Support for those who care for elderly parents - drop in as you need, everyone welcome

[CMOTDibbler]

All of us would rather not be here, but we need to be - with the people who really understand.

Thanks!

Hmmm, well, shopping checklists easier said than done from 200 miles away!
And as she hasn't got a microwave...

BTM. Google domiciliary opticians and see if there are any in your area. So easy. Plus they are used to confused people. My mum claims each time that she does not wear glasses.

If you have daily carers could you organise a weekly supermarket delivery. Is there somewhere things could be left, or could you do click and collect with the carer collecting. Or even ready meals like Cook! My mother improved a lot when she went into sheltered and a large part of that was that she had been mainly living on Magnums and Mars Bars when she was on her own at home.

I like the idea of the sewing machine though.

Thanks, NMS, but I think she has already got some sorted. Though I'm not really sure due to phone conversations!

I could organise a weekly delivery - will check that out when I go up, but she was enjoying going shopping at Christmas and I wonder if going with a carer would be something to do?

I like the idea of surviving on Magnums and Mars Bars

So I still have the other care agency manager coming next week, would it be OK to still meet with her just incase as a back-up as I don't want to change from the current one if it's actually going better now?

Bigtilly you seem to have a good team of carers. Sorry your mum seems worse.

Is the sewing machine " broken" because she's fiddled with something ? My dads things are always " broken again" which means he's moved the CD player onto radio setting or similar. Mind you we arranged for the circular saw to be " broken" by removing the fuse !

Dads having more falls and getting worse on his legs. I'm not sure whether to be pleased or slightly miffed that the home got the gp out without telling me. I'll settle for please they have his best interests at heart I think !

Difficult one BTM. Seeing as she is accepting them more now I'd be inclined to try and make them work but won't do any harm to meet other ones whilst there given the distance. SW got carers to do internet shop with my Mother at one point. If you could get them to take her out that could be good. I second the Cook meals as useful.

HelenluvsRob sorry about your Dad's falls

I'd like an update on my Mother but struggling to get one.

Sugarplum the falls aren't new and we don't know how many he had at home as mum only told us if he couldn't get up or he was bruised I think.

We are lucky as the home is working hard on not admitting him if we can possibly get away with it.

Helen, I think it is probably something v simple like that. She frequently "breaks" the TV and has "broken" 2 or 3 radios, not to mention the microwave! I am hoping to take it away because I don't want her to have an accident with it and it is still in good condition, and I don't want her to throw it away.

Helen, sorry your dad is falling more - is that dementia-related?

SugarPlum, sorry you are not getting to hear about your mum - hopefully no news is good news.

Dads worse again :(
Spent this evening watching back to back midsummer murders for 4.5hrs waiting for the rapid response nurses. He can barely get out of a chair with help at the moment and wet himself twice as I couldn't get him up.
He's coughing like a drain but no signs of infection apparently. They have left me a delayed antibiotic script though.

I'm just hoping he is too under the weather to even try to get out of bed....

However I'm not too worried. He was still charming the ladies. His hand was too cold for the oxygen meter so she asked if she could hold his hand to warm it up -reply- " ooh please do!"

And as they bid him farewell they said " lovely to meet you " to which replied " do come agsin , anytime":)

Really sorry to hear that HelenluvsRob I'm smiling at how charming he is though.

Just received an email from my Brother with an update from one of the Carers. She's more sociable now and going out twice a day to play ball with the other guests which is a huge improvement. It's all ok u till she speaks to either me or my Brother.

Good to hear you got a positive update SPT. Sad to realise the aggression is saved up for her children, but I hope your mind is a bot more at rest.
BTM- don't giver up on the "broken" items. Dad would ring me saying the TV was broken, I'd go round and find the aerial was not plugged in. Or the remote's batteries were flat. And so on with lots of electrical stuff.
Helen I hope your Dad starts to feel better. Antibiotics brought about big improvements in my dad on countless occasions.
Bro went to visit Dad today in his new care home (a first, he's been in big denial about Dad needing residential care). An old carer of Dad kindly took him. I suspect it will have been tough for him, waiting to hear.

Helen, sorry to hear about your dad - what was going on with the rapid response nurses? Good that he's still on the chat

SugarPlum, that's good. And maybe it's just better to not ring her very often at all? Let the carers update you instead?

Bob, that sounds good that an old carer took your bro. Has he agreed to regular help yet?

Yes, that's exactly the kind of broken I think it is. It's anything electrical/technical. I have ordered a new microwave which I will pick up and tell her it is for me so not to worry about it and leave it alone. Then if and when there is need for stuff to be heated up, it's there. It is so difficult to understand what she is talking about on the phone, but there has been no moaning about the carers and the manager seems to be the one going in on a Saturday. So I am thinking that I really will stick with this agency. But should I still see the other care agency manager or cancel as I don't want to waste her time???

BTM I think any experienced and professional care manager will have experienced this scenario. Why not let her know that your mother seems to have settled down with the current carers. But that if that is OK with her you will keep her agency's details and maybe contact her further down the line, should the need arise. Be appreciative of her time and leave it on good terms.
I read that tradesmen know only 1 quote in 3 leads to a job, maybe it's similar with care agencies. don't worry about this one too much.
Bro not getting any hope as far as I can see, but I am taking a softly softly approach. Will be going to the house on Thursday then on to visit Dad with bro.

That is very good advice bob - thank you.

Good luck with your visit.

good luck Bob!

I've asked the GP to look at dad again today as they are visiting the home anyway.

Sorry, I've not been on here much this week. Thanks to those of you who asked after my Mum. We got a phone call from the hospital on Sat 16th to say Mum had deteriorated suddenly overnight and they weren't sure if she had had a heart attack or a clot on the lung. DB was up as he was planning to visit anyway and I rang other DB and told him. We all raced over to the hospital - nearly 2 hours away and they told us there had been a slight improvement since the morning. Her breathing wasn't good though and she was a bit confused - DB2 didn't think she really knew who he was as he arrived with me and I think DM thought he was either my DH or my DS.

Anyway, things have improved massively this week and when I visited yesterday she was dressed and sitting in a chair a fussing about her hair looking a mess.

She was due to see doctors today to discuss the surgery that she needs but has apparently told the nurses she doesn't want to have. I am happy if that s her choice, as long as someone has explained the implications of not having surgery - which so far hasn't happened. I'm not sure she'll understand it all to be honest and sadly none of us could be there today.

And as if I haven't had enough of hospitals my DD was rushed in at the weekend due to a long seizure - thankfully we got out first thing the following morning but spending the night on a ward full of old ladies with dementia was not much fun.

Oh no BBB - your poor DD as well as all the stress with your DM

Oh blue I am so sorry to hear about your dm and dd. Look after yourself.
Thinking of you all.

Hugs blue.

Really sorry to hear this Blue. Hope DD is on the mend

Just left mums after a gruelling couple of days. Significant deterioration. So many appointments and jobs to do. She has somehow not had any meds (apart from the ones for the UTI) for a month so I doubt that has helped, but should be sorted on Mon. The Care Agency is going to increase from 4 days a week to daily asap - they will be able to keep an eye on meds and hopefully sort any small problems daily.

We went shopping with a carer and it was obvious she must be taken out by someone - no clue about how to pay/change, etc. She has a lot of money in her handbag but not able to go to bank or cashpoint now. I had to reprogramme her TV again (think carers do this regularly as she can't use the remote) and replaced her TV remote with a much simpler one L, but I'm not sure she even grasps how to use that one.

Memory clinic nurse also shocked by the rapid decline.

Really sorry to read this BTM. It does sound like she needs daily carer visits. Then you'll know she's getting her meds and at least 1 decent meal. Sorry you had a tough 2 days.

Tilly I am so sorry to read this. You must be exhausted. Daily visits should help.
Take care- and how are you doing Bob? And big blue? How is your dd?
Rob- how is your dad? SPT and nms- hope no update is good news. Dm here is stable but fairly well- still in a lot of pain but does enjoy the tennis- although"Andy Murray isn't one of my favourites" - do we think he will mind??😮

Sarnie, mainly same old same old as my mum's physical health is good and her mental deterioration is slow.

She seems a lot better in herself in recent weeks. So much so that she says she wants to join a dating agency....

Pity she can't use a smart phone as this rules out Tinder.

Really sorry to hear that BTM, it's so hard seeing it

Sandwich I think Andy Murray will cope !

Bob how are things with your Dad and Brother ? How are you feeling ?

NMS , wasn't expecting you to say online dating, you do have to admire her spirit. I took a call from Dad this week. Him and partner were at friend's house and being the technical support for her new ioad. Which is great apart from the fact they can't actually use the one I gave them!

It was all fine with my Mother. She went on a flower and strawberry picking trip and was going out twice a day to play ball with the other residents and had bonded well with the carers. However she is currently unconscious in an ambulance after developing breathing problems. Brother on way but stuck in traffic. Difficult conversation to confirm we're still both certain about the DNR. I've got some horrible bug , am lemsipped up and can only croak at the moment. I've seen a photo and she does not look good. Not sure what today will bring .

False alarm. She's come round and doing better. Apparently she's been very active the last few days and doing laps of her room as wants to improve her mobility, but hasn't been eating or drinking enough as the weather heated back up so dehydrated. Will be in for a couple of days and should be ok. Bit of an emotional roller coaster as sounded (and looked) as if she was on her way out earlier.