Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

[CMOTDibbler]

It doesn't matter whether you are a hands on carer, care from a distance, or are just contemplating the future. Join us for support from people who know the struggles of becoming your parents carer - we rant, cry, and pick each other up.

Oh Pigeon that sounds terrible. Why is it all made so difficult?! Hope today is a better day and CMOT - hope today goes well.

Cmot- hope today goes well.
Pigeon- what a bleak situation. Wishing you strength.
Fil is drinking yoghurt type protein type drinks but not very keen. Poor chap.
Helen- good to see you. Is it really so long?

Dad home, but with a leg ulcer which wasn't dressed in hospital. Anyone know if I should complain to PALs that he had no pressure interventions and got discharged with a skin breakdown?
Just finishing delivering a training session, then off to get mum

I would cmot.

As a general principle it's poor nursing care to have a patient develop a pressure sore while under a ward's care. If you have the energy to contact PALS then do so, hopefully they'll feed it back to the ward.

Sounds like the district nurses are fuming about it - they've worked so hard to prevent his seriously compromised skin breaking down and then not only has it been allowed to break down, but no one checked or dressed it (dad cant feel below the knee).
Mum said she'd had a lovely time and maybe she could stay there again with dad. And their carer had taken the chance of her not being there to have a really good throw out of very out of date food in the cupboards

Cmot that sounds awful- your poor dad. Fil came out of hospital with two pressure sores. So hard to shift. It's good to know your mum had a nice time- could it be repeated to give your dad a break?
Zaza how are things? How are the uni visits going?

We had s good open day at Reafing Sandwich, ds was impressed.
Dm stuff still unfolding. Hsf a lsdt minute reprieve : she wad going into a private home tomorrow which would have been cripplingly expensive, but yesterday the SW said they good probably get her into Extra Care housing by the end of this week. Do we hurriedly (and red-facedly) cancelled the private home snd are waiting for further news. Hope to get dm out of hospital by Friday.
CMOT that's awful about your df"s leg. There slways seems to be a new problem to add to the list doesn’t there?

Zaza that sounds encouraging- also it means it stays ss's monkey,not just yours. Will your DM be happier with it do you think or is that hoping for too much?
Glad your dc liked reading!

Reading is a lovely campus - what is your ds thinking of studying? Great news on the extra care place!

CMOT definitely complain. That actually a safeguarding matter

Yes it's good news and I'll only believe it once she's in. She thinks she's off to rehab and is accepting it. She hss no idea of the change of plan.

Oh gosh - this keeps falling off my feed and I am desperately trying to catch up!

So sorry to hear of the trials and tribulations so many of you are facing.

Pigeon, that sounds very difficult - I hope someone is able to help you find somewhere as suitable as possible really soon. And the leak sounds like the last thing you need.

Re the not eating - it's really the only way they can have any control over their lives at all, isn't it? So sad that this is what they feel they have to do at this stage of their lives.

Helen, I'm not sure my DM really knows who I am when I phone - she said something about her daughter in conversation last time

CMOT, sorry about your Ddad but it sounds like things went really well for your DM.

Zaza, hope the SW is able to get her into Extra Care (is that an "enhanced" care home?) - it is all so hit-and-miss with what is available at the time.

I feel a bit detached from all this atm with DM being 200miles away and well looked after in her dementia nursing home, but I will be going up in a couple of weeks. Her house is now sold, so that is a great weight off my mind - thank god as there is plenty going on here to worry about!

Hi Tilly nice to hear from you again. I hope to see the Extra Care place today. I think it's flatlets in a block with carers living on site. I can't quite picture the set up yet so am eager to see it.

ZaZa - glad your daughter likes Reading! I used to live in the town and loved it; there's loads going on.

CMOT definitely complain - it's not right and PALS should at least be aware of it.

Dad now needs at least two people with him at all times. He's very strong, very fast on his feet and has no idea what he's doing. He uses very complex language so sounds coherent (except when he switches into Latin mid-sentence), but then does the sort of thing a particularly out-of-control toddler might do, like snatching my glasses and throwing them across the floor, pulling another patient's bedclothes off or trying to pull a cabinet off the wall. He asked for a tissue yesterday - when I handed him one he proceeded to eat it and blow his nose on the bedsheets. It's so exhausting, and I feel guilty when I leave as I can barely cope with an hour of it, never mind the 24/7 that the other patients and the nurses have.

I went through the CHC assessment checklist yesterday and he would be classed as Severe for everything apart from skin breakage (though he has loads of bruises). He doesn't seem to be getting any better - just weirder. It was a lot easier in some ways when he was unconscious - as heartbreaking as it was, the only thing I had to worry about was that he was being hydrated and washed properly rather than managing this massive unpredictability (and the fact he's bigger and stronger than I am)

And still nobody has the slightest idea what on earth is doing this. DH asked me what I did after I'd been to the hospital and I had to tell him "I just get on with things" - not what I want to do, but there's no other option really.

On the plus side, DD's own hospital appointment went well - she's disappointed that she won't need glasses after all but apparently her eyes are all clear, so that's something less to worry about for a change!

Pigeon, that sounds hard work with your DDad. Two people at all times Hope they can get to the bottom of it soon

Tilly, good to see you! Glad your DM is being cared for- have you got a teen doing exams iirc?
Zaza- that sounds so tough with your dad and so scary. Good news about your dad though.she could always have frames with plain glass.....
Cmot hope your dad is on the mend.

Hi Sandwich! Yes, well remembered - two - one GCSEs, the other A'levels. Full-on year ahead, gulp!

My DM didn't once say she wished she was dead/wanted to die when I spoke to her on Sunday - that is a massive improvement, just hope it lasts.

That's permanently exhausted with the exhausting dad Sandwich, I'm the one with the dm waiting in hospital for a move to Èxtra Care place. Which by the way is now not happening until probably end of next week much to my horror. I'm now planning to pay people to visit her (as well as going myself of course) to try to keep her spirits up.

Oops sorry Zaza- I'm typing on iPad so sometimes can't scroll down and lose track..... sorry to hear about the delay- great idea to pay people! Have the hospital accepted she won't move until next week? Did you see the extra care place? How is the UCAS prep going?
Pigeon how are you doing?
Here finally sorting poa for my DM and arranging a stream of people to do things for her.... acts as a major distraction from complaining about the skip opposite etc etc.....

sandwich so much admin and talking to people to do - it's exhausting, without the actual caring you have to do yourself.
Yes hospital/SS agree she needs 24hr care so will keep her until the place is available but it can't come quick enough for me. I just can't relax knowing she's just sitting there all day. Age UK have found someone to do an extra visit daily, they charge but that's fine with me.
DS is tweaking his personal statement at the moment and should be ready to submit his UCAS form soon. He's keen on Reading or Sussex.

Zaza, paying is a good idea, especially if you have people to pay
And good on your DS - my DD's is neatly ready...

Tilly my DC are same age as yours but reversed: DS doing his A levels, DD doing GCSEs.

Mine younger is on a gap year, so perhaps they will end up in the same place.

Tuesday afternoon was hosptial tests. Again they tried to send her away without a diagnosis, just saying come back if it gets worse. Well that what we did as they said the same the time before.

The nurse practicioner insisted on talking only to my mother, asking her to confirm that she did not have any problems. Of course she did not as she did not know why she was there. Indeed earlier she had told therm there was no point in her being there as she had already had her appendix out. I managed to get my mum on a riff about her appendix scar, but still the nurse practioner did not get that my mother was not able to answer quesitons about her leg.

The GP is good and was concerned about the earlier dismissal. I now need to write to him. And I will get my soon to be medic daughter to research what tests DM should have.

I know, dm's been diagnosed with dementia for almost 2 years and can't answer any doctor or nurses questions. When I'm there I explain everything but when left alone she'll always give the impression that everything's fine!

What is your dc doing on their gap year Needmore? My ds said he was thinking of this but I have been discouraging it as his vague plan was to earn a bit of money in Tesco's or similar and go on a month long holiday with the proceeds. I didn't see that as particularly enriching! Different if he wanted to work abroad or try getting some career underway here.