How to stop 92 year old from driving

[bigboots303]

I know this has been well discussed before, so I am throwing my hat in the ring as well.
My dad is 92 years and still drives. Loves it!
I am obsessed with the idea that he should stop now. It is causing some heated debates because he is resisting my strong persuasive arguments. He doesnt want to change his habits or life, which involves lots of driving.
I love my dad and hate to upset him but I really feel his age makes him less capable at driving. The natural age-related loss of balance, coordination and slowing of reflex and reaction times make him a risk to others.
How can he possibly be a safe driver at that age? It makes no sense to me, even though he has had a fairly clean driving record.

As for his potential loss of independence, he is recently moved to a nice retirement flat close to family and plenty of taxi firms and even a regular bus from the flats to town. He could adjust I am sure. If he wanted to...
He is quite frail and doddery, which is understandable at his age. He is of sound(ish) mind and has reasonable eyesight. He is very stubborn and I am failing to get through to him. I have tried everything from reasonable debate, tough words, even begging and emotional blackmail.
To no avail. He is unmoved.

I am trying to protect others from what he could cause.
Am I being unfair on him, do you think?

My 83 year old father died in a car crash last year that police think was mainly his fault.
we had many discussions as a family that he shouldn’t be driving and assurances from him that he was only going locally and would not drive at night. I am not sure what we could
or should have done differently.
retesting would be a great idea

Organise an eye test for him, they should do a range of vision assessment - it’s likely he will fail and the optician has to notify the dvla.

Really? It’s utterly baffling to you that people are “crying ageism” when OP has not ben able to articulate one single issue with her father’s driving, but still wants to restrict him.

Wouldn't you “cry sexism” if someone wanted to restrict your liberty just because you were a woman?

I agree. My 90 year old uncle who was still an excellent driver blacked out momentarily at the wheel last year, killing both himself and his wife. I'm only grateful no one else was involved/injured.

It’s the mumsnet nonunderstanders. Here they can’t think how age might diminish driving ability, which is the ability to operate a machine that can kill others as well as the driver. Getting tested and having caring family pointing the driver to assessments is the right action, but the nonunderstanders can’t understand this. It’s the same on other threads for other matters.

I agree.
And the 'how dare they' ' nobody's going to stop me driving' attitude is really dangerous.
If someone if concerned about your ability to drive, listen and think. It's better someone stops driving to soon (and organises their lives to facilitate this) than to late.

Opticians are not required to do this.

But OP hasnt seen any of that, she said that herself. She doesnt have any evidence at all.

I think bi annual testing using reflex testing on a computer should be in place from age 80, then annually from 90. Or mandatory black box in the car from 80 in order to get insurance.

I would hope this would encourage some to voluntarily surrender their license.

DF is 91, he loves driving although he does very little of it. We thought he had lost his license earlier this year and I said a quiet hurrah to myself, but turns out he had filled in the wrong type of diabetes so he got it back. I have been told he isn't a dreadful driver, but his reflexes aren't that great.

Do you think that just because the op hasn’t witnessed this driver killing someone by driving that the driver shouldn’t get medically tested due to age? The op is concerned due to his age and I don’t know anyone who hasn’t a reduced ability/function at this age. There’s nothing wrong with saying I’m/they’re elderly so let’s get medically tested to ensure my/their driving ability is still ok. Just like all the other health checks this driver will do - cancer checks, blood test for general health, medication management etc. A driving ability test should be done - eye sight, reflexes, knowledge of road signs etc. when I learnt to drive I was told watch out for children and the elderly because these two groups can’t assess correctly the speed of vehicle when deciding if they should cross the road. Get this elderly driver tested - hopefully the all ok but if not then it could be lives saved - even your family lives saved.

I think until you get in a car with him to see what his driving's actually like, he'll always be able to fall back on the perfectly reasonable, 'well, how would you know?' argument.

Whilst I can't claim it's a representative sample 2 out of circa 60 80+ congregation members totalled their cars last year, one lady has just spent Christmas in the high dependency unit following her latest crash (wasn't the first!) i think everyone, not just older people should have periodic driving assessment with frequency increasing, perhaps at 50 then 70 then 80 then 85 then 88 then 90 then annually? My dads driving definitely isn't as good as 20 years ago, he's not even 80

Do you think that just because the op hasn’t witnessed this driver killing someone by driving that the driver shouldn’t get medically tested due to age? Where on earth did you pick that up from the post you’re replying to?

From the links posted about the elderly killing from their driving.

It's utterly baffling to me how so many replies are crying ageism and or calling OP interfering.

it’s human nature, people see it in their future & get scared by it.

The idea that someone older has the same reflexes, mobility etc vs when they are younger is nonsense & just because there are some young drivers who are crap doesn’t change it.

I actually thought there were compulsory tests after 70
but it seems not. It’s really scary that so many older people are driving around like lunatics. That could be your child they kill.

This can and does happen at any age though.
Happened to my neighbour in his thirties, turned out he had a brain tumour.
Happened to a local lady in her early 60s, no cause found, couldn’t drive for a year.
Utterly unfair to use this as an excuse to stop old people driving!

My mum stopped driving in her 70s as her sight deteriorated. My dad still drives, he drives slower than he used to, but I’ve driven with him and he’s still a good driver.

If there are clear signs that his driving is becoming dangerous then having that discussion is worthwhile, otherwise leave him be.

That’s not to say that you don’t keep an eye on the situation, or ignore the obvious when it’s clear that driving must stop, but on the info given it doesn’t sound like the op has evidence that his driving is dangerous, and deciding based on age alone is unfair.

deciding based on age alone is unfair.

Hes 92! Age alone is a factor…

“A group which represents older drivers is calling on all motorists aged over 65 to consider a regular driver's assessment.
The Older Drivers Forum, which works with police forces across the UK, is urging older motorists to have a review of their skills and any medical issues.
It comes as figures from the Department of Transport show a 45% increase since 2010 in the number of motorists aged over 70 who have been hurt or killed in accidents in the UK.”

I guess the Older Drivers Forum is ageist?

Controversial but maybe they should make all
90+ drivers retake their test.

It's hardly going to be a huge number of people and however ageist this sounds, I'm not sure any 90+ has the reflex ability to drive safely.

of course it varies from person to person, but I think it’s generally accepted that by the age of 90 most have slower reactions which is a huge issue when driving. At that age one week they can decline quickly.. one week fine the next not. Of course there needs to be some kind of regular test.

I’d be the last to take someone’s independence for no reason but if it’s that or having an unsafe driver on the roads which my kids use too, I’d have no problem with it.

This is really difficult op. A child was killed in my area recently by an elderly driver who probably shouldn't have been on the road. Wasn't persecuted due to his age and vulnerability and no closure or recourse for that child's family. Awful thing for him to live with having done. Utterly heartbreaking all round.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but trying to find the balance is really difficult. I think I would try and have a very neutral conversation with him and ask him how he would know if it was time for him to stop driving - what would need to happen or what signs would he need to see in himself? Try and ask it in such a way that he doesn't get defensive about it. Then look for those signals yourself, or if he says when I have accidents then I'd ask him would that not be too late if he or others could get very hurt is there a stage just before that? Try to get an agreement that if he or you see those signs he'll surrender the keys. Then you watch for those signs and if you see them you point them out. I would also ask him to do one day a week with you on public transport so he can get used to it.

Anonymously reporting is probably for the best or suggesting that he does an assessment just to appease you.

I’m happy to redo my driving test and theory test based on age alone as a factor at anytime now or in the future. I’d welcome this.

I absolutely think people should resit driving tests every ten years at say, 70, 80 (90..). I am more than happy for people to continue to drive if they pass them. Too many older people are driving who should not be on the road (I agree there are younger people too, but we are talking here about older ones). My FIL drove for years despite being pretty much numb from the waist down. Scarily unsafe, yet he wouldnt stop. No way would any family members get in a car with him, yet they did nothing. My mum became a danger to herself and others due to cognitive decline, failing eyesight, panic attacks etc. We took her car keys off her (she thought she’d lost them). I wouldn’t have got in a car with her, and would not have been able to sleep if she had hurt someone either. No regrets at all. Frankly more people should do it.