The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

Yes, Autumn, I think some of us with loved ones in care homes will be asked to lend a hand if there are staffing shortages in the months to come.

Rinse oh I see. Would things like DBS checks be suspended in emergency, do you know?

I’ve no idea but I think if you are volunteering to help with meals and entertainment at a time of great need I think that could be waived.

What do people think will happen to elderly living alone if they get sick? I can't keep my mum from going out (dementia) and can't move in to look after her - at the moment she has a carer visit a day but last time she had flu she was admitted to hospital pretty swiftly and spent a week in isolation, which had a really damaging effect mentally. Would paid ft carers be an option?

I doubt anyone can say for certain what will happen. I guess families should just be mindful of ALL the options and think ahead about the different scenarios and have casual conversations with their wider families and neighbours now. Getting paid FT carers may be an option if there are any available but it's not like you can pencil in dates and properly plan.

My lovely uncle died today from cancer. I'm now the next of kin for my mum and my aunt. Thankfully mum is settled in her career home and they are looking after her. Another funeral :(

In other news Brothers Grimm have been silent since their dad died. The properties are nearly sold so I expect shit to hit fans when the proceeds are divided 50/50. But that's a bridge I'll face when it comes.

nora

So sorry nora 🌺🌺

nora sorry for your loss

nora so sorry about your uncle .

We have gone back to our NHS trust to complain about the points they didnt answer, and reserved the right to contact the ombudsman.

How’s everyone doing?

Mum and I have decided to carry on as per usual in the face of the virus.

Yes, I have asthma and she’s old but if there’s an enforced quarantine later, we’ll be sorry we didn’t go for our weekend brunch when we could.

As dad said after his second heart attack “I could have eaten much more ice cream”. 😂

We are both obsessed with hand washing in any case so that part isn’t new for us. I’d be like Niles on Frasier if I wasn’t too embarrassed.

It is a bizarre relief that because my Mum died last year I don't have to worry about giving her anything!

So sorry for those suffering recent loss

I understand exactly what you mean, fleeflee, I've just returned from my first foreign holiday since my DM died and I no longer need to worry about whether I should visit, how the carers are coping, etc. It is very liberating and poignant at the same time.

flee and fleas (that's very odd to type!)

Yes, the fact that DM is no longer here in the current CV situation is an absolutely massive, huge, enormous relief to me too. And even both the DDs have commented on it. And, in fact, I dont have to worry that she would be in hospital/care home, both of which I would expect to be absolutely rampant in terms of infection pretty soon...

Hello all. I can really understand the relief those of you who have lost your elderlies feel about the virus. Dm quite sanguine but I am trying hard not to catastrophise and dread her carers/ her getting Ill. Or of course me...
Glad you are not giving up yolo
cockroach all

So far Dad doesn't seem to have picked up on coronovirus - he's a mega-hypochondriac, I'm not looking forward to when he finds out.

Like Dint my DM doesn't seem to have picked up on CV, she doesn't watch the news and doesn't read newspapers.

I'm still struggling with the issue of incontinence. The main struggle being she refuses to admit that she has a problem, despite evidence to the contrary. My SIL works in a care home and she advised against pads as apparently they make the oldies sore, so I have bought her a box of disposable pants, but need to find a way of encouraging her to wear them.

How effective would washable period pants be for urine incontinence I wonder?

Got a call from PALS today wondering if I still wanted the recording of the meeting on Dec 6, as it's been in their office quite some time, and otherwise they will destroy it.

Well, I said, yes I do, but no one told me it was there despite a phone convo some 4 weeks ago saying yes I did want it and with a promise to confirm when it was available for me to collect.

So I will go and get it on Monday. Fuckers.

I'm not sure I actually want to listen to it, and it will certainly drive DB back up to thermonuclear level when I send him a copy, but I do feel it is important to keep the pressure on.

No reply to my latest letter yet. Fuckers.

nota I'm so sorry, that's distressing for you both. I would have said tenaladies disposable pants? Jesus, I dont want to get old and incontinent.

Nota my sympathies, I had the same problem with my late DM. I recommend Tena Discreet, they look like ladies knickers but do the job. My DM really took to them. Shop around for them, they are often on offer.

Be prepared though, there will still be accidents. If you can encourage her to go at regular intervals that should help.

We had an invisible lady who was responsible for my DM’s occasional mishaps

autumn and nota how are you doing? sending all strength etc xx

Thanks for the tip Yolo and Fleas, I'll see if I can pop to Asda and get some Tena pants before they get rationed!

I'm ok, starting to dread Mother's Day already as it will be stressful.

nota Trouble with pants is that if your Mum wears trousers, you have to do the whole remove shoes/remove trousers every time she needs changing.

I don't think pads by themselves cause soreness, it's the combination of wetness and a pad (wetness will cause soreness, but faster if it's a pad which has the capability of moving against the skin and therefore rubbing). Something else that might be worth trying is a pad in conjunction with snug-fitting waterproof pants - there are some very nice ones around now which have a nice soft cotton feel and none of that crinkly/cracklyness one associates with plastic pants.

Thanks Dint strange the things that we are becoming experts on!

I think I might be in with a better chance of selling her on pads in the first instance.

Sorry in advance if TMI, but if she is likely to do a full wee you will probably need to remove trousers and pants anyway to get at the pad. They are OK for small accidents but awkward when sodden.

The Tena pants at least hold everything together.