The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

It's worth putting high on the list. Firstly, it's too late once she's lost capacity. Secondly, it makes life a lot easier. Health and Welfare PoA can only take effect once she's lost capacity, but Finance PoA can be set up, if she wishes, to take effect even while she has capacity, and that means you can divide financial stuff up between you, you can take charge of the big boring bits like paying electricity bills and managing savings, she can manage day to day finances.

DM has a blister pack for her meds. She has a carer visit once a day in the evening and the carer oversees her taking her meds, and puts the next morning's meds into an egg cup for her to take the next morning. The agency contacted me to say DM hasn't taken her morning meds for three days now, so the system looks like it is no longer working.

The agency have recommended an electronic pill dispenser with an alarm to alert the user they need to take meds. They look like they cost £100 - I was wondering if anyone has any experience of using them?

Hmmm. DM also has arthritis in her hands, so anything fiddly (which a quick look on Amazon gives me) is out.

I would have thought you could use something like Alexa or Siri to issue a timed voice reminder to take meds. Initial set-up may be more expensive, but it would be multifunctional - you could add other functions as they became necessary.

DM doesn't even have broadband, so it would mean quite a commitment. A colleague did that for his DM with dementia though, so maybe I'll check with him how that worked out for them.

Who is going to fill the dispenser? It doesn't matter how good it is if it fails at the first hurdle.

Ignore me, I am really ratty today, and I shouldn't be let lose in public.

We are also having a medication failure, the other end of the day but the same scenario in that there is no-one there to supervise. I hope you have more success than I've done - a beeping thing wouldn't work for my mum because she just wouldn't hear it. I have considered the cheaper option of a vibrating wristband alarm, it's just on a timer. The advantage is that she doesn't need to be sitting next to it to hear it, it will work just as well if she's in the garden.

Sorry you are having a ratty day🌺.
Is it time to consider a morning carer to supervise meds? Low tech solution.....

My dad had Alzheimer’s and took against his medication. Mum would find pills pressed into the butter!

We had an electric pill dispenser which was provided free. The chemist would fill it each week. It didn’t work because my mum couldn’t turn it upside down to dispense the pills and my dad forgot you needed to turn it upside down to stop the beeping and just bashed it repeatedly until it stopped working!

Sorry you are struggling today Knot.

The reality is she almost certainly won't hear a beeper, or be able to handle anything fiddly. I think I will keep an eye and if this becomes a habit either swap the carer visits to the morning, or double them up.

One of my tasks which I put off as it was too much to deal with at the time was to move to a new carer agency where the carer does bits of shopping and cleaning as well as supervise meds. I might need to revisit that.

The good news is the gardener that I found (young woman with tats and piercings) is bloody brilliant. She transformed the front garden and it was such a weight off to be able to offload a job to someone who did it better than me!

Brilliant news about the gardener!!

Great news about the gardener, that's one less thing to think about.

DM doesn't even have broadband, so it would mean quite a commitment. A cheap smart phone would allow you to set alarms. Cheap PAYG from giffgaff - you'd need to make a call once every 6 months to keep the SIM alive. But it wouldn't be a voice alarm saying "take your meds".

This "talking alarm clock" is £70, which is a bit better than £100
www.techsilver.co.uk/product/talking-reminder-clock/

Or £14 for 8 reminders a day. Magnetic, so can be stuck on the fridge
www.healthandcare.co.uk/pill-alarms-and-pill-timers/tabtimer-pill-reminder.html

This is quite a useful article, if you havrne't already seen it
www.healthandcare.co.uk/blog/best-medication-reminders-and-pill-dispensers-2020.html

Thanks for doing the research for me Dint, that's really helpful.

I am listening to the sound of my finance LPA churning out of the printer. Next off is mums and then tomorrow Ms Certificate Provider is popping round for a spot of signing and witnessing. It was nowhere near as much work as I was expecting it to be. I know you are all well organised and there's only me that's been putting it off but if there is someone who has been thinking about it but not actually done it because it's too hard/too much work then I can tell you it isn't.

I've told my son that this is in preparation for my gap year.

Hello all,

Just wanted to thank the posters on here who recommended I apply for Attendance allowance for mum.
I did and she got the 1st payment today :)
Maximum amount too.

House is being sold and we are looking for somewhere more suitable for her. She has mentally already moved out I think!

Just FYI I got mum a sunflower lanyard that says she is exempt from wearing a mask due to COVID-19 (she has copd) which has worked really well.

She only really goes to the local shops and I take her but she feels better having it.

Hope everyone is OK?
I'm exhausted!

Great news yoikes
knot good progress! Where are you going for your gap year? Can I join you?
nota how’s things?
Here touch wood calmish..... dm finally got more visitors ( ie chiropodist, hairdresser, new cleaner etc, and hopefully a gardener who DIGS rather than chops weeds off......)
dint how’s your df?

That's good Yoikes.

Things here are ok, I'm committed to finding a different agency for DM who will also do things like hoover, buy bits of shopping etc, to take some of the burden off me. But while I was commuting, the timing of meeting new agencies etc was too much to consider. As I'm WFH for at least the next month, it means I can plan these things.

Things in my immediate family are still not good, and we are thinking of a quite major move to the coast which would mean I am no longer the daughter round the corner, but if I can get the right agency in place, I should be able to juggle my time better. (Here's hoping).

Hi nota sorry to hear things are still tough. A move sounds a v good plan.
Would it be worth looking at a housekeeper type person for a few hours a week? Often individuals known locally who clean/ go above and beyond? Our local postmistress is an expert.

dint how’s your df? Still can't see him, but on the phone he sounds cheerful, though he hasn't rung me for a week. (I can't ring him, he hasn't worked out how to answer the phone, so I write him weekly letters instead). They're still trying to work out what is causing his anemia, but he's recovered from Covid and is apparently "doing his exercise" again - a daily walk from his room half the length of the building through lounges and back - he treats it with great seriousness and even puts a coat on for it.

Good luck nota

Glad things are looking up yoikes and sandwich - well done!

Did you all do your own Power of Attorney and who did you get to be the Certificate Provider. Just wondering whether to attempt it myself or go to a solicitor.

Have filled in forms for attendance allowance, a blue badge and a pendant alarm service.

Also I think she needs a rollator or a tri Walker - anyone got any tips? She currently uses a stick but her balance is terrible and she’s much better with a supermarket trolly.

@BestIsWest

Did you all do your own Power of Attorney and who did you get to be the Certificate Provider. Just wondering whether to attempt it myself or go to a solicitor.

Have filled in forms for attendance allowance, a blue badge and a pendant alarm service.

Also I think she needs a rollator or a tri Walker - anyone got any tips? She currently uses a stick but her balance is terrible and she’s much better with a supermarket trolly.

I did POA's for health and finance for both of my parents without going to a solicitor. A trusted family friend acted as the Certificate Provider. One everything was completed, I copied the paperwork and got parents to sign each page to confirm they were a true copy of the original. There is set wording required on the bottom of each copy, but I got a stamp with the wording on from Amazon to make life easier.

I asked at the GPs today about Certificate Providers and got a flat ‘no, you need a solicitor’. Helpful not.

I have thought of someone but will need to discuss it with mum.

best could you get the to refer to ot or falls team? They can assess and often provide equipment free. Also can adjust heights etc.
Otherwise do you have an ableworld or similar disability store?
Red Cross also often provide equipment / rental