Caring for elderly parents? Pop in for support/advice/a bit of a rant...

[picklemepopcorn]

Pace yourself, it's a marathon not a sprint!

This is a safe place to offload- don't be embarrassed about how you feel. No judgement here...

There are lovely people here with practical experience of some of the issues which crop up who'll share their hard won knowledge!

Yolo great picture, and I too can't believe the pressure you're under. It's ridiclous that they just stopped the temazepam. It really does highlight the problems in communication and how they impact those who can't fight their own corner.
My relative kept slipping/falling out of bed, at home and when hospitalised. Since moving to the care home, there has been one incident in two years.

There is a company called Medequip who provide toilet seat 'frames', rails, alarms, chairs etc. My relative got things through them via the local care package that was in place, might be worth seeing if they can assist?

@LighthouseSouth

In response to question about carers helping client with stairs. I was told that the carer couldn't go behind my parent to help them up or in front of them on the way down because if my parent fell they could injure the carer and they would then be unable to call emergency services. If your dad is unable to manage stairs then your local OT service may (should) be able to provide a bed for downstairs. If there is long term need for help with stairs and you don't want down stairs bed you could get a stairlift put in, but would probably need to self fund (around £2500) and carers will help with this if your parent is unable to operate themselves.

With regard to a wheel chair and steps outside, if it's just a couple of steps OT may (should) be able to provide a portable ramp.

By folks, sorry, I've been away from this thread for a couple of weeks, my mind hasn't been able to cope with thinking about serious things, I've stuck to light-hearted stuff, it's all a bit stressful at the mo. Just skimmed the updates, so @billysboy I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope things got sorted out with the GP,   for you.
@LighthouseSouth I hope you are doing ok, please remember to look after yourself, you are number 1 at the end of the day.
@yolofish that sounds so awful, how is she doing today?
MIL twigged today how much we have been doing for her without her realising (popping in for a brew every day but checking she's taking meds, washing herself etc), doing secret shopping and putting it away before she notices, and lots of other little jobs we've hidden as part of just going to see her. She's been in floods of tears all morning, and is beyond stressed about the DWP cutting every single benefit she's on, and still demanding £5k for the overpayments. I've noticed she's really hobbling again at the moment, I'm worried she's had a fall and not said anything, she has a fall alert pendant but never wears it "in case it gets wet when I'm washing up" (it's bloody waterproof).
Sorry, that was longer than I intended.

"By folks" was meant to be hi folks, stupid phone.

And @billysboy for some reason the flowers for you didn't post

ally sorry about my post, clearly not helpful. I feel driven to try and stick my nose into mental health problems even though i'm no expert, to try and fix things from my past that cant be fixed any more. I hope you are bearing up.

yolo it beggars belief that they keep playing with her meds. You do wonder what they think they will achieve.

lighthouse i hope they come up with some answers. If he's less mobile than before, they ought to arrange more inpatient rehab. Hope they will.

My mum is really struggling post move. Wish we'd never done it. I dont think she is eating much - i put some lunch in front of her today despite her refusing, and she ended up having seconds. It's just all too much for her. I wish she wouldn't fight the help i can give so hard though.

Annan, that sounds so hard to watch. You must feel helpless.
Just sending support to everyone going through it all- some brilliant advice from wise women.
cockroach to all🍷🍷🌺🌺🍫🍫🍸🍸

thanks again for all the support here

I'm one of the posters who is having issues accessing MN via iThing - I couldn't help laughing at the site report because I could see but couldn't reply to it!

so I might not be on for a bit or whenever the bug is fixed. Hope everyone is okay this weekend. I have a rough one - staying with mum, who is now in so much pain from hospital visits, she is walking with a stick. But she insists on going every day, she won't let anyone go in lieu.

so I'll be over there this weekend sorting stuff. I have seriously put a hip flask with vodka in my bag!!

take care all

We are in a much better place now, as my dad decided for himself 10 days or so ago that he could no longer live alone. We spent last weekend touring some fabulous residential homes (eye-wateringly expensive!!!), he picked the one he liked best, and we moved him in on Thursday!

The 'lift' in him, brought about by the relief of not being alone much of the time, is palpable, and he's settling in very well so far. We can now, hopefully return to the 'fun' side of caring for him, rather than fire-fighting crises all the time.

Great news light. And breathe.
Sending 🌺🌺🍷🍷🍫🍫to everyone in the trenches.

@thesandwich

I think it's Dear God who has the good news, no pun intended!

Dear God - man that's a power hungry username you do hear of people who perk up massively in care homes and it sounds like your dad is one of them, I'm v pleased for you.

Hopefully this will post now.....

Thanks, Lighthouse.
I am currently spending the first weekend in ages at home, ostensibly catching up on all the chores I haven't had time for, but actually sitting around MN-ing and reading the paper!
Much needed.

Oops 😮sorry light. Your weekend sounds v tough. 🍷🍷if you need it.
Dear god what a relief. Glad he is settling.

glad to hear some good news dear god.

I really really need some good news. Took DH to A&E at 3am on Sat; he is now diagnosed with suspected bowel cancer - from nowhere. Next step is an MRI scan, followed by chemo and radio and then surgery to remove the 'large mass' in his bowel. We found out this morning, and he is expecting a visit from the oncology nurse tomorrow.

Didnt visit DM yest due to 7 hours in A&E and then going back later to see DH. Went today; she now has a minder on 24 hour suicide watch and was the maddest I have ever seen, accusing me of causing her to be in 'this asylum' and a whole load of other shit.

Strangely, I seem to be holding it together but DM has gone right down my list of priorities. Called DB and said that if they want anyone to visit DM they will have to come up because I cannot support two people like this, and DH is what matters most. Luckily DD1 came home for the w/e, expecting a nice time, but was so good to have her here.

Oh @yolofish I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope he has a speedy recovery, look after yourself

many thanks for all of the flowers
I collect dads ashes tomoz I have got an old leather suitcase to put urn t in as he is coming down to me until his journey on Friday to memorial celebration in the village he grew up in and was married in

He had a direct cremation and we have organised the whole day ourselves still a few petty arguments going on amongst family which I am just beyond now

I have organised some black roses for him and I am composing a Eulogy which will be short

love to you all x

Yolo

I don't care how unmumsnetty it is, I'd like to offer ALL the hugs

Yolo - Look after yourself and your dh. So sorry you have yet more bad news.

You are an impressive group of women, who are all going through so much at the moment. So many plates spinning.

yolo I work with a woman who is recovering from bowel cancer - I saw her last week and she looked great, returning to work next month. It is a bastard of a disease, but totally recoverable if caught early enough I believe.

Cockroach all.

Yolo so sorry. I hope you get a rapid MRI result, staging and a treatment plan so that you know what you’re dealing with

@yolofish I normally only lurk in here but your recent post hit a nerve. Like you and so many others in here I’ve been trying to cope with DM’s dementia etc then suddenly DH was diagnosed with bowel cancer completely out of the blue.
I won’t lie it wasn’t easy but 18 months on DH is doing okay and we feel positive. DM is an ongoing issue but we are getting there.
Stay strong and put DH and you first.

Yolo sending a hug and loads of support. So many of us here for you. XX

Yolo I am so sorry.🌺🌺🌺 huge hugs to you.
Billy, sounds like you will do him proud.
cockroach all

Yolo I'm so sorry. Have you got RL support? Sending from a stranger xxx

Wishing your DH well @yolofish