The Cockroach Cafe Mark 3

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

If your question is big, it's best to start a new thread, and get all the advice together in one place. But for everything else, the cafe is the right place.

For newbies: why cockroach? Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Mum phoned earlier - pre 8am calls are unusual unless she's ill...
She isn't seeing sister now as sister is "ill".
Anyway, she is now saying it was her idea to "look after" the money for sis. I can sort of believe this. Mum has no clue about benefits and rules but sis does
Anyway, I made my views clear, told her if they go ahead with it I will no longer be involved in her banking or affairs and that its a big risk.
I think I got through as I made a suggestion how sis could (legally) keep some of money from affecting her benefits bit that she should declare the rest.
Mum agrees this is sensible.
We shall see!
🙄

"Dint" I was interested to see that they do rechargeable ones now, you pop them back in the case and they charge overnight. That wouldn't work here because she just wouldn't and they would never be charged. For me (I am noticing that people do mumble these days), I'd like the Bluetooth facility too.

Our home will be closed until at least 29th March because some of the residents are shielding. There have been no screen visits, only window visits, with the window closed,
That's so hard Dint, it must feel like the goalposts keep moving and Minty is quite right, the news bears no relation to the reality.

Mum's home has just come out of 'outbreak' for the first time since October I think, ie no resident or member of staff has tested positive within the last 28 days. So I'm very happy that tomorrow I get to have the first 'screen' visit with Mum. The thing that is most troubling for us at the moment is that if Mum leaves the home for a hospital appointment, which are coming through in a bit of a spate now, she then has to be isolated in her small room for 10 days afterwards, which is damaging her mental health horrifically and is making her not want to go to the appointments - although it's a lose-lose because she is in a lot of pain and badly needs the appointments (which are currently mostly scans and tests which can't be done over the phone). Lockdown has been terrible, but as I think someone alluded to earlier, at least it has taken some of the anxiety away (for me I mean) because I haven't been constantly thinking I should be doing something to make things better for Mum.

Knot Have you had your hearing tested? People beginning to mumble is a sign of losing the high frequencies which affects your hearing of intrinsically high sounds like "s" and "t".

You probably know all this but in case others don't. There's on-line tests which are a start, Specsavers will do a five minute screening free - if that indicates a problem you then have to get a referral from your doctor for the full test.

The NHS aids are surprisingly high-tech nowadays - they come with a phone app. The button on the earpiece screens out background noise, or it can be used for volume instead, whichever is more useful, and then the other function is done on the app.

I hated the idea of a hearing aid. That above all made me feel about 80, more than reading glasses, crinkly skin that can be pushed into folds and doesn't bounce back, the migration of my pubes to my chin and all the other horrors.

But it's important to take notice - loss of hearing has been shown to link to dementia, and my audiologist said the mechanism was because loss of hearing reduces your social interaction. I can already feel a temptation in large gatherings to sit in a corner and let it all drift over me, old lady style.

Maddy I don't think my father has had to remain in his room - he's had two X-rays during Covid. But then he's not one for socialising anyway - he prefers his meals in his room, and he comes out for his daily perambulation late in the day when the lounges are empty.

I typed a reply to everyone and MN crashed, or my machine,
I don't know.

Cba typing again but thanks Mere for telling us that re spam calls and hi all.

I know my high frequencies are on the way out, my son is early 20s and can hear the sun rise. I haven't had my hearing tested but I will do soon, I'm ok in groups (or I was when we were allowed to have those) but I can't hear someone in the other room when I'm stood next to the boiler, microwave or kettle. As yet it's not enough of a hinderance for me to do something about but it's worth keeping an eye on. I've worn glasses all my life because I like to see, I have no issues with something that improves my hearing.

Dad seems in a really bad way again.

Just fed him half a bowl of porridge and he was choking on every mouthful. His chest is clearly congested and he can't seem to organise his mouth to sip from a cup. He almost looked like he'd had a slight stroke when I got here

Currently on hold for GP...number 8 in the queue, no doubt to be told someone will call us back, then the practice nurse will come put later when he's sleeping peacefully, shrug her shoulders and bugger off again.

I need to get speak to the GP myself...I've been ignoring various intermittent symptoms for months but gave into the temptation to Google yesterday and have every symptom of early stage heart failure...2 parents with heart conditions, 45 years old and 8st overweight.

I'm terrified, not so much that there's a problem as that it will be ignored/brushed under the carpet as seems to be the case with everything atm.

Oh, and I have PMT...

You need to ask Minty, if they brush you off then they do. I stopped going to the doctors because of my weight, I only went with things that my weight could not possibly be dragged into (infected toenail). When I did need to go in they dealt with the problem and said nothing at all about my weight.

I hope you get someone to take an interest, in you and your dad.

Minty

I've got two friends with heart failure in 30s and 40s. You're not just thinking those 2 factors are early stage? I know when you are in a heightened state, you can think all sorts of things.

My normally too low BP hit 190 when my father was ill. It's fine now.
Xx

Acorn

I put nearly everything down to anxiety/stress and I hate going to the GP as my mum has always been a raging hypochondriac and I am desperate not to be tarred with the same brush.

Aside from MH issues, I probably go with a physical issue about once every 2 years if that.

I've been doing my weekly walks since the beginning of the year and noticed that I seem to finding them harder rather than easier. The one I did on Sunday was admittedly hard-core uphill, but the last few I've done I've had to stop and catch my breath about every 50 yards unless I'm going slow on a completely level surface.

I've had some twinges of chest pain the last few days and yesterday had a dizzy spell and thought my face was looking puffy which is what made me Google.

The list of symptoms included a night cough, bloating, fatigue, palpitations all of which I've had over the last year and put down to anxiety or asthma.

I think I also saw something about swallowing issues and undercative thyroid (my thyroid function is virtually non existent).

So I'd like to get checked out just for my own peace of mind. Hopefully it is just circumstantial, or any one of the other possibilities.

Minty I see.
I apologise, I probably jumped the gun due to some very bad experiences ....also I thought I was going to die when dad was in hospital, not kidding, I felt like a walking heart attack.

I work out a lot and I'm still shit at uphill walking! Also have asthma though.

I hope you both get seen asap.

Minty Well done for the weekly walks! I wish I could say I've done that. I've just got an Honor Band (a cheap alternative to a fitbit) and am quite chuffed that I've apparently walked 765 steps already today and it's barely past breakfast time (11.45). Looks like I'll be well over 1000 today . (Yes I do know the target is meant to be 10,000)

DS tells me his fitbit credits him with steps when he's drumming. I've been pretend drumming today, but Honor is not having it.

Minty Friend of mine has just had a stent fitted, and said the day after he was a new man. He'd gone quite rapidly to having trouble walking up the stairs. So do pester to get checked up and rule that out.

Minty I am similarly overweight and recognise all the things you mention about breathlessness, fatigue, night cough etc. No heart disease in my family, but plenty of anxiety and a touch of asthma. Do get it checked out, but try not to panic. And keep up the daily walk which is good for many things, including (sometimes) the feeling of relief when it's done .

I also popped in to express a bit of positivity - just had a video call with Dad in his care home. I've expressed frustration before about communication difficulties and how stressful the whole thing was. But today, he is chatting, laughing and even occasionally making sense! It was so nice to have something that resembled a normal conversation, which I could understand, and where I was certain he knew it was me on the other end. I am becoming a fan of what a residential care setting has to offer, because he's clearly on an upwards curve and whatever they are doing is working.

Chicken I am so pleased for you that you had that with your dad today. When they're struggling those moments are just so bloody precious aren't they?

On that basis we've told the respite home that we're not going ahead for now, but will review the situation in a 4-6 weeks (assuming dad is still with us), when restrictions hopefully loosen further.

Dint on an average day I don't even get to 1000 steps. My phone app sets me a target of 6000, and I usually exceed that when I go walking, which has been 3x a week for last couple as I've met up with a couple of other friends for mid week walks and DD has wanted to go out too.

This is the view from the top of my walk on Sunday, just short of a 400ft ascent over about a mile and a quarter (and only 3 slips on the way down)!

Acorn no worries...I brush everything off as anxiety usually. Like you I've always tended to low BP, but my baseline has been higher over the last 5 years what with divorce, two moves, change of job and the parentals. I'm pretty sure I'm perimenopausal too and know my anxiety/panic attacks ramp up in the PMT phase so it could be anything, but some peace of mind would be fab.

Had the companion carers agency on the phone just now about the assessment they did for mum the other week, singing her praises about how marvellous and independent she is. It was actually really good to hear someone saying nice things about her. I seem to have discovered a bit more patience this week 😊.

Views... that's the sea in the one with the mugs, from about 6 miles inland!

Best mate and I are going up again when we get a nice warm day with all the cheese and wine (subject to this afternoon's GP appt I guess )

Minty
Whilst I'm not saying your dad is actually end of life ( I've been on here a while and know he was under end of life care )
When my mum really was end of life ( as in her last meal ) she really enjoyed ice cream and crushed pineapple.

Lovely views Minty. We have plenty of hills but they are covered in trees so you rarely get that expansive, open feeling. And I haven't seen the sea for such a long time!

Well, GP was great...listened to chest,did oxygen sats/heart rate and BP.

Said nothing jumped out from that as a cause for concerned but happy to do all the tests to rule anything out and give me peace of mind. Blood test at hospital tomorrow, ECG at the surgery next Friday and will get letter re chest x-ray in due course.

Just knowing they are investigating thoroughly is a load off.

So glad you had a good conversation with your daddaal and great to hear about the walks and useful gp visitminty
Took dm out to lovely farm shop I’ve not taken her to in nearly a year- it usually so busy but quietish today. She was desperate to go shopping.
I felt safer 2 weeks post jab.

I'm glad that there was some action Minty, it sounds like a productive day.

@Knotaknitter

I'm glad that there was some action Minty, it sounds like a productive day.

Not a euphemism 😂

Hey, you made me laugh. Not had many of them today (all down to me, not enough sleep because of the high winds last night)

@Knotaknitter

Hey, you made me laugh. Not had many of them today (all down to me, not enough sleep because of the high winds last night)

Good, I was hoping I'd raise a smile.

Last night was fierce, hopefully tonight will be better.

@Knotaknitter

I'm glad that there was some action Minty, it sounds like a productive day.

I wish 😉😁