The Cockroach cafe -new look for spring 2021

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, with a refurbishment to celebrate the coming of Spring, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

If your question is big, it's best to start a new thread, and get all the advice together in one place. But for everything else, the cafe is the right place.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Oops, that was a bit tastelessly cheerful, I'm sorry. I hadn't read the other thread when I posted that.

Minty my thoughts are with you.

Just checking in...Covid test done and dad's managed a few spoons of porridge, a yoghurt and some risotto so far which is good.

Mum's had a phone consultation with her GP and mooted the idea of ADs but the likelihood of any of them interacting with her existing meds is high and the side effects would be significant.

She's currently got the hump with me because she's just been into see dad and he's told her 'You can go away, Mintys looking after me' .

Thanks for the new thread dint
Just back from mums who had been busy tidying up before the gp consultation- by phone of course.....
minty look after yourself🌺🌺

I am planning the great escape, we're off to a garden centre tomorrow. I am hoping that a bit of pottering in the garden will fill mum's day and stop her calling me every six minutes. I have suggested she could clean the toilets and start sorting through the wardrobes if she's short of something to do but that was not well received.

Phone consultations - there's a thing. Mum had her six monthly medication review but because it was a phone consult in the time of no hearing aids I took the call. I asked them to take off the calcium tablets, I never order them on the prescription because mum won't have them. She says they are like eating chalk and I tried one myself and I completely agree. Bone health or no bone health, she won't take them - end of story. The laughing pharmacist said she had an alternative that was soluble and it magically appeared on the next precription. It has proved to be acceptable. If mum had spoken up in the previous reviews she could have been on this for years but she didn't like to mention it.

Minty we're there in spirit. This is no practical use of course and what you really need now is practical assistance. Are you still walking with your best friend?

Thinking of you @MintyCedric xx
Nan had a doctors appointment today in person about her persistent sore throat and the broken arm which is still painful - I went with her as she can't walk there on her own without her trolley. He went through each thing with her and said basically what I've been saying for the last two weeks....Broken arms hurt - especially at 95 years old. She wasn't best pleased with that answer!! Shes been quite upbeat for the last 2 days cos she bloody loves going to the doctors but I think she was expecting a miracle cure. Shes on the strongest painkillers they can give her so not much can be done except for wait for it to heal.

Just checking in to the new thread.

I'm having a mare getting my GP to renew my prescription for blood pressure meds, I seem to have got stuck in a digital purgatory between the website, email, the GP and the chemist. Hopefully it will get resolved before I burst.

@notaflyingmonkey

Just checking in to the new thread.

I'm having a mare getting my GP to renew my prescription for blood pressure meds, I seem to have got stuck in a digital purgatory between the website, email, the GP and the chemist. Hopefully it will get resolved before I burst.

There are certain meds that pharmacies can give in these situations I think? In theory, my asthma inhaler is one.

i think BP meds might be on that list...

@Nodancingshoes

Thinking of you *@MintyCedric* xx Nan had a doctors appointment today in person about her persistent sore throat and the broken arm which is still painful - I went with her as she can't walk there on her own without her trolley. He went through each thing with her and said basically what I've been saying for the last two weeks....Broken arms hurt - especially at 95 years old. She wasn't best pleased with that answer!! Shes been quite upbeat for the last 2 days cos she bloody loves going to the doctors but I think she was expecting a miracle cure. Shes on the strongest painkillers they can give her so not much can be done except for wait for it to heal.

I have had two broken bones

I was surprised how some people seemed to think I should carry on

It was extremely painful in 20s and 30s. Could your nan be one of the people who thought it didn't hurt? Bit mystified by that but realised there are people who think it.

I never interfere in couple rows...but! One xmas, a contact had broken his leg in two places, required surgery etc and his wife - my friend - was angry because he wouldn't get in the car to visit her family.

I had a go at her. I was genuinely pissed off that she could be so insensitive. I'm not a shouty person but he went through a horrible experience with that injury and to have someone telling you "just get in the car"...OMFG.

nota hope you get it sorted- I thought that chemists could do emergency presc for a few days?
cockroach all

Hello all. The new cafe is looking lovely. I have just arranged coffee with an actual friend on an actual park bench for later this week. What a thrilling life we lead these days!

Today I am grumpy about a postponed social services appointment that I really wanted to happen because we are 4.5 weeks into a 6 week care home placement and I'm none the wiser about what happens next. I'm not good at making difficult decisions in a hurry.

@AcornAutumn agreed. A broken bone is a major injury at any age let alone 95. Its not going to get better straight away and there is not alot the docs can do until it heals. I sometimes think that she thinks doctors are miracle workers.

I must admit I've never broken a bone (touch wood), and would assume that once it's set and you've had a few days of painkillers it would be fine and just a bit inconvenient . Hope she's feeling better soon.

Chicken have they not given you a new date? Or any idea what happens next if the review doesn't?

I know Covid and all that but the lack of services really mis rubbish. My mum has had no bottom teeth since last July. Was due to go for impressions last week and they cancelled two hours beforehand and offered her another appointment in a month!

All much the same here, day off today, fingers crossed but went in to do dad's breakfast. Mum has got a proper strop on because he keeps asking where I am every time she goes into him.

Minty "I must admit I've never broken a bone (touch wood), and would assume that once it's set and you've had a few days of painkillers it would be fine and just a bit inconvenient blush. Hope she's feeling better soon."

I must admit I'm shocked that people think this. It certainly explains the lack of understanding. Put it this way, the first time I was signed off work for a minimum of six weeks. Work were cross that I wouldn't go in.

The second one, I was told the pain might be lifelong.

It is a serious business. That's without factoring in damage to nerves, tendons, muscles atrophying while you recover etc.

For a 95 year old, it must be be so much harder than for a young person.

Absolutely Acorn...I definitely have a different perspective now.

I suppose its because you think of nerve endings, and therefore, pain, being in soft tissue maybe?

I wonder if the medical profession even underestimate it at times as thinking mack I don't think my dad was on strong painkillers for more than a few days even when he broke his back

Chicken mum once had a six week rehab placement after surgery. I was panicking because nothing seemed to be happening, no preparation for her returning home but that was because nothing WAS happening. It turned out to be a ten week six week placement and it still wasn't what you'd call rushed at the end of it.

I wonder if the medical profession even underestimate it at times as thinking mack I don't think my dad was on strong painkillers for more than a few days even when he broke his back Medical profession gave me nothing but paracetamol after a caesarean. And because they needed two nurses to hand out meds, I was lucky if I got more than 1 dose in 24hrs. I got DH to smuggle some in.

Afternoon all checking in to the new thread.

@AChickenCalledDaal Sorry to hear the SS meeting didn't go ahead-did they say why? Possibly the CH need more time to assess your DF? Mum had hers, she's been cleared for discharge but not until 6 April. Gives me breathing space to get everything organised. Care package is going to be tweaked slightly to giver her longer at meal times as her eating is quite poor. I am going to buy in some companion care twice a week for the days I don't go over. She has been prescribed melatonin which has made the world of difference to her sleep.

I think this is the last attempt at her being at home, if this fails it will have to be live in or CH.

@MintyCedric how's your df doing? I do hope they can get him moved to the lovely CH soon.

@OnthePiste

Sounds like you're really well organised.

Dad's had a fairly good day as it goes, Covid test has just come through negative. Hopeful to move Monday/Tuesday of next week.

Minty, glad it's on track.

Went to do care visit today. Mum was asking questions about who knows what about my mental health.

Turns out people are asking her "will your daughters take you on day trips etc when allowed".

I'm aware there are people who do this but I have enough anxiety issues without taking mum on public transport.

One reason I feel so pressured is not mum herself, but the way others see it. Just in her immediate local area, the people we know who have done full on caring are numerous.

I wish I was like that but I'm just not.

Sounds like progress minty and piste
acorn easy to say but harder to do but please try not to worry about what other people think or say. Every situation is different. And usually delivered with a healthy dose of spin. Do what is right for you. Your needs matter.

@thesandwich

Sounds like progress minty and piste acorn easy to say but harder to do but please try not to worry about what other people think or say. Every situation is different. And usually delivered with a healthy dose of spin. Do what is right for you. Your needs matter.

In fairness, I saw these situations with my own eyes. No spin.

In my block of flats, I have a neighbour who cares for his mum, who is 100. He goes to give her breakfast and dinner before and after work.

His wife goes at lunchtime. His brother is now spending n

Oops

Spending nights there as she had a fall recently.

I have spent time with them as a family and they have been blessed with so much patience. Or I'm rubbish. But you can feel the family bond. And they really believe in "she must never be cared for by a stranger".

Knot that's interesting and may explain the lack of urgency. The care home manager was away last week which I think has also delayed things. We do now have a new appointment with social services for Friday afternoon. And in the meantime today I had a good chat with the head of nursing care who have me a lot more information about dad's mental and physical condition. Sounds like his mobility is slightly better than I thought, but he's having delusions, going on walkabout whenever anyone's back is turned, fighting back when they try and get him to a safe place and generally giving them the complete runaround.

It's upsetting to hear, but fairly clear that it's unlikely anyone will be suggesting he goes home any time soon.

I'm not either Acorn. I'm not even that good at taking care of myself, frankly.