When your caring responsibilities finally end... a lottery winning style fantasy thread

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

when my parents have gone and I no longer have to spend half my time off driving around to their house and at their house looking after them and responding to various crises
if DD is still living at home (I hope so because otherwise I still have a bloody long time left of this) I am going to pay for DH and DD to go on holiday for 2 weeks. I shall stay at home, doing absolutely nothing for anyone else at all for the first time in decades.
I shall spend the time planning the extension I will be purchasing if there is any money left; purchasing the harp and harpsichord I intend to fill it with. And I will eat cheese and bread for every single meal for the entire fortnight.

if DD is still living at home…. when?

how old is she?

if DD is still living at home (I hope so because otherwise I still have a bloody long time left of this)

confused

She's 13. I'm 4 years down so that would mean there would be at least another 5-6 years of looking after my parents. I may have had a nervous breakdown by then.

Except I would be going on holiday and leaving everyone else at home. I might not even tell anyone where I’m going. Then I would sit by the pool for a week and just read.

of lookin after her?

im confused

Confused.com

sorry clearly my op wasn't clear enough.
if Dd is no longer living at home I won't be needing for her to go holiday with Dh to give me a complete break from servicing everyone else's needs

It's the elderly parents thread.

She's saying when the elderly person she is caring for dies, she would like the rest of the family to go on holiday so she can stay home alone.

I get it OP.

If people have missed which board this is on, they may not get that you are caring for an elderly parent as you didn't specify in your OP

Thankyou ! I thought it was fairly obvious given I posted in elderly parents which is pretty much the only board I go on !

i’d be a bit alarmed if you daughter at 19 is reliant on you to “service her needs”!

why not suggest to DH that he go away for a mini break with DD to give you some time to rejuvenate

I’ve no idea what’s confusing other posters. It’s clear as day. The OP means that she hopes her DD is still of an age where she’s living at home because if not, the length of time between now and her parents’ passing () is a long, long time.

I hear you!
Sadly, even if mum goes my pils are now needing more help/support
I could be retired before this ends:(

I get it. I love the harp and harpsichord plan. Sounds perfect.

That is my ultimate dream, to be left completely alone in my own house for at least a couple of weeks without doing a single thing for another person. Not having to look after anyone, shop or cook meals I don't even eat. I swear I will die of exhaustion before it ever happens.,

Well exactly. Maybe you should read my post properly.

there is no point in DH taking DD away for a mini break now as I STILL HAVE TO CARE FOR MY PARENTS. Which was the whole point of the post. I wish I hadn't bothered now.

I often fantasise about going away on my own somewhere - I look longingly at those Warner Leisure adult only hotels: Get up, have breakfast, go for walk around grounds, read, have lunch, go for walk, read, long bath, have dinner, be entertained, go to bed, read. I just know there'd be some crisis though to pull me back to reality. Sadly, I seem to be the "go-to" crisis solver/reassurer in the family, so even when these no longer involve DM, I think I won't be left in peace.

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew us vets of these threads get it completely! 🌺🌺
and as a “graduate” of these boards I suggest you find a way to do something, however small, somehow NOW because nothing is guaranteed. I know only too well that getting a break is almost impossible- I even had a call from the surgery nurse wanting to do a covid jab saying she was outside mums and couldn’t get a reply…
I had to tell her mum had died the previous day……
plus other calls interrupting precious moments from the continence nurse…..
@MissMarplesNiece can you cease being so efficient? You matter

Your post made perfect sense to me. I don’t get the confusion 🤷‍♀️

Ooh I love your fantasy instruments 😍
I would do something similar, with additional cat-to-cattery-in-animal-taxi

OP - I found your message clear and poignant. You can’t imagine carrying on like you are now for another 4 or 5 years. Totally understand where you’re coming from.

My dad died unexpectedly last May (82) and my mum died just 11 weeks later of heartbreak (83) they had been together for 60 years. I've always kind of looked after them with things like tech support, shopping etc. but the last five years were full on and both myself and DH continued to work full time, it was exhausting and frustrating. It's an odd feeling now they've gone, I miss my mum in particular, she was my biggest critic but at the same time, my biggest supporter. It's hard when you're caught up in the situation but every day, I wish there was a message on my answer phone from my mum (we only kept the landline for my parents) asking me to call her.

I don’t know what I’d do because I’m so deep in it I’ve no idea what I’d do if I wasn’t.

realistically probably have the breakdown that I’m permanently in the edge of (sorry terrible grammar but I can’t think how to rephrase it). If I don’t have to be places and do things and ring people and send emails then I think the lack of structure will cause me problems. I lost four hours the other day staring out of the window.

however in the spirit of the thread what I would love to do is retire early and spend my day doing the hobbies that I have no time for - crafts and walking and gardening etc. maybe rediscover the travel bug that I had when I was younger.

I get it @StiffyByngsDogBartholomew…
when my DF died and my DM was left on her own I said to my family 'I don't think I can cope with another 10 years like this", never imagining that she would stagger on with rapidly diminishing QoL for as long as she has. Like you I daydream about the day when freedom comes - and hope it arrives while I still have the ability and time to enjoy it…

My caring responsibilities finally ended a year ago. It took a few months to rediscover life and not flinch every time the home phone rang. I threw myself into gardening. After years of looking after two homes, two gardens and the physical caring and mental responsibilities I am finally able to concentrate on me and my family under my roof. Last year was the year of digging up huge new flower beds and planting up perennials. This spring I shall see all the bulbs I have planted come up