It’s nearing the end and I am so scared !

[Marvellousmeadows]

My lovely mum is at the very end of her life, we were told she was going 12 weeks ago but she rallied . It’s apparent these are her final hours and to be honest I can’t believe she’s still here . She looked dreadful last night, I won’t go in to details as it’s very upsetting but I am very scared to go to see her today at the nursing home . I am scared of her being gone, she was everything to me and life without her will be incomplete. Would appreciate some supportive words to help please .

I'm not very good at supportive words, but you will have the strength inside you somewhere to get through this.

Hand holding. It’s a difficult thing to go through. I am sorry it’s happening. Your lovely Mum is lucky to hand you with her. This is part of life although a difficult part. Sending you comfort xx

*have you with her

Try to be as kind to yourself as you possibly can

You understand the situation. The closest and kindest thing you can do now, is hold her hand and reassure her that you are there with her.

If you don't you may regret it. Then take your time to process it. Don't rush.

Her appearance is dreadful now and she was trying to talk and couldn’t . Oddly her skin looks amazing, all her wrinkles have disappeared. She was a beautiful woman and the kindest mum, I was blessed to have her.

I’m so sorry, I have been in your position and it is so upsetting and frightening. I am sure the nursing home would have already called you if she had passed away in the night. Would it put you or mind at rest to call them now and ask if you can go in and sit with your mum?

Is there someone in real life you could turn to for support today?

Just hold her hand and be there for her 💐

Good luck OP you will find the strength. There are some really helpful threads on MN about how to manage this time, one point i remember being when she goes you don’t need to rush for a nurse etc you can just take your time, sit with her, hold her hand, talk etc and just feel the peace of the moment.
I hope it’s all ok for you and glad you had such a lovely mum you were close to xxx

I've been in your shoes OP. Lean on the staff, they are experienced and know what they are doing. Let them carry you through this xx

I just rang the nursing home as I politely asked them not to call me in the middle of the night if she passed, she’s still here . I can’t believe she is and my nerves are on edge . Upset me when she was trying so hard to talk when I spoke to her and her eyes looked so milky .

I’m so sorry for you. I know how difficult this must be.

My only advice is to tell her you love her. Go there right now and tell her you love her. She might not be conscious, but please believe me, she will hear you anyway.

I would also like to tell you what my Mum told me before she passed….

She told me this was normal. It was natural.

She told me the only unnatural thing in this world would be for a mother to lose their child. This would be wrong she said. But for a daughter to lose a mother, this was the natural order of the world.

She told me she never worried about leaving me, as I was strong, and would have to face this thing regardless. And she knew i would be okay. And actually i was.

I used to look up at the stars and talk to her when I was younger like a crazy person. But I still survived.

I know you can face this.

Could you take a photograph and focus on the old her as you hold the hand of the present her. Just hold her hand and tell her you love her. Let that be the last she hears and to have the final goodbye.

I really do feel for you. I'm sending you a huge hug and will think of you often today. Today will be the hardest day of your life, but please go to your mum, tell her you love her. If she can't speak, or seems to make no sense the touch of your hand and the tone of your voice will convey more than you know. She will know you are there and you will both find comfort.

I sat with my lovely Mum and held her hand as she died. I’ve sat through the death of two of my brothers and to see all of them at peace helped me get through it. Spend the last moments with your Mum telling her how you feel otherwise you may well regret it.

So sorry OP. It's a difficult thing to do. I sat with my dad at the end and held his hand. He couldn't talk either, but I told him I loved him, what a wonderful father he'd been and that I knew he loved me too. I told him I'd look after my mum who's still with us. It's possible your mum may not be conscious enough to try and talk this morning, but she can likely still hear you, so do talk to her. I wish her a peaceful passing and send you a virtual hug. Difficult days ahead for sure, not just the passing, but dealing with her being gone. I hope you have others you can lean on for your own support x

I'm going through similar with my Dad. Not quite as far along as you out everyday brings something new. Be kind to yourself. Rest. I know my mind is buzzing constantly with grief, upset, trying to do what's right for him, waiting on edge for a call. It's so so sad but ny advice, like others is to go sit with her. She'll know you are there. Say anything you want to say, or just chat about the mundane. She knows how loved she is. Sending you hugs.

My mum is a palliative care nurse and she’s sat with hundreds if not thousands of people at the end and she always said that hearing is the last sense to go. Tell your mum you love her and about your memories.
thinking of you xxx

Marvellousmeadows, I wish I could hold your hand. Or do something practical for you.

I hope you can feel the love from the strangers on this thread. And I hope it gives you some comfort.

I agree. I've lost both my parents in the last six years and you just get through. Just hold her hand and talk to her, that's all you can do at the moment. Hang onto the good memories.💐

Having lost both of my parents (one very suddenly in an accident, and one slowly and painfully through cancer) I have to say that the aftermath of the sudden death was worse. When my Mum died, all I could feel was relief for her that it was over. There was grief, but also a feeling that she was finally at peace. That helped carry me through those early weeks. You are scared at the moment because there is fear of the unknown but you find strength you didn’t know you had Op. Your Mum would want you to live well - she would want you to find your own joy in the world.

thinking of you xx

I hope when it comes her passing is peaceful and although the grief is crushing, you are able to take comfort that she has led a long life and was loved by you.

Beautifully put

I am with her now, she’s unconscious but looks very peaceful. She’s tried to talk when she heard my voice . So hard to lose a mum but I have to be strong for her . Thank you all for your lovely, kind words .

Oh I’m so sorry you’re in this situation right now.
I’ve lost both my mum and dad. My mum was at home and we were all with her as she died but my dad was in hospital and he died before I got there.
It’s incredibly difficult and even over 20 years later, I still miss my mum every single day. You just very very slowly, start to adjust to them not being here. But I still shed tears even now. To me that shows what an amazing mum she was and I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to show emotion in front of other people because of that.
I hope you can go and sit with your mum and tell her you love her and thank her for being an amazing mum.

Don't be surprised if she chooses to slip away when you pop to the toilet or to get a cup of tea. My FIL did this, apparently it is quite common.