Life expectancy sent by email - relative

[BillStickersIsInnocent]

Hi, I hope someone can help.

I’m really shocked by this communication but I could well be missing something. A relative received an email after a CT scan saying he had inoperable lung cancer and giving him 2 years to live. 2 weeks later another email saying his scan had been sent to another clinician who has concluded he has 8 months to live.
This feels so cruel, I would have thought these conversations happen face to face or at least over the phone where you can ask questions.
Does anyone else have any experience of this type of communication?

The other thing that bothers me is that he hasn’t been given any details of the type of cancer (beyond basic organ type) or grade or stage. Or whether it has spread. He seems to think this info will come with the macmillan nurses but that sounds very off to me. Unless of course he has been told this but is in denial about it or has forgotten.

This is just all obvious bollocks to me. The most important thing about cancer is the grading and the stage because that is what governs treatment options.

Why would this come with the nurse or why would he think it would? As far as I know, Macmillan nurses don't get a carte blanche access to your medical records?

How was his lung cancer discovered? I had a friend who died of lung cancer which wasn't discovered until they had a brain tumour which then caused severe symptoms.

what do they say about why they are declining to show you the emails? I think if I were in your situation and strongly suspected lies, I would focus on trying to get the emails shown to you. You could see if you could find something that would motivate them to show them to you. You could just bare faced lie (like tell them you have a relatives support fund at work that makes
donations to deserving causes but you'd need to prove the diagnosis) but I personally wouldn't do that becuase of the microscopic chance they could be telling the truth as it would be a horrible thing to do. If things progress badly in terms of suspected fraud etc, then I would maybe considere as a last resort.

There are loads of newspaper reports about people lying about cancer diagnosis as a last resort. Maybe you should raise these in conversation although if he has a criminal record already he may not care if he's prepared to go to prison.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/oct/15/man-took-2000-from-mother-in-law-after-lying-about-cancer-for-years

https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/hull-mum-shaved-head-cruel-5653773

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/woman-fakes-cancer-life-insurance-money-b1955182.html

Yes it’s going to be a bucket list that involves far flung travel. His poor parents.

if I am ill it's nslc. What is his op?

The only - only - time I've ever seen a consultant give a timescale was for a letter to my sibling's insurer (who would pay out for certain diagnoses/timescales) and even then it was very vague and had been verbally discussed with my sibling, so they wouldn't take it as gospel. Consultants HATE timescales. And even if they do give one it's years or months, not x years or y months.

He's lying through his teeth, what an awful situation OP.

This simply is a lie. No doctor in the UK (or elsewhere I imagine) would put such a thing in writing.

Sounds like this is a manipulation tactic of some description. I would question whether the whole situation isn’t, in fact, made up.

I know there’s 5 pages of you being told it’s porkies, but I got told face to face in the first lockdown about having cancer, and it wasn’t terminal. It would never happen via email.

8 months is oddly specific. I wouldn't imagine that being said even as part of a face to face conversation.

Definitely this. Dp’s uncle is currently terminal with lung cancer and was told face to face

Does not sound right. Surely after the first email he would have called the hospital for clarification and an appointment come through re. Treatment plan, let alone a second. Is he the sort to need to "disappear" or want sympathy to divert attention. Why is he still living with parents?

In this case, I think I'd involve social services for possible elder/financial abuse. You can report anonymously. At least that way you'll feel like you've done something.

Hell no, I also highly doubt a terminal diagnosis would be given based on a chest X-ray and a CT scan!

It sounds very much like his newest criminal activity.

I'm worried it still sounds like a part of you believes him. I'm assuming this is a close family member of yours e.g. brother or father, given your obvious attachment to his parents. You've probably had decades of his deceptions and you're finding it hard to truly believe he'd sink to this.

Well turns out he's even worse than you thought. I'm so sorry.

If you are very close with his parents, I'd probably suggest to them that his story doesn't seem to make sense and they haven't got enough info, encourage them to press for more.

Absolutely it's bollocks. My DH is currently ill with secondary cancer, metastatic, and receiving palliative care. The consultants don't even like using the word "terminal", even though he will never recover. He's not yet at the "you have X months" stage but the Macmillan and district nurses spun into action very quickly. No way would they be cancelling appointments or bringing a diagnosis with them. All of DHs communications have been face to face or by letter, the doctors don't email.

If this diagnosis was true then the doctors or GP would be issuing a DS1500 form so that your relative can claim PIP or apply for an insurance payout if he has any life or critical illness insurance.

Apart from anything else NHS wouldn’t send highly confidential information in an email to a non secured address. They are very careful about this sort of thing.

Not sure about that. We have had hospital records and communications emailed.

He wants £££.

Lock up your silverware.

No, they would not. They'd identify the other consultant by name and location.

Sounds as if your relative is scamming you with a fake diagnosis/prognosis, who knows why... unless, as someone suggested, he's preparing the ground for some begging letter.

I’m almost certain he would have had a PET scan and then a biopsy. For a PET scan he would have had to take someone with him, and for a biopsy he would have been sedated or anaesthetised so again needed someone to accompany him.
He’s lying, and what’s worse is he’s emotionally abusing his parents. If you feel you can’t approach the parents, can you confront him directly? Tell him you don’t believe what he’s telling them and unless he shows them proof of the email you will have to report him.

There was an error in the notification process & this was realised when he called one of the various consultants to chase some results, when my OH had his cancer initial diagnosis. He was given an emergency GP appointment for later that day & told not to come alone - obviously we knew then that it was serious.
He had a very rare cancer that is normally found in people over 70 & he was only in his 40's he had had loads of different tests & scans & been diagnosed with 3 different things by this point as they didn't suspect Cancer.
You could ask about his MDT meeting when is it - he should know what you mean. Multi Disciplinary Team meetings are a core part of the process, where the specialists get together to discuss & decide treatment plans.
In the Northwest they are weekly on a Wednesday (I have a friend whose case was discussed last week) not sure about the rest of the country though

The entire story as told by your relative doesnt sound at all like the usual cancer pathway, irrespective of mistakes in sending letters etc. Biopsy etc is part of the pathway and no patient is given that kind of news by email. 💐 to those here going through any cancer diagnosis.

@BillStickersIsInnocent This is a really good idea.
It makes him come clean or get figured out, but you save face in trying to appear to help him and accept the diagnosis. Do it all in front of the parents and speak to them about it. So he doesn’t have time to come up with excuses as to why not.

If this is all a hoax/fake on your relatives side, are the people he lives with safe with him around. He sounds unhinged.

Yeah.. this answered your own question then.

They are Lying. These communications don’t happen via email, but also, if the person has this type of history I wouldn’t trust any email they sent either as its so easy to manipulate even if you have zero skills honestly.

Someone I knew pretended to have cancer for ages, with lots of holes in their story over time too. I don't have any advice for you, but I just want to say I understand and sympathise with your dilemma. Cancer is such a huge deal that even though there's only a 0.1% chance that they actually do have it, the prospect of wrongly accusing a real cancer patient has life-ruining implications. People being accusatory like "you know he's lying but you're just not willing to confront him/his parents" aren't being helpful. Lots of helpful suggestions above though.