The Cockroach cafe -new look for spring 2021

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, with a refurbishment to celebrate the coming of Spring, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

If your question is big, it's best to start a new thread, and get all the advice together in one place. But for everything else, the cafe is the right place.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Minty oh good lord.

Nodancingshoes that's interesting re the audience.

And now we have sobbing and asking if we can have him back home if he gets better....

Oh poor Minty

All I can say is, she'll probably perk up when he's in the home and she's got free time.

I am dreading the next few days.

I've managed to be booze free for a week and lost about 2lb but feel like I'm on track to put it all back on in the next few days!

That said I stuck a bottle of white in the fridge last night,then couldn't be bothered so perhaps that's a good sign.

minty sending you strength..... and if wine is what helps, consider it short term measure. 🌺🌺😥

Thanks all.

Well today has been about as shite as one could expect thus far.

Dad barely responsive all day bar a few mumbles of 'go away I want to die'. Mum has been fluctuating between hysterical sobbing, wanging on about L and talking about dad coming home 'if he gets better'.

He only got to the home about 2.30 and I've already had 3 calls querying things and asking about stuff we forgot to pack, 2 whilst I was driving the school run.

Tbh Dad seemed so rough earlier I was terrified that it was a call to say he'd passed away during the transfer.

Just back at home getting some bit together then me and DD are going to stay overnight.

Such fun.

🌺🌺minty

Minty for what it's worth I was talking to my neighbour last week. (Yes, there was a law against it at the time, no I don't care) She works in the local big supermarket where #bekind has long since gone and #beanidioticshopper reigns. We both agreed that we are drinking more than we used to, one of my friends has gone the other way and is now teetotal after working out how fast she was going through the gin. This has been an exceptional time and if it takes gin and peanuts to get you through it - so what?

It's nearly six, I have no idea what we are having for tea tonight as t'other granny managed to sabotage my shopping by casually noting that she couldn't shut the freezer door. Nothing to worry about there is there? Nothing that can't wait a couple of days for her family to pop round. I've dashed round the supermarket for her shopping but I couldn't buy anything for me that wouldn't stand in the car in this lovely sun. I have sorted the freezer, she announced to someone on the phone that "we have sorted it now" and I shouted across that there was no "we" it was all "me". I am stuck in the victim/rescuer scenario, we go round and round but she is so firmly set as a victim that I can't see how I can break away.

Thinking of you Minty. Hope you and your DD are OK tonight - good to hear you will have each others' company. One day at a time.

knot sending 🌺🌺and🍷. I hear you- when your careful plans get blown out of the water leaving you with no tea- and no comment but” we’ve sorted it”
dm cannot admit its MEEE not WEEEE who have sorted it........

Hope all's well, Minty. It sounds like you've had a horrible fraught day, fingers crossed tomorrow will be better.

Hello all. Last thread somehow fell off my watch list, just catching up now.

Minty, you've had quite a time, I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Mum is obsessing about having missed her mammogram since being away from home. I say obsessing because she gets something fixed in her mind but I don't mean to sound unkind, she did have breast cancer and I'm sure it's distressing to have your routine interrupted when you're used to being monitored. I've emailed the GP about it, I tried to book via the breast clinic and she's not on the system and when I tried to book a private one they said they needed a referral letter.

In other oldies news DH has had to shoot off to the west country as DMil fell and broke her shoulder and will need surgery. DH is my only lifeline atm so in purely selfish terms this has been a big change, it's just me and mum all day every day. I was running a temperature today, wondering if it's the stress of being minus DH and plus DM without a break. While DH is gone I was using the opportunity to tear the house apart and sort all the clutter and clothing that's accumulated in the last year, so it's like being ill in the back room of a charity shop.

Mum keeps offering to 'help' usually with things that she has no way of doing (eg she will weed the garden if I can show her which plants are weeds lol) and then says she doesn't understand why I 'won't let' her help me, as though I'm a martyr. So I suggest helping by, say, letting the dogs out, which she fails to do then vanishes upstairs for two hours and I hear barking, stop what I'm doing, come downstairs to dogs crossing their legs and in a panic. Every day she says she'll give the cooker a wipe down and then doesn't, then says 'Why are you cleaning the cooker, I said I'd do that!' etc etc etc. I've tried to stop listening to it and just go about my business, it's really winding me up.

I have managed to book our flights to get mum back home though, so that's something to look forward to

How are things today @MintyCedric?
@Knotaknitter that sounds horribly familiar...
Well, another joyous morning. I picked some nice bread and cakes up on the way round this morning but apparently she cant stand that kind of bread so I might as well take it home when I go. Seriously feel like I cant do this much longer. I know that is selfish and I know she doesnt have her daughter/my mum etc...but I feel pulled in all directions right now.

Nodancingshoes "picked some nice bread and cakes up on the way round this morning but apparently she cant stand that kind of bread so I might as well take it home when I go."

Did she say it politely? That makes a big difference IMHO.

@AcornAutumn not particularly. She can't see past her own pain right now. God, I feel for her, of course I do, but it's hard work.

[quote Nodancingshoes]@AcornAutumn not particularly. She can't see past her own pain right now. God, I feel for her, of course I do, but it's hard work.[/quote]
That sounds like my mum to a T.

Shitty start to Day 2 of the Week from Hell.

Went hope after dropping DD...note from neighbours to say they've taken in a parcel for me. Pop next door to pick it up and when I get back 60 seconds later my front door has blown shut...with my keys on the staircase inside (and my car keys).

Walk round to mum's then back again with unidentified key that might be mine. It's not.

Call DD who confirms that she hasn't got her key on her and it must also be on the stairs.

Call best mate who is on her way to work and doesn't think she has my key but there is an unidentified one on her fob that could be from.when she's house sat previously.

Walk back to mum's, borrow her car, 10 mile round trip to where BM is working and thank God it was my key.

Now 1.5 hours behind with the mountain of chores I need to catch up with, need to get to post office and to the nursing home, spend some time with mum then drive halfway across town for an ECG before picking DD up from school and stopping at Tesco on the way back home.

On the upside she is cooking tonight and I have wine in the fridge...I think I've done bloody well to last this long.

Dad is OK apparently but sleeping a lot.

Oh Minty, I feel for you.

Do you have to do the chores? I'm at mum's shortly and was meant to do chores but...meh.

Do you have to go to the Post Office?

Re Tesco, can anyone do an order to be delivered for you?

Chores...yeah they're essentials. Not too longwinded tbf just a pita.

Post Office I've been putting off for a week and it's the last day I can send the item that already been paid for online

Tesco...I'm going to park up and DD is just going to run in and get the bits she needs for tonight (and pudding!)

None of it's major it's just a mountain of little things to do when I'd rather be having 40 winks on my sunny sofa with my cat.

...all the more annoying as if I'd not got locked out they'd all be done by now and I could just chill out after school.

I've been in my house 3 years and the bloody door has never shut on its own...what a day to pick.

We also have new neighbours...with a dog...that goes batshit whenever they go.out and leave it.

Well today has been about as shite as one could expect thus far. Remember, you've done the difficult bit. And ..Well done!

And now we have sobbing and asking if we can have him back home if he gets better.... You're pretty safe with a reassuring "yes, of course!"

Your key story is of course why so many people have a spare key secreted in the garden somewhere. It's almost worth getting a keysafe for yourself.

I've seen my Dad!!!!!
Only for 15 mins. He talked at me solidly, an involved story involving IKEA and strange phone numbers, but I can honestly say he doesn't seem to have deteriorated in the last 12.5 months. And physically he looks great. He gives the impression of having taken all the Covid changes in his stride. I'm proud of him.

minty enjoy your evening. You’ve earnt it. Your dd is a star.
dint that is such positive news about your dad. You must be so relieved. He’s obviously being well cared for.

Dint that is such good news (the lack of deterioration not the IKEA tale). I would like to say that mum has not gone downhill in the last 12 months but that would be a big fat lie.

Minty I can recommend "we'll talk about it when we've got a bit more time" as a non-answer for things you want to avoid. If your daughter was difficult as a toddler then you might find that the avoidance skill comes back to you very quickly. If you know you're going to have a tantrum at the word "no" you find any number of ways to be non-commital but not negative.

I once had my self locking car rebel on me, locking itself with my handbag, door keys, house keys and phone in it. I was half an hour from home at 4pm on a Sunday and then it started to rain. The umbrella was in the car of course.

@MereDintofPandiculation that is such fabulous news about your Dad...really heartwarming,I'm so pleased for you both.

I dropped a few things we forgot to pack up to the home this afternoon. Dad's bedroom is right at the front so I knocked and peeked in but he was sparko. Still...clean, comfortable and not distressed or in pain is a win afaic. And the timing of everything means we'll be able to visit him on his birthday on the 16th.

Mum is not on bad form all things considered either, touch wood.

That's great advice @Knotaknitter...although I have to say that DD has always been a star (thanks @thesandwich 😊)...once she got past the first colicky four months or so anyway, when I could have cheerfully sent her back for a refund.

Nando's creamy chicken pasta tonight apparently!

Thinking of you minty

Mum was blue lighted in yesterday morning due to a copd flare up.

Sods law I was 25 mins away helping my sister run an errand...I'm usually 2 mins away.

She's home now I picked her up at 4pm.

She looked so frail yesterday...I guess she'll just have more and more episodes as time goes on. This is the 2nd in 3 months.

I'm tired. I feel torn between my caring duties for the kids/dh and mum.

My life isn't quite turning out as I'd hoped at nearly 50 :(

Its bee0808 sorry!
New nn