I feel I should be posting on a board about toddlers not elderly parents.

[MissMarplesNiece]

I have never known such a performance from a grown woman. DM is diabetic. Her blood sugar is out of control. She helps herself to biscuits & chocolate bars etc. Every morning she claims her blood sugar is so low she needs 2 spoons of sugar in her tea, this is despite her blood glucose readings of 12, 14, 18 and even 21 this week (normal is between 6 & 7). Low is below 4.

Yesterday she had an opticians appointment. I got a frantic call from nephew (DM lives with sister) because DM was having a temper tantrum because she was refused sugar in her tea (glucose 12.5 before breakfast). She was refusing to get dressed and wailing like a banshee. She was vile to my BiL and caused my sister to be late for work - keeping a sitting judge waiting. My nephew recorded part of her tantrum because I thought I wouldn't believe him. It was truly awful, when I say wailing I'm not exaggerating.

When I challenged her she said they're all liars, she never has biscuits or chocolate. She's never asked for sugar in her tea etc.

I feel (and my sister) that I am at my wits end with her. If she was a toddler we could make her sit on the naughty step, or whatever parents do with toddlers. A grown, adult woman who has agency & capacity but choses to behave like a spoilt child? What can I do?

No I do get that dear, I just think it’s unbelievably pompous that the OP has decided to add that little titbit. I believe it’s the BIL who is a Judge.

I also I took it to mean "late for court" as in work. I'm astonished you found that interpretation.

hi MissMarplesNiece as ever, I can only say I'm sorry. It is beyond high time your mum went into a home.

I look after diabetic adults. I give them the information, tell them what will happen if they don't follow my advice then let them get on with it.
They are adults and I am not their mother.
I would walk away from the tantrums and refuse to engage.

OK dear 🙄Perhaps OP could clarify? I don't belive BIL is a judge.

What I think is pompous is expecting your children to fanny about after you when you're taking no responsibility for yourself. If she was my mum, she would be on her own.

I did understand it meant he was late for court. It makes it more unbelievable this pantomime was allowed to continue. That a judge would keep themselves late for Court for this, well it would not be accepted if you were late to appear in front of them. I have a legal background, I know what a sitting judge is.

It’s all well and good people saying let her do what she wants, but it will be family who have to call an ambulance or take her to hospital when she’s in keto acidosis, family who will have to provide care for her if she needs her legs amputating or she has a heart attack, goes blind or ends up with kidney failure.

If she doesn’t want to help herself I would distance yourself, she needs to stop living with your BIL as it’s not working out. I certainly wouldn’t be happy to provide high levels of care to someone and dealing with medical emergencies because they won’t take responsibility for their own condition.

Exactly. It is alarming that your mother has been treated like this is what is supposed to be her own home. There was no need for a spectacle to be made of this at all.

@Eyerollcentral then the woman needs to ensure she stops making a spectacle of herself!

My god, could you possibly be more patronising?

This was my thoughts too - she needs medical intervention to get her stable and start managing from there.

If you are living with an adult who is behaving like this then it’s ok to say “stop this behaviour or you’ll have to move out”. That’s what I’d be saying because there’s no way I’d put up with an adult deliberately sabotaging their own health, which directly leads to unhappiness and stress for those she is living with.

Totally agree, OP ignore all those posters saying you are bullying and all that rubbish, they've clearly never had to put up with what you're family are having to cope with right now

Possibly, if I could find an elderly person to bully about the management of their medical condition.
OP I nursed an aunt I was very close to for several years until her death. She was terrible at managing her severe medical conditions. It could be frustrating. However never once would I have thought it appropriate to create a stand off like you have described. You all need to take a massive step back and try to see your mother as a human.

"I did understand it meant he was late for court. It makes it more unbelievable this pantomime was allowed to continue. That a judge would keep themselves late for Court for this, well it would not be accepted if you were late to appear in front of them. I have a legal background, I know what a sitting judge is."

@Eyerollcentral I still don't think you're quite getting it. It's the SISTER who was late for work, presumably in a court with a judge who was kept waiting.

Nothing to do with the BIL.

I would step back Op and let your mother make her own decisions, whilst making it clear what the consequences are.

It is really hard. Had a similar situation in my family and the person concerned is now bedbound and has been for nearly 3 years. All completely preventable. Family visit on a regular basis and provide care and support where they can. But she is in reality living a miserable life. She is still refusing to make any decisions to help herself such as seeing if she would have a nicer time in a nursing home.

Ignoring the bun fight above that’s developing, the fact she’s denying she asks for these things and then is throwing tantrums rings some alarm bells for me.

Has she got signs of/been assessed for dementia? Those symptoms are classic, and if they creep in over time it can be hard to see it as odd behaviour, rather just put down to someone being old and stroppy. Please consider that OP.

Ignore Baity Barry, OP. They love a little torment on this board, easy target 🎯.

Ignore DM, leave room. Tell GP she’s not cooperating and you can’t provide support given her choices. End of.

Do as little as possible for DM - try and reduce it daily. She’ll fight you - she’ll make it hard - persevere.

If she has capacity and the house is your sisters I would serve her notice and tell her she needs to find elsewhere to live.

You only have to look at many many threads

on this board where the behaviour and demands of adult parents who have avgency and capacity are absolutely vile and demanding!

I think a key question is, has she always been like this?

As PP have suggested, there could be dementia coming into it here, or the high blood sugar could be causing mental problems by itself.

Definitely need medical intervention here though because that is very high glucose

I think you need to stop policing her sugar intake so much. At the end of the day she is an adult and is entitled to make her own choices. You and your ds can make it clear that you will not be around to pick up the pieces but I do not think you can police her food intake so much. I am guessing her reaction was out of frustration. Perhaps she needs to look into alternative living situation.

Is she a food addict, OP? Her behaviour sounds very much like that of an addict denied a fix.

Presumably your complete inability to understand what you have read is why you don't have a legal foreground 😁

The OP's sister is a barrister. She was late to court. The judge hearing the case - who is not the BIL - was kept waiting.

Except OP isn't saying anything about her BIL's job. "She was vile to my BiL and caused my sister to be late for work - keeping a sitting judge waiting." So the sister works in law. Stop digging lmao.

*OP's sister may not be a barrister, she may also be a court clerk, Cafcass officer, or someone else who works in the courts, to deflect the inevitable pedantry...!