The Cockroach Cafe Mark 3

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

If your question is big, it's best to start a new thread, and get all the advice together in one place. But for everything else, the cafe is the right place.

For newbies: why cockroach? Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Checking in!

Checking in too! Thanks for the new thread.

DM’s Blue Badge and Attendance Allowance have been approved so I’m really pleased about that.
LPA forms are printed off and with my brother to sign before DM’s final signature and I’ll get them posted by the end of the week.
I feel as if I’m getting somewhere but I know it’s a long road.

Morning.
Thank you for the new thread.
I'm taking mum out today so I'll try and broach the subject again...wish me luck!

🍀🍀🍀for today yoikes

Thank you for the new thread. Next on my list is Health and Welfare LPA for mum and me. I couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it when I sorted the finance one. I have a long standing internet friend in the US who has been in a medically induced coma and her family are taking comfort in that they know that they are following her wishes. It must be so hard for them, losing their mother like this but they know exactly what she wants them to do because she is telling them now on the document she wrote back then.

It makes me think that it's worth the effort now for my son to know in some future time that he has my full support.

Gosh, that's grim.

I think it took us about 6 months to get the Office of Public Guardians to accept our LPA last year.

We concluded that everybody had either been seconded to sort a passport fiasco or work on Brexit.

Double check everybody uses their full name and all date your signatures on the same date (even if it isn't).

Well worth the hassle though.

Thanks for the new thread Dint.

I have great news! Golden Tits has invited Mum for Christmas! Glad tidings and joy indeed. Now if I could just get her to move to GT's village......

I went for lunch with Mum yesterday and it was quite pleasant. She started wanking on about money and I said you have plenty, a good income and lots of savings, you're so much better off than me.

She said, why do I worry so much then? I said recreational and trying to think up things for me to do. She laughed!

She is actually old now, shame she's been playing the old card for 30 years.

I'm really quite looking forward to shrugging my shoulders and not helping GT with Mum

Mum worries about money because they were seriously poor when her dad died. She knew her mother went without food so the children could eat and sewed by firelight to save on the candles (no electric in the house). I keep telling her that's she's not eight any more but she feels the way she feels and that's the end of it.

Oh Lord, Christmas. I hadn't even begun to think of that. I'm doomed, I can see it coming. If I have to have both grannies at the same time someone will end up under the patio. The last time they were together was at a funeral and I had organised a couple of wranglers to keep them apart.

Lol knot don't worry, one day you'll be dead. Think of the peace and quiet!

Christmas???
arghhhh
Well.
Spoke about flat and she is willing to view it. I'm not hopeful.

Yoikes Can you bring a third person - like one of her friends to the visit? Or have them make a separate appointment ? Rental agent only let one student instead of 4 into DC student house for viewing so be aware they might be Covid strict.

Oh bugger! I didn't think of that!
I'm in her bubble though?
My siblings aren't really interested but I've asked them both to be positive asked about the flat.

Good luck yoikes.

Do a bit of research beforehand.

If your Mum would be able get to a shop/supermarket from there try to find the need to buy something on the day you visit. If you can walk past a hairdresser/go to a coffee shop that would be even better!

See whether Age UK and/or U3A have groups nearby (I know they won't at the moment...).

We didn't have to do it in the end, but we promised to document/photo all DM's furniture/ornaments and put them into storage (so they weren't gone if she wanted to swap things around).

Thank you.
It's more central to the village than she us now which is great.
I'm wondering if it's the communal lounge/garden thing that's putting her off?
Have any of your oldies been in a similar setting?

Im joining up. We sadly lost my wonderful MIL in May, and have been left to try to deal with not so wonderful, cantacerous, bullying and now with dementia FIL. He had a massive pulmonary embolism on my birthday so that was spent in the hospital being told that he wouldnt last the weekend, but the old bugger did. After a couple of weeks of rehab in a dementia unit, he is back and as tricky as ever. Earlier this week he shouted at me and told me how useless I was because I wouldnt go into our holiday cottage and remove a bit of furniture he needed (there are guests in there using it, and it was agreed 2 years ago for it to go in there) and that he was going over there to throw them off his farm. Luckily he cant walk very far. had to get my partner in to intervene with his dad. Just another normal day really. He has always been like this so its always hard to know what is him and what is the dementia.

we dont even want to THINK about Christmas. The thought of spending the day with him is giving my partner palpitations, literally, already.
It sounds awful I know.

Nettle does your partner have siblings?

I'll offer for mum to have dinner here but she always wants to eat then leave immediately.
Despite moaning how lonely and bored she is st home...🙄
Sigh

Nettle Nothing awful about having palpitations at the thought of spending time with him. I had a similar issue with a late male family member, and I used to dread spending time with him, to the point where as soon as one visit was over I would start dreading the next (and they were weeks apart). Do take care of yourselves, everyone deserves to be happy.

My husband used to start being snappy and irritable around the start of October on the years where we were supposed to be spreading the Christmas spirit with his family. Once he had managed to come out and say that they were a load of pleasure sucking moaners (which they were but I'd spenty twenty years not saying it) we got on much better. We found an alternative engagement that clashed with the Boxing Day royal summons and spent that time with people we liked.

I'm happy to have one granny over the festive period but the other has wider family and is a moaner. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised and someone will step up.

@ThighthighOfthigh only a sister who is the golden child but lives the other side of the country, hasnt been down for 13 years, and is as tricksy as he is

Had quite an interesting chat with mum this morning...
She's definitely going to view the flat. She's also now considering if she wants to spend £££££ on private rental!
Of course it may be different tomorrow!
I actually feel physically ill today (not covid related!) Just nauseous and knackered.
Peri menopause sucks 😕

yoikes it's a very interesting pasttime that oldies have, requesting lots of research and acting on none of it.

If I have to have both grannies at the same time someone will end up under the patio. Covid is your friend here, if we still have restrictions on numbers of households meeting. I've already told DH he has to do three Christmas dinners - one when we invite DS1, one for DS2 and fiancée, one for DF.