It doesn't matter whether you are a hands on carer, care from a distance, or are just contemplating the future. Join us for support from people who know the struggles of becoming your parents carer - we rant, cry, and pick each other up.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Elderly parents
Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need
999 replies
CMOTDibbler · 16/09/2016 19:22
OP posts:
MoreElderlyParentWoes ·
02/04/2017 10:24
Thank you for the 
and 
.
MN needs a ::solidarity:: emoticon! I so recognise what you say about making everything such hard work. My mother also makes everything a competition - while my father was alive, it was all about how she was more frail and more disabled than him (even though she demonstrably wasn't) and now it's about how her situation is worse than her friends' (even though that's debatable).
picklemepopcorn ·
01/04/2017 14:10
That does sound so much like my mum. She wants the world to revolve around her. I'm not sure how she will be after my dad has gone, but she has learned to do all sorts of stuff recently. She'd sit and wait forever if there was someone else available. If there is someone to see she is struggling, then it's outrageous that a frail old woman like her has to do everything herself. Ho hum. She does make everything very hard work.
picklemepopcorn ·
01/04/2017 12:10
It makes total sense. She may find all sorts of inner resources if you back away, though. My DM has always depended on DF, there is so much she couldn't do. Turns out she's actually quite capable when the chips are down. Sometimes you have to let people find their own way, as they stop doing things to show you how helpless they are and how much they need you.
Your mum may be nothing like that, of course.
I've made an appointment at the hospice for all of us while I am here visiting, but now I have to explain that to mum which will undoubtedly cause problems.
I'll have more's share of the 
, (just to help out), thank you sandwich!
MoreElderlyParentWoes ·
01/04/2017 09:27
Thank you, sandwich. Sadly, I can't drink the , but will happily accept the rest.
As it happens, she has another health appointment next week, so I'm hoping I'll have a chance to speak in private to the HCP. To be frank, I'm fed up with it all now. I know I can't be responsible for her mental health, but I'm already responsible for everything else - she won't even walk to the shop at the end of the road for a pint of milk. Really, I should walk away - my sibling already has - but I guess I feel I ought to be kind to her. I haven't had a great deal of kindness in my life until meeting DH, so I want to be kind now, even though, in many ways, she doesn't deserve it. She has been spectacularly unkind to me over the years. Does that make any sort of sense?
thesandwich ·
01/04/2017 07:40
Hi to all.
More- I am so sorry. You sound in need of 
and a large plus. There is only so much you can do- if she will not accept help or denies needing it, you cannot force it on her. And please put your needs up the agenda- you cannot be responsible for her happiness. Rant away ...
how is your DM unmanned? And Badders have you all got rid of the lurgy? Pickle how are you doing?
MoreElderlyParentWoes ·
31/03/2017 23:32
and from me too.
I am on my knees with exhaustion. My mother (not for the first time) is threatening to kill herself. She can't cope with the loneliness but refuses even to contact any of the agencies that might be able to help. She's also been very economical with the truth when talking to her GP. I'm
in despair, and so grateful that I can vent here with others going through similar things.
thesandwich ·
29/03/2017 08:35
Oh unmanned sorry about your DM - and it is so good the district nurses could help. for you.
Unmanned ·
29/03/2017 06:43
Can I just sing the praises of our district nurses? Called at half four this morning as mum in lot of tummy pain as catheter blocked - they came and dealt with her double incontinence and changed catheter whilst being so so kind and gentle with her! to those who work out of hours
bigTillyMint ·
28/03/2017 07:02
Oh dear - just catching up, it looks like so many people are having a tough time.
Badders, look after yourself. You cannot cure her loneliness. I am sure you have thought of this (and we have probably already talked about it on this thread!), but are there any clubs she could be taken to or could she move into a home where there are lots of others?
Unmanned, glad you are getting some rest. Wishing your DM a peaceful time.
Cave, sorry that you're having such a difficult time with your DM and MIL with a small one and another on the way.
for everyone.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
VintagePerfumista ·
27/03/2017 17:32
Hello lovelies, I'd lost you all as well, in between being an ostrich and busy at work.
Pink- welcome
Unmanned
Badders- hope you are feeling better now!
Hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected. My Mum is now settling into the home and bossing everyone around. Some of her friends have now been to visit, and my cousin says there has been none of the half-expected "are we going home now then?" stuff that I was fearing. I haven't been in contact with her, bit unsure how to go about it, does one just ring a home and ask to speak to a resident? I am speaking to my cousin again later in the week so will ask him.
He is clearing the house, which we will rent out in due course to make up some money for her care. She has a lot of expensive-ish porcelain which is going to auction. I keep having wobbles about that and think I shall retrieve some of it beforehand. I feel as though I ought to have it.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.