Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

[picklemepopcorn]

Carrying on from previous thread, IF I can work out how to link...

Come and offload your worries and frustration here, and share your experience and hard won wisdom with the rest of us!

Mini mooch, vent away and please listen to auntie picke. She speaks sense. Do what you must- but look after yourself.
Winter- look after yourself too. Vent away here.
Hi to Monica and everyone else. or as required. You are not alone.

Minmooch - Don’t worry about not feeling able right now to offer support. It’s part of the ebb and flow of this lovely thread. I can’t add much except to repeat a saying that I find helpful, which is that you can’t pour from an empty jug. Do take time and space to attend to your own needs. You’ve been through so much already.

Thank you all for your lovely words. I haven't cried for a while but today I have howled. I'll be ok, be stronger again but today I feel very vulnerable. Thank you for hearing me.

Mini 🌺🌺🌺🌺and 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷. Lots of hands to hold here. You are heard. Be kind to yourself and Howl if you need to.

Min mooch just wanted to say I've been thinking of you today. Agree about advice about being kind to yourself, I know it's easier said than done but it's so important.

Mum's still in rehab home and has text me to say physio's have done a house visit and now want to arrange a meeting to discuss her future. She said she 'thinks she knows what I will say' but has at least given them my number as they'd like to speak to me. She's desperate to go home despite admitting my brother ( who lives with her) loses his temper at times. I explained I only want her to be as happy as possible and safe. If I get involved with the meeting I could end up opposite my intimidating brother being made out to be the one who is pushing her into a home.

Whatever, you can speak to the staff organising the meeting and make them aware of your concerns. They will have seen similar dynamics before, and will know how to handle it. They managed a situation involving my parents by canvassing my sister and I first, then managing the meeting so it was clear to my mum that the path was non negotiable. Otherwise she would have put us on the spot, and guilted is for not backing her up.

Pickle thank you that is very reassuring. She said they were going to phone me so hopefully that's what they will want to discuss. You're right, I'm sure we are not the first awkward family situation that they have come across.

Mum and dad now both in nursing home. I’m confident we’d exhausted home care but nonetheless feeling bad. My mum is the feisty woman she raised me to be. How would this be easy?

I would accept that discomfort as a sign of how important it is to you to do the right thing, and testament to your relationship with your parents.

I'd be wary of someone who never felt bad about anything!

Along it is not surprising you feel as you do. Remember what the nurse said. You have done all you could and more.
Enjoy the sunshine.🌺🌺

Well, it's all drama at my mum's. She keeps losing things, is down to her last door key, and lost that one too. Turns out it was down the front of her dress...

I've suggested she try medication for anxiety and depression, but she won't have it. She's been anxious and highly strung her entire life. She says tablets won't bring Dad back. Well, no, but it will help you remember where you put the keys,,..! Bah!

Oh pickle I am sorry to hear.... must be so hard. Do you have a spare key? Does she have a keysafe?
She is still grieving- as are you. and 🍫🍫 for you.

Oh, pickle. That sounds so worrying, and exhausting.

Sending good wishes to all.

Things are same-old same-old here. CMOT and I are probably the only ones from the origional thread. But I am learning all the time.

My new tip. DM tends to be prone to UTIs in hot weather as she does not drink enough. You can buy urine testing strips and pots from amazon. She was a bit off last week so the carer tested her. The GP was content to take our word for it so prescribed antibiotics which the pharmacy delivered. All fine now, crisis averted and no rushing around, so energy saved for when it is really needed.

MIL has now been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, vascular dementia and temporal lobe shrinkage. DH has told her this morning, but it's not registered.

We're now trying to figure out where we go from here as she lives alone, has been housebound for the last four years and gets about five hours a week company from her DC. We have no clue as to whether she has capacity or not. Her default position is immediate refusal and has been for a long time.

I was her favourite DIL, but she's not been able to recognise me for the last six months.

That's sad, Time. Does she have a Social worker you can talk to?

NMS what a sensible approach! Is there any scope for giving her more watery foods in the summer? Tomatoes, melon, Soup or sorbet or something?

We have Groundhog Day. The carer announces she has found an interesting new cranberry juice. Would my mother like to try some. The same conversation at the beginning and end of each call.

But like everyone she has off days. The strips, which I had not realised you could buy, give us chance for a quick and early check. The last small decline in capacity was her forgetting how to link hunger with looking in the fridge. So no point leaving stuff for her. It needs to be given to her. The next small decline is her forgetting how to write her name. But she is still alert and people she meets casually have no idea there is a problem.

That’s a good tip nms..... bet that does wonders for your Amazon reccomendations....you bought this so you might like this....... ours has some glorious mobility aids.....

Couple them with textbooks for my student daughter and Amazon never offers me anything interesting. Not a bad thing.

nothing to report from my end really, same old... but just wanted to drop in and send all good things to those struggling.

Hi everyone 🖑
Mum has been in hospital again - I got a call at 3am yesterday morning.
Couldn't breathe and chest pain
Upshot is nasty chest infection.
Had to rule out a PE as she has not long flown.
She's just home with antibiotics now but I'm shattered....didnt sleep well last night and currently have an ear infection so feeling pretty sorry for myself today.
I always feel quite....odd...after mums been in a and e/on a ward.
You see such awful sights :(
I've read her discharge report and it states she has severe emphysema. First time that's been mentioned :(
She has a uti too but she won't have the op to correct the prolapse so...
She also wont have to op to fix her occluded graft so....
I can only do what I can do.
It's scary though.
I can see the future and it's bleak :(

Mrs Reynolds that sounds awful. So sorry.
There are no pearls of wisdom or wise words just and 🍫.
Good to see you yolo.

DM had another fall yesterday - my nephew, wife and baby were visiting, she was just chatting in the kitchen and went over sideways. Very bruised, hasnt called doc or anything and is just resting. Honestly, I'm glad we didnt have the mercy dash to A&E over a boiling hot bank holiday w/e when we had loads on etc, but I suppose I am anticipating the inevitable broken hip now. osteoporosis/arthritis are not going to let up are they?

Oh dear yolo! So the nephew was able to sort her out in the short term, but you are just waiting for next time?

I'm visiting mine. She's steadfastly refusing all suggestions, and getting angry about some of them. Then she adopts some and claims they were her idea anyway. Joy. Patience. Saint. Sigh.

yep nephew and wife picked her up etc then came round to see us, didnt tell me as he "wasnt sure you'd want me to Grandma" so first I heard was when I went round to see her this evening. She is like a frail little baby bird now... but still bloody cantankerous! and pickle I so know the adopting your suggestions as if they were her idea. etc