Siblings want to put mum in a home

[Florencenightingalewasfab]

( I'll split this into two posts as it's quite long)Mum ( now in late 70's) sold her home and gave all the money to my sister for a 2 bed 'granny flat' ( to be built on the side of my sister's home. Sister took her money and built mum a ONE bedroom extension and also managed to gain a new bedroom into the bargain. So mum didn't get what she wanted and no one could come to stay in "her" flat, Sis used the 'extra' bedroom in her house - sorry - I digress. Mum dud this on the understanding that she wouldn't have to go into a ( old people's home ). Mum also gave full access to BIL and sis to her bank account

The point is @Tirednest she didn't need to go into a home 7 years ago and doesn't need to now.

We don't even know how much care the sister has provided. It might be she has provided no care and wants her to go into a home because of recent care needs.
As usual this thread is full of assumptions.

How do you know she doesn’t?

Well if sister works and mum has refused carers etc during the day. I guess you think the blue fairy will step in 🙄

From OP's second post:
Mum has been in hospital recently for short stays and sis now wants to put her in a home as she says mum at risk of falling and she can't be at home all day everyday. Mum is mentally fully functioning although speech not so great now. Drs have advised mum needs nebuliser at home and for safety, to wear an alarm round her neck. Mum has refused. Sis says she has offered to get carers to help but mum says no. Other 2 siblings now agree she should go into a home.

Certainly, mum now needs more care, but is refusing options other than DSis doing it. Other siblings agree re care home.

I have sneaking suspicion that we are not going to get any updates on this, I feel like OP has abandoned the thread,
Why do I always let myself get invested in these threads, I never learn 😤

Well, your sister got an extension as payment for looking after your mum for 7 years. My fils care home.was 1500 a week, so it would have cost you all around 550,000 for that 7 years. An extension sounds pretty good value.

You think they were providing full care without any proof at all. They might just have been popping in and making a cup of tea every few days.

She last posted over a week ago. Possibly she thought on what she read and realised that her sister couldn't be expected to carry on providing care if her mum refused help.

And frankly most families do not expect to be paid hundreds of pounds a week to look after their mum.

Either way, it's not relevant - the DSis cannot look after mum 24/7 if mum refuses carers and nebuliser. I think that's why the other siblings also agreed!

Wtf??? Seriously, give your head a wobble love, have you ever cared for an elderly relative, as other posters have said it is not a walk in the park and is fcking hard graft both physically and mentally, and especially as OP stated her DM is being being very compliant with the medical advise, what's your advice smart arse??

*Should have said not very compliant, stupid phone

If your mum won't accept carers or a lifeline alarm, then I don't know what else your sister can do? It sounds as though your mum's medical needs have progressed beyond what anyone thought they would and your mum won't accept help, so I am not sure they have any other options?

Are you local? Are you involved in her care in anyway? If your sister is the main carer and she's saying that your mum's needs are beyond what she can manage, then you need to listen to what she's saying. Caring for an elderly, sick relative (who refuses outside support) is a very hard and lonely job. Having a bit of extra value/extra bedroom added to your home does not make up for how much your whole life is taken over by caring for the person you love.

However if you really, really don't want your mum to go into residential care, maybe you should become her full time carer?

Progressed beyond what people thought they would?
Most people get to the stage of needing care. And that can happen suddenly with older people.

@wonderingwanderings re the 'local' doubt op will ever come back, don't think she is, but she's also said she's estranged from the family so no contact for a while, also wants to solve the issue by the sis selling her home, and giving the original value of the mums house from 7 years ago to her, and she'll then build a granny annexe too..

@scorcio5 where does it say that the sister has been caring for her mother for seven years? I'd suggest that maybe the sister reaches into her pocket and pays for sheltered accommodation rather than taking her money, making her house nicer and then sending her off to a state run care home.

@SheilaFentiman could she not go into sheltered accommodation where it's her own space but with added protection. A care home is something completely different. I have volunteered in many throughout my life and whilst lovely places full of amazing and wonderful staff, the mother doesn't seem to warrant needing a care home just yet.

The mother could, potentially, stay where she is, in the purpose built extra room, but she is refusing carers and a nebuliser.

as far as I understand it, sheltered accommodation would have someone coming by to check sometimes, this would be similar to where she is now, and wouldn’t solve the need for the nebuliser!

Anyway, the OP hasn’t posted for over a week, so I’m out.

Only a third require a care home

Most people need carers.

Mum.has only recently needed care. Will look into sheltered housing

Any progress on her accepting carers and the nebuliser?

You would benefit by talking to your sister and doing a referral to adult social care team for needs assessment first. As if she needs carers or can manage in a sheltered accomodation you'll want advice in case her needs are above that. You all need to be working together and all views being heard even if some are in disagreement. Our HA sheltered housing schemes won't offer a vacancy if someone's mobility or other needs are too high at that point; the might want to look at extra care schemes . It's what to ask for an assessment (which would be under the care act 2014 ) for recommendations and funding if required