DP angling for an extension for FIL to live in

[mids2019]

Just had Chrismtas with FIL (74) staying. My DP admittedly after a couple of drinks keeps hinting at either a garage or loft conversion to accommodate FIL if he deterioraites in future. I have managed to dismiss such suggestions as fancifuln so far but in the last year FIL has neglected housework significantly and I think there are more and more instances of senior moments.

I really do not want to go down this theoretical route and want to somehow gently but finely express my feelings but feel this may be point of conflict with my DP.

.

Anyone else had similar issues and how did it go?

why can't we make sure he's comfortable and not lonely in his dotage?''

There are lots of ways to do that that don't involve building an extention you can't afford and moving him in.

You mentioned the need to look at long term loans. Loans for what? And who would be taking out the loan - you or your FiL?

Europe's a big place with a lot of cultures @Lydia777 (and a lot of variation in housing sizes and types, cost of living, health and care systems, life expectancies....)

Things were different then.

It was possible to run a household comfortably on one wage.

People had children much earlier, who moved out and got married much younger, so there weren’t 3 generations in one house and a good gap between children fledging and elderly parents moving in.

Life expectancy was shorter. Cancer etc would carry people off before dementia became almost inevitable.

Those I knew with elderly relatives living with them only had them for a few years. At 74, your FIL could easily have a good 10-15 years ahead of him.

This is about his stubbornness not to socially adapt, not an actual need to live with you and your partner.

U3A was a godsend for my parents. They made so many friends and started new interests, it did them the world of good. They were out 4 or 5 times a week with their friends.