Cockroach cafe 🪳 Spring 2022 🪳

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Welcome! Those of you who have been before will notice the Bad Daughters’ Room is now called the Kumquat Room, and there are a couple of fine kumquats in the Conservatory.

Check also the Stationery cupboard with, among other things, the 🪳emoticon ready to cut and paste.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

@MereDintofPandiculation I think you have it spot on. My sister and I suddenly realised we were seeking solutions rather than doing exactly what my parents asked and no more (so for example my dad asked me to pay a bill and I looked into getting it onto direct debit) we then realised they weren't asking for long term solutions and if everything went 'wrong' then providing they were still able to make those decisions it's their risk to take.

Thank you for welcoming me into the fold! You are all right, she does want an audience and someone she can complain and moan to. I get it, I know things are tough for her and most days I can deal with it. It’s just occasionally it gets too much!

Tough visit with mum yesterday - my cousin always looks on the bright side, I tend to be more gloom and doom but even she agreed that things were not looking good. We arrived and the nurse said "Hairbrush's come to see you!"

Mum looked at me and scowled "Hairbrush who? Don't know who you mean!"

So it is official, she doesn't know me anymore.

When we took her through to the dining room she seemed to come round a little although she kept saying she wants to go home and doesn't understand why she can't. I brought out a card that had been sent to her to my address.
I opened it and gave it to her to read - she couldn't read most of it but made out the words "greetings" and "love" and read the signature of the friend who sent it.
She had signed it in her own name but mum talked about her by her nickname so she knew quite clearly who it was who had sent it.

Later on as we were talking I mentioned someone that my cousin knew not expecting my mum to remember him at all. But she knew straight away who he was, described his daughter in law accurately and remembered where she worked - this is a lady who died over 20 years ago and mum probably never exchanged more than a dozen words with her!

She had been clutching her photo blanket all rolled up on her lap and said "You can take this old towel with you - I don't want it!" Her blanket has been with her everywhere since she went into hospital last summer. Today she didn't recognise it at all!

I sat by her side stroking her arm all afternoon and she looked at me like she has never seen me before. Whether she remembers or not I am glad I see her every week - I just have that horrible sense that each time might be the last and I want to make it count.

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere 🌺🌺that must have been so hard. Glad you had your cousin with you.
All calmish here (touch wood) dealing with ongoing issues with cancer meds joyous side effects, but more able to get out and about.
Dm doing ok, but now my hair is growing back it’s all a bit yesterdays trifle….
sending good wishes to all cafe inhabitants old and news.

Feeling for all of you today. Cockroach to everyone.

Spending tomorrow morning at my mum's nursing home and the afternoon at my MIL's nursing home [sigh]

MIL's residential home have changed visiting this month from a lateral flow test and a booked time slot to olden times visiting of turn up and ring the bell. It has made things so much easier for me, I can be ten minutes "late" without actually being late if you know what I mean.

Totally. Wow. Mum's nursing home stopped doing tests some months back - I feel lucky. We still book time slots and actually I quite like that. I think what it does is reduce the number of times the staff have to come down to the door (very big centre).

So it is official, she doesn't know me anymore. No, she didn’t know you then, but there’ll be other days when she does. It’s not a continuous decline. First time my Dad didn’t recognise me was about 12 years ago, when he was telling me about a kind lady who had picked him up in the street and given him a lift to Morrisons. Sort of explained why he was nowhere to be seen when I tried to find him to take him home again. But he recognises me when I turn up at the nursing home. Didn’t recognise DS and DIL once but again that resolved.

@Knotaknitter Government advice changed a few weeks ago and homes were no longer required to test.

@PermanentTemporary I feel for you! Big question, is it better to get it done in one mammothly tedious day, or in more manageable bites and mess up two days?

Good news here, DH last chemo was on Friday. So far, thanks to cold cap, his hair is intact. Staff rather surprised that hair was so important to a balding near -octogenarian but they did a good job for him.

Morning cockroaches. We are very much one step forward two steps back here. Managed to raise being taken for granted with DF regards not making appointments etc that he wants me to take him to without checking I am free first. He bought the DCs a present which is his way of apologising. When he pops in I carry on and do housework around him or sit with a cuppa and do things like online shop, update the calendar with the kids activities etc. and let him sit putting world to rights with some nodding, mmm yesses, oh reallys & we'll if you say sos. He stars chemo this week.
However FIL is declining before our eyes. I fear our attempts to get him closer to us or get some sort of care in place will be in vain. His tummy bug has floored him and GP phoned regarding an X-ray the week before when we took him to check out the increased breathlessness. He has fluid on lungs and "other masses", referred to respiratory to see if anything can be done about fluid and I can't exactly remember GP's exact cagey wording but fully expecting cancer diagnosis. I think he will crumble. In meantime he has agreed to occupational health assessment so hopefully get maybe a walker and additional aids in his flat. It's a start.
Holiday hanging by a very frayed thread. Which feels very selfish to even write when everything is turning to shit.

That’s great news @MereDintofPandiculation. Your dh is hardcore- I’m too much of a wimp to try cold cap.
good luck to everyone visiting oldies…. Up at dms later for filing sesh.. soo much paper……

Your dh is hardcore He is. He’s just been rehanging a door this morning. He says cold cap is not too bad, headache rather than feeling of cold, first time he had 5-10 mins of “I can’t cope with this” then realised he’d got used to it and wasn’t even noticing it, after that it was a doddle because he knew it was just a few minutes.

filing sesh I read that as “filing teeth”.

My nerves wont stand any more of the count down to 1000 posts, so here’s the new thread