It’s nearing the end and I am so scared !

[Marvellousmeadows]

My lovely mum is at the very end of her life, we were told she was going 12 weeks ago but she rallied . It’s apparent these are her final hours and to be honest I can’t believe she’s still here . She looked dreadful last night, I won’t go in to details as it’s very upsetting but I am very scared to go to see her today at the nursing home . I am scared of her being gone, she was everything to me and life without her will be incomplete. Would appreciate some supportive words to help please .

This is the scariest bit- the anticipation. Afterwards, it’s sad and bewildering and can be lonely. You might get feelings of anger or guilt, and feelings of despair- but you will get through it. I lost my parents 13 years ago and I was terrified that I simply couldn’t survive it but I did, of course.

Depending on the situation/illness etc, people can look really awful at the end. My poor Mum was less than 5 stone and her appearance- and her suffering- was very upsetting. Those images stayed with me for a while after she was gone- but they DID go eventually. Now I have to work quite hard to recall those memories, whereas memories of her as her younger self, fit and healthy and happy are the memories I see the most.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s incredibly tough. 💐

Just remember there is always someone here on mumsnet to listen.

My brother and I were with our parents when they died. Dad died when we left the room for a few minutes- I like to believe that was his choice, and it certainly was in keeping with the kind of man he was (private, stoic). Mum on the other hand, died while we were right there with her, holding her hands, telling her we loved her and that it was ok to let go.

My heart breaks for you. I have been where you are now. 💔Like others posters have said, you will find the strength somehow inside of you to get through it, even though it hurts like hell.

Losing my Mum is one of the hardest things I have gone through and in those early days it was physically painful and I actually doubted whether I would come back from it. But I did. I found the strength to deliver the eulogy at her funeral and to support my adult DD's through losing their lovely Nanna.

Life without her initially was very very hard but each day got slightly better and somewhere along the line something shifted. Instead of feeling grief I felt gratitude. I was immensely grateful that I had her for as long as I did, and for all the moments in life she had supported me through. I was grateful SHE was MY Mum. And I remember thinking of all the things she taught me and how very much she would hate me to be unhappy. She would want so much for me to be free of grief and to live my life so I did.

Once I reached that turning point it became easier and I could think of her and smile and laugh and with fondness.

Please spend some time with her, talk to her, talk about memories you have and hold her hand. You will be grateful you were there when all this is over and you will get through this, I promise. 🌹

So sorry for what you are going through. With my dear Dad I was lucky to have sat with him the night before he died, held his hand and said my goodbyes and told how much I loved him just in case he didn't make it through the night. So glad I did.
With dear mum it was so very different she was in a care home and it was just a normal day and I going to visit her as usual when I turned up they told me she had passed away about an hour before. It was such a shock and didn't have the chance to have a last conversation to say anything I needed to say so was very hard. She was going down hill but not enough for them to be worried about her. The only comfort I have is she slipped away in her sleep. Sending my love to you during this time

I spent three hours with her and have come home for a rest as I was feeling a bit panicky and dizzy . I just can’t believe my beautiful mum is going, I realise it’s nature but so, so hard . I think this is the worse bit as I am just waiting for the inevitable.

You are doing well. This stage is so so hard. Do you have support from family and friends?

My husband has been excellent.

💐Still thinking of you and your lovely mum.

This is so true. I sat with my darling Mum for 7 hours without moving an inch. My phone had long since been out of battery, so I turned away to get a charger out of my bag and the little bugger took her opportunity to slip away in those 30 seconds that I had let go of her hand!!

My mother died just over a week ago. It’s very hard but there was a very strong sense of her being liberated from her body which had become a burden. I hope your lovely Mum finds the same peace, and you too 💐

I read In Blackwater Woods by Mary Oliver on that day and I’ll read it at her funeral.

She’s still here, just sat with her she’s very peaceful but developing the death rattle just like my dad did . I know it’s sounds worse than it is .

@Marvellousmeadowsthinking of you! So glad she’s peaceful at the moment and you’re there together xxxx

I’ve recently had this with my dad. Thinking of you.

Life will never be the same again once she has gone but you are her daughter and she has given you the strength to carry on, to cope with her not being physically here with you. She will always walk beside you, will always hold your hand and will always love you.

Mum died this afternoon, I am so privileged to have been there . I told her my dad and her dog were waiting for her . Her wheezing stopped, she held my hand tight and smiled before she died . The love in the room was in abundance ❤️

I’m so sorry she’s gone OP. But I’m really happy you were there and that she was at peace and with you. Sending you lots of warmth and hugs 🌺

@Marvellousmeadows I am so sorry you have lost your dm. It sounds like she was surrounded by love when she went, which is really all we can ask for 💐

Oh @Marvellousmeadows you've made me cry. Your last post is so wonderful. She knew she was so loved and she loved you so much. There is no greater thing in this life. I am so sorry for your loss as she goes on her next journey and I wish I could hug you.

I'm so sorry. Your lovely mum mum is now at peace, she knew you were with her and that you love her as she loves you. 💐

I am so sorry she has gone but I am so pleased you were with her.

You were with her. She knew she was loved xx

So sorry for your loss.
You and your Mum both sound lovely. How lucky you were to have each other 💐

Can you sit with her and play music, read to her…almost make it normal? That can alleviate the fear for all of you (speaking from experience 💔) sending strength to you

What @Meadowfinchsaid. I know it’s frightening..I almost didn’t go to see my partner at his EOL 18 months ago as I was scared but he needed me and am glad I did