The Cockroach cafe -new look for spring 2021

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, with a refurbishment to celebrate the coming of Spring, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

If your question is big, it's best to start a new thread, and get all the advice together in one place. But for everything else, the cafe is the right place.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Could you say to your mum , it's for a few weeks to try it out to make things better for them both, like a holiday , or perhaps respite ?

Yes, that's the avenue we will go down Sunny. Fingers crossed the plan comes together

Hairbrush The intermediate care place may do laundry, it's been so long that I can't remember. You have time to order name labels (or find a marker pen) and label clothes as you pack a case for a six week stay. It will save you a job down the line and it's something that you have control over.

Thanks @Knotaknitter I've ordered now ordered labels.

I honestly don't know if she will come home again. She is struggling so much to walk. Yesterday we were chatting while a nurse was sat on her bed writing up notes (said she was hiding because she was at the desk she would be interrupted!) and mum kept saying the doctors say she is medically fit. Why can't she come home?? And the nurse responded for me "Because it would not be safe!"

Because they are telling her that she feels she has deteriorated. The truth is she was this bad before coming into hospital and it was a huge struggle to care for her. She is completely in denial about her abilities and insists she only needs a little help every now and then.

I had my first counselling session on Monday and spent the rest of the day in tears!

Hairbrush They are not going to be taken in by her wishful thinking, they can see quite well what she is capable of. My mother also believed that she was managing very well on her own with no help at all whereas the reality was that it was me holding everything up. Don't be afraid to tell every professional you come across the real picture, they see it every day and you will not be judged because you can no longer do the impossible. She's not safe at home and that's the end of it. They are going to give her the opportunity to demonstrate whether her mobility can improve, mum had daily therapy with the physio/OT that was based at the centre.

At the moment she's safe, she's not going anywhere and you could be having a few days at the seaside. Labelling clothes gives you something to be in control of when you're in a situation where formerly everything was in your control but now isn't.

hairbrush lots of wise words from knot .
I bet counselling just opened the floodgates for you. You have held it all together for so long. And you knot
You both have enabled your ms to stay at home far longer than they could have managed without you.🌺🌺🌺

We're getting perilously close to the end of this thread, so I'd like to welcome you all to the newly refurbished for the summer Cockroach Cafe