The Cockroach Cafe Mark 2 (general coping with oldies)

[yolofish]

Morning all! regulars or newbies, coping with your oldies is a frustrating, exhausting and difficult business however much we love them. The Cockroach Cafe is open to all, a place to vent, rant, ask questions, get advice, and hopefully laugh too.

For newbies: why cockroach? My DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. My ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

MP! Never occurred to me. Typical politician but with an amazing memory for names and details and someone we were involved with when he was younger. Always chats when we bump into him and still calls my mum "Auntie". I might give him a try if I get nowhere by lunch time tomorrow.

I feel awful but I have my weekend with my daughter to look forward to.

So sorry hairbrush and quirrel for all the stuff you are having to deal with.
hairbrush there should be emergency social workers- check la website? Would a commode help? Keep fighting. 🌺🌺🍷🍷 could respite care be an option? You sound at breaking point.
yolo keep fighting for your dm. Good luck.
cockroach all.

Spent the night awake waiting for the phone. Fortunately it didn't ring but I still didn't sleep due to pain.
I know mum's house will have to be sold but until that happens she hasn't enough money to pay for more than a few weeks.

Quirrels (fancy meeting you here!) - as I understand it, if you don’t have enough cash to be over the cash threshold of £23k but have a house, the council may be able to put in place a deferred payment arrangement pending the sale of the house. Do you have a helpful social worker you can discuss this with? Or have a look on the council website - search for “paying for adult social care”. Sorry it’s just one damn thing after another for you

Question(because I'm too tired to spend hours googling). If she were to go into a care home self funded could she still apply for LA funding? She has very little savings but her income is reasonably good and her house is worth about £100k.

House will fund 2 years of care, after which LA will take over provided they feel she needs care home, which by that time she will.

While you're self funding you can claim attendance allowance (which isn't means tested) which, if you get it, will help a little. But if LA is contributing to cost of care home, you can't get AA.

If funding depends on sale of house, usually LA will defer, so you have time to sell.

Unfortunately I have not had a call from the Social Worker so have left another message for her. DH phoned Carers Wales and they were shocked that we are still hanging around 9 months after we first asked for help.

So I have taken your excellent advice and written to my MP.

Having spent so much time in bed mum is now really weak and can not get herself into bed, she can barely get from the bed to the toilet so in order to go shopping I have had to leave her in the bedroom again.

I will encourage her to get up this evening so we can watch tv together but it won't be easy.

You know you are not coping when you start crying in Aldi because you can't decide what pasta to get!

Thank you @MereDintofPandiculation and @Toofaroutallmylife, that makes sense.
Just been to visit. She's in a sorry state. My sister made a comment that if she had a terminal illness there would be a big palliative care package but because it's heart failure - which is equally terminal - it's treated differently.
I need to get on the phone tomorrow.

Quirrel and hairbrush, I’m so sorry you’re having such bad times.

For those of you in the trenches at the moment

I can recommend the Aldi candles which won't help with the pasta choice hairbrush but may bring a moment of calm.

In a bid to find myself a hobby that I can manage and not add to my stress I have been learning Welsh on Duolingo. It's about 5 minutes a day, and to my shame, I have learnt how to cheat the system, but hey, it doesn't really matter because I just needed to do something manageable that was for me and wasn't work/family.

I can say 'I like coffee' and not much else so far. The list of things that we learn about can be quite amusing - 'Megan is wearing stockings.' Or maybe it is just that I am easily amused.

nota I’ve not much talent for languages but for some reason, Welsh sounds very appealing. Well, probably because I went once and found it to be very very beautiful.

DF was Welsh, and there is something quite poetic for me about the language, hearing it sung etc. I find it a relatively restful hobby with the added bonus of being free. (I suspect I won't ever be appearing in an Eisteddfod though!)

I had no idea it was free!! Thank you!

I use Duolingo too. I'm learning g Spanish. I'm nearly all through the tree and I'll do another language when I have finished it. They don't have Finnish and I think the Chinese is Mandarin whereas I would like to learn Cantonese so I will probably go for Swedish.

Wow, that's impressive Countrygirl.

You can download an app for your phone or do the course on a computer Autumn, the FB group I'm on reckon the difference is that the non app version has learning notes, whereas the app doesn't.

Sorry to everyone else for derailing the thread with my ramblings.

@notaflyingmonkey I love the idea of learning Welsh in bite sized portions. As the the great granddaughter of someone who was forced to wear the "Welsh Not" I feel a responsibility to keep the language alive.

My choice of pasta went down well last night so that was a positive.

Thanks to advice from @AutumnRose1 I now have my MP on the case. Regardless of his politics I trust him/his office to investigate. He has been helpful in the past and kept his word.

My husband has also been chasing the Council and is currently on the phone to a carers support finding out what we should have had and where the failings have happened.

So he now has ammunition to speak to the Council again. So - "Seconds away! Round 2!"

(BTW feeling much more positive today!)

Welsh sounds very appealing. Lovely language, but when I found out how many ways there were of forming plurals, I decided on Russian instead. The alphabet was a piece of cake compared to learning Welsh.

hairbrush glad you’re feeling better.

My wonderful husband has spent all morning on the phone. Apparently the reablement people reported that mum no longer needed care. However that was 8 months ago and she has deteriorated no end since then.

Also there is a 12 month waiting list for a Carer's Assessment which we have never been told. The paperwork we received said that it should have taken place or been arranged before the person being cared for leaves hospital. We got lost in the system and weren't even referred, let alone had an assessment arranged.

GP has been to mum and done an advanced healthcare plan. From begging us to move her into a care home she is now wanting to stay at home. GP is going to refer to hospice as well.

I must get DH to look at Duolingo he once started to learn Icelandic and I reckon he'd like that. I have a friend who's first language is welsh. Lovely to listen to.

MIL is going back home tomorrow. I expect the nurses will be very happy! She has been on a ward with all day visiting and FIL has been there all day, every day and he can be very demanding on her behalf. He has been ranting to DH today that none of the nurses and doctors do anything at all, all day. Apparently they sit at the nurses station and talk about nothing except TV shows and he knows that, not because he overhears their conversations, but because they stop talking and ask him how they can help when he goes up to them!

Hope everyone is doing as well as poss in the wuthering.
Small glimpse yesterday- dm was overjoyed with the £2.50 flowers from Aldi. Helped make all the shopping/ ferrying/ admin stuff worthwhile. And great she can still take pleasure from such things.
cockroach all.

Mum died last night in hospital, my sis was with her. I had come home for a bit and got back just too late. The end was peaceful though the preceding week was the stuff of nightmares. I'm relieved it's all over.

Ohquirrells I am so sorry.🌺🌺🌺

quirrels “ The end was peaceful though the preceding week was the stuff of nightmares. I'm relieved it's all over.”

Tbh I was the same with my dad, I honestly thought I’d have a heart attack from the stress of the week before.

I didn’t have the balls to say it here though. RIP Quirrel mum, and I hope you’re okay facing all the stuff that happens now.

@quirrels I’m sorry xx