How to stop 92 year old from driving

[bigboots303]

I know this has been well discussed before, so I am throwing my hat in the ring as well.
My dad is 92 years and still drives. Loves it!
I am obsessed with the idea that he should stop now. It is causing some heated debates because he is resisting my strong persuasive arguments. He doesnt want to change his habits or life, which involves lots of driving.
I love my dad and hate to upset him but I really feel his age makes him less capable at driving. The natural age-related loss of balance, coordination and slowing of reflex and reaction times make him a risk to others.
How can he possibly be a safe driver at that age? It makes no sense to me, even though he has had a fairly clean driving record.

As for his potential loss of independence, he is recently moved to a nice retirement flat close to family and plenty of taxi firms and even a regular bus from the flats to town. He could adjust I am sure. If he wanted to...
He is quite frail and doddery, which is understandable at his age. He is of sound(ish) mind and has reasonable eyesight. He is very stubborn and I am failing to get through to him. I have tried everything from reasonable debate, tough words, even begging and emotional blackmail.
To no avail. He is unmoved.

I am trying to protect others from what he could cause.
Am I being unfair on him, do you think?

Throw him a tennis ball and when he fails to catch it, you tell him outright his poor reflexes will kill somebody. If that doesn't work you need to sabotage his car.

Let him take you out and you assess how he is.

Discuss him going for an assessment at a Regional Driving Assessment Centre www.rdac.org.uk. Tell him it's to reassure you, that youre worried sick. Maybe pay for it yourself? And if he passes their assessment, you need to accept that and back off.

I think you can ask a doctor to get involved. It's a tricky time.

I hope that's a joke.

My FiL is 92 and still a very good driver. My mums partner is 82 and really dreadful.

Its not age per se, but their responsiveness.

Unless he drives long distances it would be cheaper to use taxis than pay for the insurance on the car as insurance for older drivers is phenomenally expensive, so you could try the monetary aspect . I’d also check that he has insurance as you’d be amazed how many people don’t

You are not being unfair, but I don't know what the answer is.

My father only stopped driving after he ran into something. Luckily for him, it was only a bollard and not another vehicle.

I think you're being very unreasonable indeed. Just because someone is in their 90s doesn't necessarily mean they shouldn't be driving. My mum was still fine driving at 92, but then her sight deteriorated rapidly and she was told to stop by the eye clinic around her 93rd birthday. Stopping driving marked a very significant downturn in her life in every way - losing her independence shattered her and I will never forget her face the day I drove her car away from her house. I signed my mum up to Dial a ride, taxi card, and she lived very close to several bus routes, but she didn't ever adjust to using them, and flatly refused to ever try the taxi service. My mum became increasingly isolated and introverted and lost her sense of purpose. Many people of that age have never used taxis and won't start now they're in their 90s, and taking their independence away when it's not necessary is really cruel.

You've not said anything in your post that suggests he is a danger on the roads - certainly no more do than some of the people who have posted on recent driving threads that they are too nervous to go on motorways or drive down country lanes after dark - they are the people who shouldn't be driving, not your dad. Until you have a valid reason to think that he is a danger, other than the fact that he's getting old, I think you should keep out of this.

What does a ‘fairly clear driving record’ look like?

How is his vision? Can he turn to look behind him when sat in the car? Could he do an emergency stop if needed?

If you have specific concerns you can contact the DVLA but nothing happens very quickly ime.

This is a very difficult question because it depends entirely on the individual. However, all the stats indicate that it is young drivers who have the most crashes per driver, and old drivers who have the fewest.

I understand your concern but you cannot definitely say that your Dad is a danger on the road any more than anyone can say that you are.

In my experience I have noticed that older drivers do in the main recognise any slowing down in their reactions, or problems with vision, and take steps to deal with this. They drive less at night, less on motorways, more on familiar routes, get their eyes checked etc. Unless they have signs of dementia and cannot make the decision to take these precautions then there does not seem any reason to make general assumptions about their driving ability.

Let him try the taxis and see how convenient it is with the door to door and no parking. As others have said check how much the insurance is and also on the maintenance schedule of the car.

This is what I as going to advise. See above quote.

What evidence do you have that he is a poor driver. Do you get in the car with him very often? Is he having accidents or relaying tales of incidents on the road at all? Is the car covered in dents and scratches?

My granny stopped 1 yr ago at 93 after she reversed into her neighbours van. Scrapes kept appearing on her car but she was adamant it wasn't her fault.

AnyWay, it was luck my aunt was there when she did hit the neighbours car as my aunt then said, as her POA she had a duty to remove the keys. Granny accepted that and adapted ok

He doesnt need to reassure her, they are her own anxieties, he doesnt need to perform something or change something he is doing because she cant cope with the idea of him driving. Thats ridiculous.

I was also going to suggest similar, with a link to https://www.drivingmobility.org.uk/assessments/driving-assessments/ if he’s confident he’s safe on the road then he should have no reason/excuse not to take an assessment to “prove you wrong” 😊

Take the keys away. Worked in my family. And do it soon, please.

…or a person. And this is why you don’t hesitate to remove the keys. I don’t know how people have this on their conscience FFS

@Myneighboursnorlax But why the hell should he take the assessment? I think many older people who are still driving safely would be extremely offended at a suggestion that they should stop, and when you get older you don't just adapt to taking taxis. The OP has not said anything at all that makes it sound as though he is unsafe on the roads - it's just the ageist bigotry of people on here assuming that he isn't safe any more because he's 92.

An 89yr old ran my older brother over on a Sunday afternoon 3 weeks ago. My brother was on a crossing, the lights were red and my brother was crossing when he should. The man never saw the lights had changed and threw my brother into the air, landing face first on the ground. Snapped his ankle, collapsed his lung, broke 6 ribs and knocked him out.
The driver is still denying he did anything wrong and the police are reluctant to prosecute based on the driver being "so old and vulnerable" it's fucking infuriating.

My mum is 80 and still driving but she goes for eyesight tests specifically for driving and is fully prepared to stop driving when she knows she can no longer do it. She's a brilliant driver and thankfully isn't yet having slower reactions.

@bigboots303 I got his GP involved and subsequently his licence was removed. You could try this route?

You can report anonymously to DVLA if you suspect someone is not fit to drive

Thanks to all who responded. Its really interesting the range of views on this very tricky subject.
Right now I feel like the big bad wolf, upsetting my dear old dad and trying to bully him into stopping driving. I am feeling guilty about that.
But I just cannot understand how a frail aged person should be able to operate a car because nobody will stop him. I may be upsetting him by my pig-headed attitude, but if he causes an accident because his reactions or whatever were not fast enough at 92 years old. How could they be?
🤔

How can you just ‘take away’ someone’s keys, wouldn’t that be theft?

Age aside, how is his driving? I think it's interesting you haven't mentioned that he is appalling or dangerous.

What driving is he doing? Nipping to the shop is different to going down the motorway.

I'd be cautious of taking the purpose/independence away from someone this age, may well finish him off.