We’re in England. My partner’s elderly parent lives with us and has a degenerative condition with substantial day-to-day care needs. Paid carers cover some of this, but we provide considerable unpaid support around their visits. There is also the care coordination, appointments, equipment, adaptations and extra household work.
We want to support them, but after several years of supporting older relatives, the impact on our lives is considerable. We have very little free time, rarely get away, and my employment choices are being shaped by the family’s needs.
My partners’ parent suggestion is that their contribution should cover their share of bills only, preserving their savings for future care. I understand why having money available for care matters. However, I’m concerned about keeping their living expenses low when doing so depends on substantial contributions from us, both financially and through our time and unpaid care. I’d like an arrangement that considers everyone’s needs and to take into account this huge change for us. And for me as the wife, it's falling on me more!
I’m not asking to be paid for care. I’m asking whether a contribution towards living in our home beyond their share of bills would be reasonable—for example, an additional £100–£150 a month towards household upkeep and unexpected costs.
For others who have had an elderly relative live with them:
- Did they pay rent or board - e.g. rent a room or contribute to household upkeep, or just cover bills?
- Is a contribution beyond bills legally acceptable, and could it raise deprivation-of-assets concerns if council-funded care is needed later?
- How did you agree a fair amount and record the arrangement?
Parent won't qualify for CHC as yet and gets a lower-level attendance allowance
I’d appreciate real experiences of making this fair and sustainable for everyone.