🪳 Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Autumn 2023

[MereDintofPandiculation]

I’ve just done the autumn deepclean, brought in a load of logs, and made sure we have plenty of rugs and throws, and toasting forks and marshmallows. I’ve even brought in extra rugs from the Good Daughters’ room under the stairs - they’re not needed there, no-one ever uses it.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

DH got mum home and she couldn't find her key in her handbag. Good job she has a key box. Just found the keys under the sofa. Goodness knows howthey got there.

How did my Mum manage to come to us for Christmas and not say one single word to DS, her only grandchild, child of her only child? How?
She is deaf and struggling with a hearing aid but I swear she can hear when she wants to.
Sometimes I wonder if she’s afraid of him, because she doesn’t know what to make of him.
Me, however - she has no problem tossing out passive aggressive comments after I’ve spent most of a day helping her with stuff.
DF just bumbles around her. Tbh if he eats all his Christmas dinner I’m happy, he’s 95 and still enjoys it so that’s not so bad.
But - dear God how many more weird fucking Christmases am I going to do with this woman!

If it’s any consolation, MIL has forgotten my name (DH and I have been married for nearly 30 years) and on a couple of occasions today was talking to me and thought she was talking to DD (age13). We’ve had slow, painful decline for nearly 5 years now and I reckon it could easily go on for another 5 - I’ve been betting for a while that she’ll die or have a major health crisis in the middle of DD’s GCSEs or A-Levels, and I think more likely A-Levels, which gives us at least another 4.5 years of this.

BIL is looking a bit ragged, and I know DH is feeling the strain. It will be a bitter irony if they both go before she does.

DM came to us and ate an enormous lunch including starter and pudding then I dropped her off with DB where she ate an enormous tea. It was good to see her eating. She’s lost so much weight in the last year. She’s very very bent though. Her mobility has declined so much. She told DS when he was taking her into DB’s it would be her last Christmas.

I don’t know. Having my first drink of the day. Cheers.

Me too! Took them home (1 hr there, 1 hr back, so picked them up, had Christmas meal and tea and cake etc then returned them, that’s 4 hours driving in stinking wet conditions today) and came home to a turkey sandwich and lovely cold glass of white Burgundy. Cheers!

Happy Christmas. Had Christmas lunch with DB at mums, she declined to come downstairs so ate a toddler size portion on a tray in bed, no teeth so everything mashed (so glad I facilitated all those dentist appointments for her new teeth she’s never worn). Kept insisting it is Christmas tomorrow. I put the King on at 3pm and it seemed to sink in that it was today. Eventually she agreed to open her presents (cosy bed jacket, chocolates) just before I left. Returned home with an intact M&S trifle, changed into my pjs and ate a huge bowl and now opened the Baileys. DH doing similar duty Christmas at his mums, won’t be home for a couple of days so I can watch all the old b&w films he doesn’t like and eat my body weight in chocolate. Christmas starts now for me. Hope everyone else is also similarly relaxing. Cheers.

Too late to say Happy Christmas so an early Happy New Year instead.

DS2 and DIL visited DF this morning and took presents in for him. DS2 and I went in in the evening and struck gold - Home Alone on the tv - anything is better than bloody tipping point.DF for some reason decided to read the subtitles to us, and supplement it with commentary of his own, which confirmed how little he follows. Quite a strange evening

24 hours until I can go to work! The time is going soooo slowly.

Do you want to tell us more?

All went quite well here for Christmas. Picked nan up at 12. I did my usual greeting of 'Morning, Everything OK?' To which she replied with her usual response of 'No everything most certainly is not ok' 😉 I told her that unfortunately she would have to pretend it was fine for the children's sakes.... After that she was actually fine! She ate a little bit of dinner and some pudding, watched Cinderella and the Kings speech, had a little snooze and seemed to enjoy herself. I took her home at about 6 and got her settled for the evening. Shes at my sisters today. I hope you all had a happy and peaceful day xx

@MereDintofPandiculation totally agree about the tediousness of tipping point!!!

Mum up in a chair again yesterday. Having odd sips and spoonfuls but shook her head to more than a spoonful of custard. Still sounding quite wheezy. I wonder if she has decided it's time to go. Maybe 2 months?

My DM loves Tipping Point too, which makes me want to stick pins in my eyes. Do you hit 80 and then start loving quizzes, she never used to be like this. She also likes Pointless which I don't find quite as bad but always wonder how those two educated men can keep a straight face when they say 'Another pointless answer'!

I've always liked quizzes but they need to have some meat to them. I've done the King William's Quiz since I was quite young, sitting at the dining room table with a pile of encyclopedias around me.

Dad likes Tipping Point, but he appears to think all the contestants are weather forecasters. I don't think he has realised it's a quiz.

Never seen Pointless.

My mum loves quiz programmes but she has the tv on so loud I hope the couple in the attached semi do as well.

My Mum used to go on quiz programs, which led to an odd moment this year when a friend said, "I saw your Mum this week!" (she's been dead for over four years now). Repeat broadcast of one of the shows she was on...

Both friend and I have lost two parents each so we don't have any diplomatic pretenses to uphold.

Quiz shows rule in DM’s too. you. She LOVES Tipping Point.
DF used to love quizzes too but liked the more difficult ones. They used to look after our old dog who used to go and sit by the door when he heard the Countdown theme as he knew he’d be going home straight after.

Went to visit DM with DD and DGGS. DM was thrilled to see them. DGS sat opposite DM and the two of them smiled and giggled at each other. DM wasn't sure which DGGS it was (they are two weeks apart) and looked at my daughter and said "Oooh you've got one of those as well!"

Nowhere near as bad as some have it but a few days of being sandwich generation pulled in all directions by the needs of others! Elderly relatives staying over for Christmas want to talk non-stop about their favoured topics, want an audience for this and do not approve of any changes to their idea of Christmas (they're relatives from both sides so Christmas traditions have always differed!). They get very tired and nod off frequently and do not want to move from where they're sitting. Then insist on staying up late talking and being even more tired. Then they crash around in the early hours waking everyone up.
Combined with wildly over-excited child who wants to talk non-stop about favoured topics to an audience. Wakes up anyone who nods off. Needs exercise outside every day. Attempted to take out of house for exercise to avoid waking up the people who've fallen asleep but they then get grumpy about their audience
going out and leaving them. Child then woken up by elderly relative crashing around in the night so we then have over-tired delirious child to add to the mix.

Went to parents on Christmas Eve, came back early evening today. Dad was doing his dying swan routine and pushing his dinner round the plate. Mum shows no sign of ever shuffling off this mortal coil and seems quite content. Last year I was convinced it would be her last Christmas, now I'm not sure she will ever die and I will just be stuck in limbo with them for ever. Thank god that I was working nights as at least I was able to escape from the deafeningly loud TV playing programmes about scammers in 30 degree heat for some time yesterday to sleep.
I was beyond thrilled to come home this evening and celebrated with a supper of hash browns and a bottle of wine while watching Taylor swift

Hi - glad everyone’made it’ through Xmas. My mum passed away on the 23rd - very quick turnaround imo and always a shock I guess if not a surprise. Still kinda expected her to recover again when she started being more unwell and now still kinda expecting her to be there. I’m still there and all the jobs now around it to be started today, so it’s been ok to have a few days ‘peace’. I did Xmas here and opened her presents (few) - weird maybe but it was what I had expected to be doing - quiet day, but would have been very weird if it hadn’t been!
Best wishes to all for the New Year and next year - these threads have been a saviour to me so thank you as well to all.

@MsJinks what a release that must be, things have been very tough indeed for you x

@MsJinks that must have been a real shock. But I'm glad you are finding some peace. 💐

@MsJinks I hope the sadmin goes smoothly and doesn't cause too much stress.

@MsJinks 💐