It’s nearing the end and I am so scared !

[Marvellousmeadows]

My lovely mum is at the very end of her life, we were told she was going 12 weeks ago but she rallied . It’s apparent these are her final hours and to be honest I can’t believe she’s still here . She looked dreadful last night, I won’t go in to details as it’s very upsetting but I am very scared to go to see her today at the nursing home . I am scared of her being gone, she was everything to me and life without her will be incomplete. Would appreciate some supportive words to help please .

Couldn’t read and run, watching your mum slip away is soooo hard. Trust me you will find the strength todo this today 💐

Been through similar recently. Took comfort in the fact my dad’s passing was peaceful and his suffering was over. Sending you love. It’s hard but if the person has had a long and happy life as my dad did, it’s not a tragedy.

OP, I went through this with my dad a few months ago. Hospice said: Keep the lights low, hold their hand, and there is good evidence now that people can hear up until the end, even when they appear to be unconscious. So talk to her, and make sure your mouth is close to her ear and that you're speaking fairly loudly. I played my dad's favourite music to him. And I told him who was in the room, what day and time it was, and I announced who was coming and going.

I know the heartbreak of losing parents, as I have lost both mine. This is truly one of the hardest parts of life and I am very sorry for you. Sending you strength and hugs.

ETA: I also passed on to my dad that X family member loved him, and X family member loved him etc. and that Mum was waiting for him in Heaven, and so were his parents. (He was a believer.) I think saying all these things was a great comfort.

I sat with both my parents when they were dying, and there are lots of us on here who have done the same, so we really understand how you're feeling right now. Tell her that you love her, hold her hand and give her grace to let go of a well loved life.

I feel for you. I've been there. Those of us who have had wonderful mums have really been blessed. I was fortunate that I wasn't alone with mum, my cousin was with me, so we talked to her and about her to each other. We played music that she liked and talked about her being reunited with my dad and other family members. But most of all we kept reiterating that we loved her.

It is a horrible thing to lose someone so loved and even now 18 months later I still cry but as someone said upthread, it is part of the natural process. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Went through this recently, I was comforted to read online beforehand that most people slip away. With DF the gaps between the breaths were longer and longer until l realised there hadn’t been another one for a while, it surprised me that it wasn’t exactly clear when he’d passed on until a few minutes after it must have happened. Wishing you strength 🌺

Sending so much love to you! I don’t know you but I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world! How lucky you have such an incredible mum and how lucky your mum is to have such a wonderful child ❤️❤️❤️

Just be with her. Hold her hand, stroke her cheek, talk about good things you remember, play music that she loves.

When my OH was like this I tried to remind myself that this is nature taking its course, that this is happening all round the world all the time, that it is nothing to fear - this gave me more strength to say and do what felt like the right things.

You will get this right. Just let go of wanting to change things and give her what she needs now - familiar loving voices and gentle touch. You can do this ...

I know how you’re feeling. I lost my mum recently after being told 8 weeks ago there was no more they can do.
I was with her when she passed. She really put up a fight not to go but in the end she couldn’t fight anymore.
She took her last breaths whilst I held her hand and it was so peaceful.

Its really hard, the first week has been the hardest so far but you will find the strength to get through it.
i can’t really give you anymore advice as its still new to me. It’s been 13 days since my mum passed, some days are harder than others and you think about them every minute of every day. If you need to talk I’m here

I was with my mum when she died in the hospice . A lovely nurse came in about 20 minutes before she died and told my mum she didn't have to fight against dying if she didn't want to , that it's ok to let go .
She passed within an hour or so and there was a real quietness about the room .
When the nurse came back to check when I'd gone to them to say she'd died , they told her well done . It might sound weird but I found that all very peaceful .
Your mum is on a journey that she will not return from . I'm sorry for you and your mum's loved ones , but not for her .
Be kind to yourself now and the days to come . Take care .

This is exactly how I keep thinking. This is part of life and it happens to everyone. We do get through it but never forget

Currently playing lovely music she would have liked . I gave up my job and looked after her in her own home with her 19 year old Jack Russell Chloe who also sadly died whilst she was in hospital before Christmas. My mum is 87 she’s had an interesting life, she emigrated to Australia with four young children, I was born when they returned to Wales. I promised my dad before he died I would look after her and I did . She had relatively good health until November where she had some heart failure but she sadly caught covid in hospital and then had pneumonia. She was transferred to a lovey nursing home . She’s very comfortable at the moment and I can’t really get my head around the fact she’s going, even though it’s so natural .

@dazidoo aww bless you, it’s so hard . I read that grief is love with no where to go .

@Marvellousmeadows you being there is such a lovely thing to do. Sending hugs x

What an interesting life she has lead. This is the peaceful end of a life well lived, during which she inspired love in you and gave you the tools to lead your own good life. She has done all that she can and it is time for her to go. The music you are playing will be getting through to her and bringing her comfort. You are doing all the right things. Above all else you are simply there ...

Oh my darling, my heart breaks for you reading this. Your mum sounds like she was an amazing mum who led a wonderful life. The depth of our grief is the measure of our love, you were blessed to have each other.

I sat by my mums side 16 years ago in her final hours, I just talked to her, told her what an amazing mum she was and if I turn out to be even half as good a mum as she was (I think I am) then I would be doing well. I told her it was ok for her to go, and that we would all be ok. It's absolutely heartbreaking but I tell myself I was with her when I came into the world and I was with her when she left this world and man, what an absolute priviledge that is. Lots of hugs to you, and I hope your lovely mum passes peacefully 💙

We've just been through similar and made the same choice about asking not to be called in the middle of the night. We had 2 1/2 weeks from the doctor estimating she probably only had an hour or two to her passing. Each morning did feel strange as it seemed impossible she was still with us.

She knows how loved she is and you will always have treasured memories of her. Don't feel you need to rush anything once she goes. Once she is in the care of a funeral home (and the home will arrange that) you can take your time with everything else.

I'm so sorry, losing a Mum who you've been so close to is one of life's hardest hurdles. My lovely Mum died 2 years ago and at the end of her life, I was thinking and saying just the same things as you. As the end approached, I whispered to her that she didn't have to fight any longer and that she had our blessing to go and join loved ones who were waiting for her. She died very shortly afterwards and looked so peaceful. Someone told me that this is one the kindest things you can do for a loved one and I hope it helped her.

Two years on and I'm still here, still missing her, still longing for her presence, but it's a peaceful grieving. I remind myself often how much she was suffering and what a release it was for her to be free from that. It helps me enormously. I count my blessings daily for having had such wonderful, loving parents and memories of a truly happy childhood.

Right now, it's gut-wrenching and no doubt you feel that navigating a future without Mum there is impossible. Hold her hand and tell her everything you want her to know, be there for her and know that she will be comforted by your presence. You will get through this incredibly sad time somehow...life will be different, but you'll navigate it one step at a time.

Bless you, sending hugs

Your mum sounds amazing, and what a lovely bond you have. Sending you so much love and strength. Music sounds lovely, hold her hand, pray with her and tell her your memories xxx

💐 It's a hole in your life that ever goes away, but you learn to live with it.

Sending you much love. I was with my Mum until her end. We held her hand and told her how loved she was. I was glad she was not alone (but accepted that she may have slipped away when I popped out). It’s a privilege to be with a loved one at their life’s end if you can.

may her passing be peaceful. You will find strength that you didn’t know you had xxx

Although it’s the hardest thing we go through I honestly believe we are wired in a way to accept the death of our parents and carry on living .
I mean it’s the natural course of events (unless early/traumatic loss)
But a life well lived into old age with love is what we all hope for snd I have found with recent losses there is comfort in that .

Thank you so much for sharing this. It really resonated with me. My mother passed away unexpectedly in November 2025. She had dementia but it didn’t appear to have been life-threatening. Her passing threw me for a six even though I’d been through hell in the year prior because of her condition (she hid it). But you are right, it is the natural order and I know that but it was something else to read it. Oddly comforting.

OP, I am very sorry you are going through this. As this poster has said, it will help you and your mum feel better if you go to the nursing home and tell her you love her.

My mother went into hospital for a minor lung infection (out of an abundance of care from the care home), and ended up unconscious and on oxygen in three days. She was in another country so when I was told that she had fallen unconscious, I went to a church (I am not Christian but it was beautiful and quiet) and told her that I would be fine and that she should go if that’s what she wanted, and that she didn’t need to hang around for me and that I would be ok. It was a really terrible and peaceful dialog at the same time. She passed away peacefully about four hours later. I like to think she heard me.

I didn’t intend to write such a lengthy post, but I’ll leave what I wrote, because I just wanted to say I and many others here can understand your anguish but you will be ok, and spend as much time with her now for both your sakes.

You have been fortunate to have a lovely mother, from what you’ve said, and that’s an incredible thing, in this difficult world. I wish you the best.

When my grandma died, my mum sat with her through the night holding her hand and talking to her. In the morning, she rallied slightly and opened her eyes and asked my mum why she’d come so early and there was no need because a lovely nurse had sat with her all night talking to her. It’s true what the above poster is saying about the natural order of things. I’m a mother and I couldn’t hope for a better ending than a grown up daughter sitting with me when I leave this world. We have to be grateful for the natural order of life however hard it is. Her life’s work will have been you and the fact you’re there right now will be bringing her happiness and comfort.

I was with my mum when she died. She had cancer so it was just “life drawing peacefully to a close”. She definitely heard what I had to say (I gave an account of dinner last night which was a bit entertaining) and then she died.

I will never forget the intimacy of the moment. I found it profoundly intimate.

That being said, plenty of people wait until you are just gone for a wee or something and take the opportunity to slip away in private so, if that’s what happens, just be aware she made her choices to the end.