Cockroach cafe 🪳 Summer 2023 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! I’ve done a really good clean of the place overnight, and brought in sweet peas, and raspberries from the garden to go with the scones and clotted cream.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Thank you all. I've kind of barged in here so will start my own thread about what happens to someone living alone with dementia. Obviously it was very different - though still horrendous - when FIL had MIL in the house with him.

Thanks for all the responses.

@BishyBarnyBee my mum lives on her own with alzheimer's she was diagnosed nearly 3 years ago and dad died January 2022.
Until recently she was coping OK at home as long as everything stayed the same. Got totally confused when she stayed with us or DB. Recently cleaning and putting on clean clothes seems to be going awry. Unfortunately she doesn't remember seeing anyone for a diagnosis therefore it hasn't happened she is perfectly fine (ditto her needing a hearing aid) and won't accept help.
So far she's needed support rather than care though we have had carers going in once a day just to check she's OK ( none of us are local and her hearing the phone when we call is hit and miss) and to check the fridge for rancid food that she thinks she's only just put in there. Support is tough because it's random, she receives a letter that confuses her, turns off the heating and wonders why it doesn't come on or misplaced something so it's hard to buy in planned help. She has been conned into overpaying massively for some work in the garden.
Recently she's started to get physically frail so we are trying to concentrate on that as a reason to get a cleaner in.

@BishyBarnyBee @TucSandwich also companion tickets for the theatre and a blue badge! It's a terrible disease, there is no denying that but I'm trying to maximise the benefits and focus on enjoying my mum as much as I can still and give her the best life she can live right now. My DM has vascular dementia so this could be a long goodbye or she could die tomorrow if something heart related. I'm trying to take it about 3 months at a time and not worry about the future too much.

Dad's main wheelchair (which he can self propel) came from our local mobility shop but is quite heavy, especially for my mum. We bought a cheaper lightweight spare one on eBay.

Sorry just realised that the thread has moved on. I'm not quite with it today. Too little sleep + lots of work + parent stress.

DWP are being a pain today as dad had a letter re the winter fuel payment so I thought I would let them know that he'd gone into a care home. Only they won't speak to me until I lodged the LPA with them and just directed me to their website where there's no email address I can send it to. So I'm going to have to go to my local Jobcentre Plus tomorrow to see if they can copy & submit it for me. It's the only working day that I have free this month so fingers crossed I don't need an appointment.

Both parents are looking increasingly frail. I had to remind mum again that she should be wearing her pendant rather than just being in the same room as it. I fear she'll just ignore me and may end up falling with it out of reach. It really is like nagging a small child to do things these days.

@WhatHaveIFound Don't worry about the DWP. As long as he gets the right benefits he's still entitled to the payment.

@WhatHaveIFound I’ve just done this. Think this address is correct. I affixed a note to it saying “please return to…” and to my astonishment got it back by return of post. Still haven't got back the one I sent to Attendance Allowance people.

But you’re supposed to notify them promptly of any change of address, so Ive just found out rather belatedly. Rather unpleasant phonecall.

This is the 684th post so we might as well move to the new thread