My friend self-invited herself and got upset when rejected WWYD?

[ORLt]

A good old friend, on hearing I have to go abroad to sort out probate - in all likelihood several trips - (not a relaxed holiday) messaged me and I quote: 'Next time you are going, I am coming for a week'. I answered 'No, I want to be in .... by myself'. She answered 'suit yourself, I will to go .... with Emily'. A few weeks past and she messaged: 'When are you going? I insist you take me with you for a week'. My answer was 'I don't want you there. I shall go on my own'. (Sorting out my late mum's belongings and probate, not in a mood for entertaining guests). She wrote 'that is as rude as **ck.' and then she wrote a few pages on how insensitive and rude I was, how that country had memories for her, which was important to her and how I was rude to many people over the years (we have no friends or contacts in common, she can't verify even if I was). She went on to say I am non-PC and should be pulled up about it. I am in shock - was I supposed to say yes? Is it rude to say no to somebody who self-invites twice?

And?!

So what if you do use non-PC terms.
It's up to you if you want to. Your life, your choice.

Non-PC is only someone's opinion anyway. Who makes these "rules".

She's not your friend; she just wants a holiday with free accommodation.

BLock her on everything.

I hope you're getting some help sorting out your feelings about losing your mum.

Your response was appropriate because she'd ignored what you said previously about not wanting her to come. No longer your friend.

I'd also add one thing I always go by, never trust a person who loves to police language.

If she wants to go to another country that holds memories for her, she can go by herself fully funded by hers only.

What an odd behaviour 😒.

You are not unreasonable.

She’s an entitled arsehole. That would be it for me.

This was my thought too. Perhaps the friend got nasty because the OP was rude in her response. I think there's something that's been said here that has been taken the wrong way. It's unlikely that someone would demand to be taken away on holiday. I would have to find out if this is the case before I threw away a friendship of a long time.

Huge thanks to everyone, strangely, if it were somebody else asking me for advice in this situation, I would not hesitate and be sure, but when it concerns you, you start having major doubts.

I’m guessing whatever country this is, your mum’s place is in a particular nice part of it and she’s assuming it’s free accommodation for her. Rude mare!
Sorry for your loss 💐

It is absolutely not your problem. Your 'friend' is a self indulgent, ignorant idiot.

She could reasonably have said 'if you want some company, I'd be happy to come too. I can amuse myself during the day while you deal with your business, but we could share breakfasts and evening meals.'

But as soon asyou said No thanks, she should have backed right off.

Ignore her ill-mannered rant.

If the "friend" had only been trying to help OP, she wouldn't have resorted to insults when OP turned her down.

She sounds utterly entitled and aggressive.

You were right yo be blunt with her - insisting she comes with you. Given she knows the purpose of the trip, she would have included wanting to support you, if that was her intention.

She can take herself to this place she holds dear without piggybacking on your trip.

I find it really difficult to imagine someone actually saying this.

In the (highly) unlikely event someone said this to me I would respond with; "You insist?" and leave them a moment to realise how ridiculous this sounded.

Does she actually know why you are going? Or does she just think you’re going on holiday? She’s been very rude and pushy but she might not realise quite how rude she’s been if she doesn’t know the purpose of your visit.

We don’t even know if the op’s friend has even worded it as OP is saying though

So sorry about your Mum OP.

Is there any chance that she was saying she would come and support / help you / be company while you do this difficult job?

Your responses were blunt, but she must know that is how you speak? And she was inviting herself and ‘insisting’, so she has no right to complain about you. Unless she was insisting she should help and support you.

But it doesn’t really sound as if that was her intention.

your "friend" sounds mental.

You sound lovely.

sorry for your loss. Was your mum very old or was it sudden?

I only ask because I agree with a PP who said you could see a bearevement counsellor to help you to come to terms with things and you are using this woman as a distraction.

We don’t even know if the op’s friend has even worded it as OP is saying though

She's put the things the friend said in quotes, so presumably so.

@ORLt was it worded exactly as you wrote it? That was the full sentence word for word?

Just ignore her and do not contact her anymore.

"I insist you take me with you" WTF? Honestly you are better with her out your life.

Unfriend this woman who has the sensitivity of a brick!

I’m thinking this too

'Next time you are going to ..., I am inviting myself for a week'.
My answer: No, I want to go to .... by myself'
'Suit yourself, I shall go to (another destination in the same country) with Emily.
A few weeks later:
When are you going? I insist you take me with you for a week.
My answer: I don't want you there. I have no idea when I shall travel, but I shall go on my own.
'That is as rude as **ck'.
She then writes: Last time I asked politely and got the same response. This time, another tack same response. Check back your messages for verification.
I would love to go back and see that city again for many reasons, and it would mean so much more to go with a friend, If roles were reversed, I would be happy to spend a short time with you in my city. Pointless even discussing it further if you don't even understand that. The attitude is unfriendly, lacking in understanding and interest, and I think that about says it all. Why do you think being so blunt is somehow OK? It is not. It is rude and you know it. Trying to justify that by calling it truthful and honest does not make it palatable. Living in ... was a very important element in my life for many reasons, I would love to go back, even just for a short time and visit specific places. The chances of doing it on my own - my husband won't come and I would want to wander around on my own anyway - are zero. I would be more than happy to help you do something that was important to you - and this is important to me in its own way. If there is some particular reason that explains why you would not want to do a friend a favour, which would cost you precisely not, then a simple explanation would be sufficient, To say 'I don't want you there' is so rudely insensitive that it made me feel sick. You need to think about how you respond to people - you are blunt to the point of disregarding the feelings of others, No, Not acceptable. Final words on the subject. You know very well how important .... was an dis to me. I am appalled by your response. Not because I did not get what I wanted, but because I considered you a friend and thought you understood. Obviously not. Also, the language you use - it is horrible (examples of what I allegedly said, not true). Think what you like, but be sensitive in what you say. Has nobody ever taken you up on any of this before now? It is vile. Go on, have the guts, you have zero ability for self-reflextion. Poor (my husband's name) and (my child's name). You ought not to get away with some of your behaviour, somebody should definitely have called you out on it a long time ago. (And several pages of more....)

She isnt a friend.

She isn't your friend. She's a crazy Ex-friend.