My friend self-invited herself and got upset when rejected WWYD?

[ORLt]

A good old friend, on hearing I have to go abroad to sort out probate - in all likelihood several trips - (not a relaxed holiday) messaged me and I quote: 'Next time you are going, I am coming for a week'. I answered 'No, I want to be in .... by myself'. She answered 'suit yourself, I will to go .... with Emily'. A few weeks past and she messaged: 'When are you going? I insist you take me with you for a week'. My answer was 'I don't want you there. I shall go on my own'. (Sorting out my late mum's belongings and probate, not in a mood for entertaining guests). She wrote 'that is as rude as **ck.' and then she wrote a few pages on how insensitive and rude I was, how that country had memories for her, which was important to her and how I was rude to many people over the years (we have no friends or contacts in common, she can't verify even if I was). She went on to say I am non-PC and should be pulled up about it. I am in shock - was I supposed to say yes? Is it rude to say no to somebody who self-invites twice?

[ORLt]

Was nervous, realised I misspelt 'passed' and switched 'to' in to go to.

[Redshoeblueshoe]

You need better friends, sorry for your loss

[JustanotherMNSlapperTwat]

Well she's not a good old friend is she

Wanting to be by yourself to sort out the affairs of a deceased loved one is not rude

[AllAroundMyCat]

She is being very insensitive and , quite honestly a batshit CFer.

Truth is, she's not really a friend if she says things like those.

[Alphabet1spaghetti2]

You are NOT being unreasonable. She is as rude as it can possibly be under the circumstances and incredibly insensitive.
I would have blocked her the first time she refused to take no for an answer - so you are well ahead in the being nice and reasonable stakes. She’s revealed herself to be massively self absorbed.

sorry for your loss, but stand firm and do whatever you need to do to for yourself, to get through the times ahead. Yadnbu!

[Shinyandnew1]

When are you going? I insist you take me with you for a week'.

She really said this?!

[Neriah]

She's not a friend. She's a user. And manipulative.

If the place was so important to her she wouldn't be waiting for you to offer a cheap holiday. It's time deaf to think you'd want to entertain her in the circumstances.

Block her and find better friends.

[LusaBatoosa]

This isn’t an ethical dilemma. Your ‘friend’ is a self involved arsehole. Tell them to fuck off and stop doubting yourself.

Sorry for your loss.

[squashi]

I wouldn't go away with her on the basis of the 'several pages' alone, never mind everything else you've said. You were very direct with her, but it sounds as though you had to be, and if you have more contact with her, I think this firm approach should continue. Her long message sounds horribly rude and manipulative - have you replied to it?

[ChateauMargaux]

Friend.... I am going to ..... to sort out my deceased mother's affairs. I want to be on my own. I have made this clear. Let's just leave it at that shall we?

[Dacadactyl]

Your friend sounds totally mental.

I'd message back "when you have got over yourself and want to apologise to me for your behaviour, I will see you again at a place and time which suits us both. Until you apologise, I have no intention of seeing you again."

[Riverlee]

Sorry for your loss.

If your friend was going to support you and help you, then that’s a nice offer. However, you still don’t have to accept it. Sometimes it’s easier to do private stuff yours eg if without others, however well meaning.

To demand you take her, and/or have a cheap holiday (I presume staying at your mothers house) then that’s cf territory.

If the country has memories, you’re not stopping her going by herself!

Why us it it non pc?

[WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive]

Your responses do sound incredibly rude but you are not unreasonable to say no.

Your friend shouldn't have pushed the matter after the first time and it was obvious it was about her going on a holiday.

[LondonLovie]

Good grief. She sounds awful. I wouldn't reply, and I wouldn't entertain her any further. Delete and move on

[DeepDarkBlue]

I'm a bit skeptical that you are actually unsure whether "Is it rude to say no to somebody who self-invites twice? It's obviously not, surely you know that???

You were good and clear with your responses. I'd ignore her.

[StrictlyAFemaleFemale]

How about replying I am grieving and dealing with the administrative fallout that happens after death. That you cannot accept my no is your problem and yours alone to deal with.

I think I'd just block her until it's all over. Really assess whether you want her in your life.

The great thing about shitty life events is that you always find out who is worth keeping in your life.

[PossumintheHouse]

Your responses sound like they were a bit short and not very explanatory (not that you owe her anything, but it might have helped her small-minded self understand). Regardless, she sounds like a right entitled cow and I’d be putting a lot of distance between myself and her. Tell her to do one.

[SleepingisanArt]

Why not tell her to meet you in the airport lounge (airside) on x date and then don't turn up! Oh man I have a mean streak!

[trulyunruly01]

If she was offering to come to support and look after you whilst you deal with these difficult matters, that's one thing.
It seems she was looking for a jolly.
Let Emily deal with her.

[ErrolTheRednosedDragon]

'Non-PC'? wtf is she on about?

Sure, you were a bit abrupt but under the circumstances a normal good friend would have understood and butted out at that point not repeated her self-invitation and escalated into an 'all about her' drama.

[ORLt]

Sorry, probably misled you all. My mum died 2 years ago, but I never went back home, I pretended to myself mum was still alive, hence my having to deal with it 2 years on. She said 'sorry for your loss' when mum died 2 years ago, she probably thinks it is all over now for me, but I cry daily and put this whole probate thing aside, I went back a year ago, opened the house and could not deal with it, flew back to the UK.

[TomatoSandwiches]

She sounds like someone you don't need in your life, tell her to fuck off.

[StaunchMomma]

I'd go back at her with the facts.

You are grieving. You want to sort DMs things by yourself, as you are well in your rights to do. It is not a holiday and you don't want to be pressured into turning it into one by others. You are not stopping her from going there, you just don't want to be there with her at the moment.

She's being a MASSIVE twat. Don't let her make you feel guilty. You've got enough on your plate at the moment without taking on her crap.

[ORLt]

When I asked her to give me a list of people she accused me of being rude to (we don't have friends in common), she started saying in conversations with her I used non-PC terms.

[pikkumyy77]

You are letting her affect you more than you should. Of course her requests are absurd, of course she was rude to ssk, to ask that way, and to react so viciously to your perfectly reasonable refusal. Get some therapy to deal with your state of suspended animation and frozen grief. This woman is just a distraction.