It’s nearing the end and I am so scared !

[Marvellousmeadows]

My lovely mum is at the very end of her life, we were told she was going 12 weeks ago but she rallied . It’s apparent these are her final hours and to be honest I can’t believe she’s still here . She looked dreadful last night, I won’t go in to details as it’s very upsetting but I am very scared to go to see her today at the nursing home . I am scared of her being gone, she was everything to me and life without her will be incomplete. Would appreciate some supportive words to help please .

I'm so sorry OP, but I'm so glad you had an amazing Mum and have many wonderful memories. It sounded peaceful and you did amazing.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. It devastated me when my mum died. I’ll never be quite the same person again but it does get easier after time. You were lucky to have such a lovely special mum.

To die in bed with someone that really loves you by your side is the best anyone could ever hope for. I was with my Dad when he died and am glad I was there. He also rallied and ate fish and chips the day before he died when he had hardly touched anything for ages. It was obvious he was going then.

Look for support in any way you can op, all the best.

@Marvellousmeadows I am extremely sorry for your loss. Losing my mum was the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life, and I have the utmost sympathy for you. 💐

Sending you a big hug.
I was with dm and dmil when they passed. It is a privilege you're right. They were both old. It was their time too.
I'm so glad you felt the love. Take it easy ❤️

I'm going through the same thing with my mum, she went into a care home just over a week ago & the agreement is that she won't be going back to hospital no matter what the circumstances. She's gone from being self sufficient to not knowing who she is in under 4 months, spent 12 weeks in hospital, is double incontinent & has lost well over 7 stone in weight due to refusing to eat. My problem is that I feel numb, I just want it to be over & for her to be at peace with my dad. Take each day as it comes, look after yourself, make sure you eat, drink & get enough sleep as hard as it may feel.

@Nat6999 I felt the same with dm and dmil. I wanted it to be over. Their quality of life had diminished. Dignity had gone. It's so awful.
Sending best wishes to you at this very stressful time.

take care.

So sorry to hear this. She is in a better place now with your dad and her dog.

These few days/week will be the hardest. It’s exactly 2 weeks today since my mum passed. The days are getting a little easier but I still think about her all day every day and still have bad days.

Take care of yourself an stay strong

The sisterhood of MN is so powerful sometimes. So sorry OP about the loss of your lovely mum.

So sorry to hear this OP. It's lovely you were there with her at the end. This was true for me with my dad too, and I find it a great comfort looking back.

I lost my dad a month ago. I actually found the immediate aftermath was tolerable because there was so much to organise with the funeral, informing people etc. It's actually somewhat harder now, as the grief is now really hitting me. Also, don't underestimate the toll on you the last few weeks will have taken, supporting her through her end of life path. My dad died at home with myself, mom and my brother as his carers and it was exhausting in the extreme, literally by far the hardest thing I have ever done......

So if you work, I would be careful about rushing back too soon. I only returned to work last week, and that was on reduced hours (I got a fit note from the GP to specify this).

Your experience may be very different, but I just wanted to say, just because you may appear to be coping initially, you still need to look after yourself.

(God I know that sounds negative and pessimistic, sorry, but I just wanted to share my experience. My cousin told me at dad's funeral that she was signed off for 6 weeks after losing her bother, and hearing that helped in a strange way, as itade me realise I wasn't unusual in taking time to recover).

Hi so sorry to hear about your dad.
just after a little advice from you if possible.
My mum passed 2 weeks ago today. The first few days/week was really hard. This week I seem to be coping kind of ok. Having to sort her house out and the funeral has kept us busy and not really had time to think about it all.
The funeral is next week and I’m worried that after that the grief will come back and hit me harder. Is this something you’ve experienced with your dad?

I'm sorry for your loss op, having cared for my mum in the last few months of her life from when she was diagnosed with cancer till she passed. I hope it brings you the peace it brought me, to know how loved and cared for she was by you and that you did everything in your power for her last days to be peaceful. Sending love and strength.

Today has been very sad, the adrenaline of the last 12 weeks was running high . I went to empty her nursing home room today as I went to take her things back to her little house . She has lived there until December, this was heartbreaking and I broke down in front of her neighbours. I am still in denial she’s really gone but already found two white feathers and my dad’s clock stopped.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. Please take care and allow yourself all the time that you need to grieve x

Yesterday I went to my mum’s house and put all her things back like they were before she went into the nursing home it brought me some comfort . I have had a very strained relationship with my brothers over the years and they have started already , in the phone yesterday accusing me of stealing from her and threatening me with police as they know she’s left me the house in the will . I saw my mum almost every day of my life , gave up my job to enable her to remain in her own home as long as possible with her little dog . One brother didn’t visit her for over 6 years but has now appeared like a bad rash . So worried there will be trouble at mum’s funeral as there’s three of them and they bullied my mum so much over the last years . I need to be strong to give her the funeral she deserves but worried it may get nasty with them there .

Don’t do this alone. Talk to your friends and tell them you need them at the funeral. Ensure that you are never left alone there.

If your friends can bring husbands to the funeral and the husbands never leave your side, so much the better. It’s amazing how often men, in the face of other men, pull their heads in.

When my cousin’s ex came to gather his stuff, my husband and I went and sat in the lounge room with the newspaper. Cousin was amazed how just having my husband in the house made himself mind his manners.

Thank you for your reply , I expected this but not quite so soon after my lovely mum passed . Annoyed they have my telephone number as I changed it but I think my aunty gave it out . I just can’t comprehend how they can think of my mum’s money when she has literately just died . It’s beyond upsetting and I think she knew what they were really like . The day before I died I kissed her and said mum I love you so much , she could hardly talk but just about managed to get her words out and said I love you , she always said I love you better ❤️

I agree that you need to have support during the funeral and, for that matter, at any time you think relatives might kick off. I'm sorry to say that death and funerals bring out the worst in people. So, ask for help, and take it. I really do feel for you. Take care of yourself.

@Marvellousmeadows if you are executor, change the locks if you think they have keys.

So sorry for your loss OP, it is so hard. I am nearly three months in since my Mum died, and it does get easier. The first month or so the grief was crushing but gradually you will emerge. You are so lucky to have had a wonderful mum (as am I) x