrol · 17/07/2025 15:22

By that measure though, we need to be sitting in the same room as our child all the time when they’re asleep just in case something is wrong.

As I said in my post, ‘downstairs’ not alone in a building - the pp i was replying to was specifying just leaving a child in any hotel room, not in a separate building.

Show quote history

Well yeah. You are supposed to be in the same room as your baby 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

saraclara · 17/07/2025 18:06

There are also 52 other family and friends staying there so she wouldn't have been alone at any point

In which case you wouldn't need the baby monitor @SpudMama321 . Come on now, you intended leaving her alone with the baby monitor and you know it. Otherwise there'd be no point to your OP at all.

Phoenixfire1988 · 17/07/2025 18:17

You have got to be pulling our leg because I refuse to believe anyone's this stupid or negligent ! Did you learn nothing from madeline mcann .
I'd fully expect the hotel to ring police and social services if you decide to swan off leaving your baby unnatended

Judecb · 17/07/2025 18:30

Absolutely not. Apart from being illegal, it is dangerous. Unfortunately being a parent means putting your child first in these situations. Take turns staying with your baby or bring him/her to the venue.

GiveDogBone · 17/07/2025 18:30

This is filed unde the “what the hell where you even thinking about it for” column. No sane (good) parent would do this.

Either plonk the baby in a pram in the corner, or you have to run a relay of looking after them, or ask the venue for a babysitter recommendation.

Chinsupmeloves · 17/07/2025 18:31

Absolutely no way would i leave my baby alone in the room with just a monitor. You won't be able to enjoy the wedding as constantly looking at it.

If the worst happened, as you said, it would take minutes to get there, not seconds as when watching downstairs.

Please don't do this. X

WhatsWorkLifeBalance · 17/07/2025 18:39

Surely this is not a real post!