Cockroach cafe 🪳 Summer 2023 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! I’ve done a really good clean of the place overnight, and brought in sweet peas, and raspberries from the garden to go with the scones and clotted cream.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

No offence Shell but you sound like my mum with that statement of the obvious! 😂

Yes, I do have a lot on my plate and trying to figure out how to make it better.

Emma, you need Path of Least Resistance
At work when things went really tits up, and we were panicking, this was like an emergency switch. The cry would go up, Path of Least Resistance’, and we would de-escalate and literally do the easiest thing to survive the moment.

I operate on a basis of not taking major decisions while under stress. So on that basis and the fact you haven’t said the £10k loss would wipe you out financially, I would cancel the sale of your old flat, mothball your new one until you can face doing the necessary to rent it out and move as much as you can manage to the old one and get better.

I’m saying this from the perspective of someone that has an unexpected mid-week visit to my mum this week due to a suspected health issue. She’s ok and I only had to stay one night, but I still had a moment in the kitchen at lunchtime and am feeling a bit wrung out. Everything you are saying shouts that you want to go back. So go back. Your only loss is financial and if you can take that, then take it.

Thanks for the replies

funnel sorry you are feeling wrung out.

I need to have a difficult conversation with my mother. It's about toilet cleaning. Or rather lack of it. The rest of the house is OK but my the loo is, to use a mumsnet favourite word, grim. I checked the cupboard and there was no toilet cleaner , descaler or bleach and the loo brush has vanished (if she hadn't lost her tablet charging cable and then the replacement months ago I'd think she'dbeen on mumsnet loo brush threads! ). She's also still got her obsession with kitchen bin liners being hideously expensive but doesn't clean the bin after emptying it🤢.
Had a chat with DB2 about a GP appointment for her assessment as she's had somewhere between 1 and a few falls in the last couple if weeks. Apparently she told him she hadn't seen me for a few weeks - the day after I'd got her emergency cash, taken her for vaccinations and to the supermarket.
But she hasn't got dementia no, no. She can't understand why anyone would think that as her memory is fine and she doesn't need any help.

Completely understand this as my DC stopped using the bathroom at my parents house some time ago so we now stop at the motorway services on the way there & back instead. I wouldn't mind but DM has a cleaner. It's just that she doesn't clean in-between the 2 weekly visit.

I'm also having mum problems as I don't think she's been taking her gastric tablets. Her latest endoscopy showed a worsening of her oesophagitis and I know she was issued with 4 weeks of tablets which would have run out on Tuesday if she was taking the correct amount. I am angry that she shows so little regard for her health and that I'm expected to take her to all the hospital appointments this results in.

@WhatHaveIFound I'm going to stock on loo cleaning products for my next visit. It's possible that she's just run out and forgets to buy more given the rest of the house is OK. I know from February's mouse infestation that she doesn't necessarily click that something is a problem - she just shook the mouse poo out of a mug before going to make me a cup of tea! Took me and DS all afternoon to clean the kitchen cupboards and contents but the next day she'd forgotten it happened.

Could you tell her you're not going to take her if she isn't cooperating with treatment?

Pull out! It doesn't sound like you're ready and it will just be a load of hassle and unhappiness.

@countrygirl99 I deep cleaned my mum's kitchen last time she in hospital overnight and stealth clean most times I visit. She always tells me not to bother and that the cleaner will do it but I can't stand the mess.

@TheShellBeach that's probably worth a try though I know I'll feel guilty that she has no one else.

@WhatHaveIFound that's the plan, just need to work out how to sneak in bleach etc😆. The bathroom cupboardwhere cleaning stuff is normally kept was bare so I couldn't do a sneak clean this time. I know if I say anything she will be puzzled how it got that bad because she will be convinced she cleans it regularly. I do suspect she has run out, forgotten to buy more because she doesn't keep a list to update as things run out but decides what to buy in the shop. She will look in the cupboard and think I'll skip this week must buy next Tuesday, forget well before Tuesday. And so on forgetting that she skipped last week and several weeks before. If I do a sneak clean and leave stuff in the cupboard we may possibly get back to normal. Kitchen and living room were fine.

@countrygirl would any of those things you put in the loo cistern work?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bloo-Cistern-Blocks-Blue-Water/dp/B00H520D7G/ref=asc_df_B00H520D7G/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=499374876221&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=18131777827768468584&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007103&hvtargid=pla-1269509558362&psc=1&th=1&psc=1
apologies for the long link!

@thesandwich the cistern is built in behind cladding and I'm not sure how to get to it with dismantling the whole wall. Mum never liked seeing cisterns. Now I'm facing this issue I'm determined never to buy a house with a hidden cistern.

Ahhh! Under the rim block thing?

Hadn't thought of that. Good idea.

Same with the bathroom at my nans. The rest of the house is fine (if rather cluttered) but the bathroom smells. I always put bleach down the toilet when I visit but it smells quite strongly. I will have to bite the bullet and clean it but I'm not relishing the thought...

It's been a hard week. Work has been mega busy, I've had parents evening, 6 ton of washing to do and my sister has been away. I know my nan thinks that we are not doing enough but I can't make more hours in the day. I've been in to her every other day and my neice went in once aswell. I've thought about maybe increasing the carers to evenings too but, tbh, she doesn't let them do anything except make her bed and porridge every morning so would it be worth it.. I know she is lonely but I don't physically feel I can go and just sit there with her listening to the stories of her health and medications anymore than I do. She lives in a development for over 60's with a social room but she won't join in with anything they do anymore - she did used to. I guess she is 98 and I should just let her moan on and on but it is draining it actually gives me a physical pain in my head. Sorry for the moan - just wanted to offload. I know it could be much worse and that some of you are in much worse situations. Wishing everyone a peaceful and stress free weekend!!

Been lurking quite a while but I decided it was time to join in.
My mum had a massive stroke in 2020, wasn't expected to pull through but she did - paralysed, without speech and catheterised, she is still at home with my dad and the customary carer visits. I'm an only so all the support falls to me although I'm much better off than many of you heroes on here. I think I'd have a meltdown if I had to live with them. I go in pretty much every day for at least an hour and spend one full day a week to give dad a break.
really excited as DD13 abd I are off to Venice for 4 days on Monday. It's the first time she's flown since 2019 abd she's very excited indeed, I only told her yesterday.
really looking forward to a break from it all. And the phone ringing...

Might have soaked into the floor if she splashes.

@MereDintofPandiculation maybe. Mind you I've got 2 teenage boys so if I didn't clean it, our bathroom would smell like that too!! 🤣

Some good news for the thread instead:

Ever since the coronation, my father has had a TV in his room, which he is now watching enthusiastically. Tipping Point! Aargh!! Goodness knows what he makes of it all. It makes a change from him asking me if I've spoken to his aunt Emily (who would be about 130 years old), and telling me that the nursing home is staffed by people on Community Service.

So I was astonished on Thursday that he was telling me that there was flooding in Scotland, that he was up to date with Israel, that he recognised Sunak and had strong views on his honesty.

Crikey @MereDintofPandiculation that sounds a huge turn around.

Not so much a turn around but a glimpse into a bit of him I haven’t seen recently.

‘Golden time’ is what my DSis and I called that @MereDintofPandiculation. My DM did this once every couple of years. Just a tiny window of lucidity when she would ask about my DMil and knew who we all were. It made everything seem better for a while. Lovely for you and him.

Welcome @StiffyByngsDogBartholomew