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Elderly parents
Original poster

Life expectancy sent by email - relative

598 replies

BillStickersIsInnocent · 13/04/2023 11:12

Hi, I hope someone can help.

I’m really shocked by this communication but I could well be missing something. A relative received an email after a CT scan saying he had inoperable lung cancer and giving him 2 years to live. 2 weeks later another email saying his scan had been sent to another clinician who has concluded he has 8 months to live.
This feels so cruel, I would have thought these conversations happen face to face or at least over the phone where you can ask questions.
Does anyone else have any experience of this type of communication?

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Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 27/04/2023 16:21

@ReadersD1gest goodness knows. But I’m not inclined to go there, I don’t think the parents will ever believe their son could have made this all up.

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Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 27/04/2023 16:26

@WhiteBobbin I thought about suggesting they go to the police, I’m not sure how that would work out. It would probably just distress the parents tbh.

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StillWantingADog · 27/04/2023 16:34

Well come back and tell us the full story if you hear it but I’m very pleased that this is now resolved (sort of) and that the son is not in fact dying.

credit to you OP for helping the father eventually come to that conclusion.

WhiteBobbin · 27/04/2023 16:34

I guess let it sit a few days and see what they come to. Whether they want to deliberately think he was scammed as the alternative is too much, or a few suggestions about letting the hospital know someone has leaked his details of his scan dates might start them thinking. Or suggest he contacts his GP or hospital consultant as he obviously went to someone with symptoms he still needs look at………. But huge well done for helping at least get them a partial resolution that he doesn’t have terminal cancer.

NCTDN · 27/04/2023 16:35

Yes well done for sticking with it. I'd love to know how the son claims he's been scammed. If his parents believe that, surely they'd want a second opinion on his 'diagnosis '.

StillWantingADog · 27/04/2023 16:38

Awful to think that a. The son will go around telling people now that he has been scammed (by who?) and b. That some others will now believe it .

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 27/04/2023 16:42

Yes I know @StillWantingADog. It’s crap. But I think enough people know what he’s like to read between the lines.

It’s frustrating because I so want justice for what he’s done, but I need to keep the parents’ well-being the priority, and pushing this angle would just upset them I think.

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REP22 · 27/04/2023 16:52

@BillStickersIsInnocent I think you have been incredibly patient and wise throughout what must have been deeply frustrating and distressing times for you. The anguish of seeing a loved one falling for such an obvious scam/deception (and such a cruel one) and refusing to heed wise advice or all good reason is awful.

I don't know if I believe in heaven or hell. But if the latter does exist then I'm certain that it contains a particularly abominable chamber for those who lie about cancer (especially to vulnerable loved ones). Added to the bill of his sex-offending and other "charms" and the son's torment among the best of His Infernal Majesty's evil little wizards is likely to be never-ending and no more than he deserves.

I wish you well as you continue to do your best for your loved ones. They are very, very lucky to have you in their corner. Even if they can't see it. x

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 27/04/2023 16:58

That’s very kind @REP22 thank you.

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tribpot · 27/04/2023 17:02

Well I'm really glad that it's over, it's a huge weight off your mind. And obviously the parents must be so relieved that their son isn't dying. I don't think there's any point pushing for a complaint or a trip to the police, as the son will no doubt want to 'make peace' with this as rapidly as he claimed to with the original diagnosis, so that he can move on. He is, after all, the real victim here 😵

I can just imagine him trying to tell this story to other people 'so I went for a chest x-ray and then I got fake emails telling me I had cancer and that Macmillan were going to visit me and then ... er ... nothing happened'. The story is riddled with holes, like why did the hospital never get back in touch with the real results of the x-ray? Why would anyone have sent him fake emails about a diagnosis? Why did 'Macmillan' keep rearranging the appointment? It's all (mirthlessly) laughably crap.

Ultimately you've blown up the game he was playing @BillStickersIsInnocent and I am quite sure he isn't grateful to you for that. You know he was bullshitting and he knows you know. That's probably as good as it's going to get. Next time I would try to stay out of it as far as you can, maybe remind the parents about 'that terrible email scam' and suggest they try to engage with whatever-it-is by phone or in person, but otherwise leave them to it. I don't think he's skilled enough to make these lies stick even without you sabotaging them.

declutteringmymind · 27/04/2023 17:10

Well done OP.

The parents may not outwardly admit that their son has tried to con them but deep down they'll know. I guess in their own way they're trying to protect him - while he is under their roof they can keep an eye on him and keep in on the straight and narrow iI expect. And of course they get the day to day help they require.

Hopefully they'll run things by you now that you've proved yourself as trustworthy and reliable.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 27/04/2023 17:15

@tribpot ha he will absolutely not be grateful!

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SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 27/04/2023 21:03

Such a huge sigh of relief that it's over, well done on handling the whole thing with such patience and consideration.
My only concern is that, now the son knows you're wise to him, his next scam will be more careful. His poor parents 😢

MissAmbrosia · 28/04/2023 11:23

I hope they will continue to look for more suitable accommodation and throw his scammy arse out to fend for himself.

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 28/04/2023 11:44

Sticks in my craw that this lying, manipulative maniac has managed to convinced these people that he’s the victim. Fucking hell.

Hoppinggreen · 28/04/2023 11:58

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 28/04/2023 11:44

Sticks in my craw that this lying, manipulative maniac has managed to convinced these people that he’s the victim. Fucking hell.

He hasn’t really, they know he’s a lying sack of shit but they prefer to pretend to believe what he says rather than face up to who he really is

TempNCforthis · 28/04/2023 12:05

Of course none of it makes any sense because he'd said he'd been for the appointments, had the scans, phoned the MacMillan nurses...

tribpot · 28/04/2023 12:30

He's explained away his previous calls to 'Macmillan' by saying he called a number on one of the [now apparently scam] emails, but the question of why he's never had genuine test results doesn't seem to have arisen. Maybe he's told the parents the hospital said they'd only get in touch if there was anything on the test results.

I think on some level the parents do know what this was. The story is just too preposterous and he's got previous. They're in denial because they don't want to face up to the truth.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 29/04/2023 09:59

Pondering on something this morning. Would it be a really bad idea to write to the parents’ GP outlining my concerns? I would state the timeline of events as reported by the family and express my concern that they are vulnerable to exploitation given the carer dynamic. I know I would never get a response but might this trigger at least an enquiry of some sort by the GP?

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LIZS · 29/04/2023 10:04

I don't think that is necessary , there is a seed of doubt now. You may risk alienating them. If you are still concerned about their vulnerability try ss , age uk or their gp.

LIZS · 29/04/2023 10:05

Sorry misread as to parents. Gp yes but perhaps not such specific detail.

pinkyredrose · 29/04/2023 10:55

Is the son going to report this heinous scam to the police? He should do, other people need to be protected.

tribpot · 29/04/2023 10:59

I don't think the parents' GP would be able to act on the letter, especially as the official version of events is 'son was victim of weird hoax'. If you have safeguarding concerns, they need to go to social services, and I understand why you're reluctant to trigger that, especially when they have so far only been emotionally harmed by the son, not financially.

Rosejasmine · 29/04/2023 11:12

i would raise it with GP in detail when they become a bit more infirm or if they start to show signs of dementia for obvious reasons. Also obviously if anything else happens.
If you do this now in detail I don’t know if anything would hit the fan and distress them further, but it might be worth raising that you are concerned about them and to keep an eye on them.
Have you had a private word with the parents asking them to let you know if there are anymore dramas or if they are asked for money or a loan? Difficult for the last part of that.
i wonder if he was going to try and get equity release money from them for treatment or for a bucket list holiday, or if he was planning a go fund me scam. I can only think he wanted something more than attention.

Ukrainebaby23 · 29/04/2023 13:17

If you raised it with GP and they decided to investigate, a SS referral is almost inevitable and I think you said they'd rather avoid that. I think you handled this situation really well, but I worry for you what's next.

I can't recall the whole thread but perhaps you could offer to keep an eye out for any more scams the instigator 'falls for' so folks know to come to you immediately they have any concerns. Also, could you suggest they always run any financials past you just in case its a very clever scam?