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Original poster

Help - Need to send daughter to boarding school

228 replies

KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 15:10

I'm looking for any advice you wise lot may have about sending my daughter to boarding school. Fees are not an issue. It has become very clear that the state system is not working for her or us as a family and we need to move her as soon as possible.

I've trawled through the various websites and have noted the various open days, etc. As she is 14 and currently out of school is it possible for her to enter before the next full admissions year or not? Incidentally we also have a son who is doing very well at the local state school in Scotland and have no intention of moving him so it's not a question of her current school/s being not good enough, just not working for her.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Beetroot · 20/03/2010 19:22

Christs hospital is fabulous but very hard to get in

BitOfFun · 20/03/2010 19:23

It sounds like SS are very much involved already, PininJo. And the police sound useless. I agree with Dittany's suggestion upthread actually- the local MP may be some help.

CarGirl · 20/03/2010 19:25

I know CH has a girl space in year 9 in dds house, someone left due to change in parents circumstance and they weren't replaced. You may only be able to go if you pay full fees (usually everyone pays means tested fees) as they are now allowing direct entry as they are suffering in the current recession - they have huge investments but obviously they aren't earning much at the moment!

PipinJo · 20/03/2010 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl · 20/03/2010 19:36

Actually if she has been educated through the scottish system perhaps she could go into year 8 now?

StillSquiffy · 20/03/2010 19:37

My friend has a daughter of 14 with a similar - but by no means - identical problem. She is thriving in a single sex and very sporty boarding school in the middle of nowhere in South Africa. Flight costs outweighed by very cheap fees. If she went now she would be schooling until September (because they have their summer break at Xmas), then you could return her to UK September for start of academic year.

NonnoMum · 20/03/2010 19:44

Just come across this thread and think you are doing the right thing, KatieS. I can't imagine what it must feel like for you and I have quite a lot of experience with teenage girls.
Let's hope a boarding school gets her back on track, and back into the intelligent, well-rounded girl she sounds like.
Not much to add, but I know in England there are a few (not well advertised!) state boarding schools. However, it sounds like a Scottish one would suit you better.
Good luck. Shame we can't all our husbands/partners together to go and "have a chat" with him. NOT to threaten him but just to show him how real men behave. I reckon if twenty proper men all ended up in a room with him, they could advise him how to behave... (Just an idea!)

Pumphreydidit · 20/03/2010 19:45

Strathallan has not been without it's problems and I would hesitate to send a girl there.

Glenalmond is in the middle of nowhere and the girls are very well protected and guided there. It is safe imo.

MadameCastafiore · 20/03/2010 19:45

Pippinjo - even if she went to an adolescent psychiatric unit she would not be stopped from leaving if she tried to unless she was under Section as it is against her human rights to lock her up - she has not committed a crime and so cannot be locked up unless under Section.

brimfull · 20/03/2010 19:49

Have no advice for you but just wanted to add my sympathies -what a horrible situation for her and you.
I hopeyou get is sorted soon.

Buda · 20/03/2010 19:56

What a terrifying situation for you. I reckon 10 mins in a room with a few angry men could be just what this lowlfe needs. No holds barred. Bastard.

I feel so sad for you as you obv don't want her to go away but I do think that it may be your only solution. It may not work of course but at least you will have tried.

curlyredhead · 20/03/2010 20:02

My heart goes out to you. I don't think I can make any helpful suggestions - I know of two more boarding schools (in Dunblane and St Andrews) but both places have pretty good transport links. I hope you can find a solution for you and your daughter. Good luck.

puffling · 20/03/2010 20:13

Why should you have to go thru' all this upheaval because of this low life?

Having said that, it sounds as if teh boarding school would be agood idea anyway?
It's not costing you anthing.
She's old enough for it not to be too much of a wrench for you both.
Will be academically stimulating

And this bloke will quickly move on. He is interested now because she's easily available to him. There's no way he'll be wanting to follow her.

emy72 · 20/03/2010 20:13

I once met a man from abroad, who was really nice and had a good job. He told me that his family had sent him to a relative in this country as he had been involved with drugs and bad people as a teenager and the parents had run out of options. He did really well for himself. So abroad or boarding might well give your daughter the break she needs. Good luck xxx

SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 20:14

i went to christs hosp and look at me.
blardy awful

CarGirl · 20/03/2010 20:23

Su but did you go to Horsham or the dreaded girls place???? I know someone who transferred to Horsham when they shut the girls only one down and said there was no comparison!

BitOfFun · 20/03/2010 20:24

Yeah, back to the drawing board, I reckon

SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 20:25

still dont think boarding is ever the answer

BitOfFun · 20/03/2010 20:35

People are very polarised on boarding school, aren't they? Especially if they have been themself. For some it was an awful time, for some it was the making of them. From how you describe your daughter and the seriousness of the situation, it's got to be worth a try though- I think you are doing the right thing, fwiw.

Ivykaty44 · 20/03/2010 20:42

I actually think it would probably be the making of her - boarding school that is.

A long way away I don't know

But do keep it in your mind that eventually all that good parenting will come good don't doubt yourself - ever.

thisisyesterday · 20/03/2010 20:46

i've never understood why anyone would send a child away to board. really haven't. and when i first saw this thread my initial thought was "mean mummy"

but having read the entire thing I have to say I think the OP is doing the right tihng.

boarding school may be far from ideal, but quite frankly if i were in the same situation i would be looking at it too.
the OP is doing everything she can to keep her daughter away from a known sex offender. surely the bad aspects of boarding school pale into insignificance against what could happen to this 14 year old girl????

from the sounds of it the OP would be more than receptive if her daughter truly hated boarding and was suffering because of it. This is a last ditch attempt, and IMO very well worth it

Amapoleon · 20/03/2010 20:47

What an awful situation, I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

Adair · 20/03/2010 20:47

It does sound like she wants you to take charge and make the decision for her. Does she understand that if she keeps seeing him, she will be sectioned for her own safety? Do you think she actually wants that, so the decision is out of her hands? She doesn't fight you at home - she could escape your house, of course BUT SHE DOESN'T. This is good and means somewhere deep down, she knows it is not right. So agree, that something radical has to happen.

Ultimately, it's a disgrace that he can't be taken away from her. Gosh, I really feel for you. I understand totally wanting to send her away, and agree on one level.... but oh, she needs her mum... could you do the option of going away together for a bit?

Original poster
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/03/2010 20:56

Have just spent the last hour with DD looking at the various schools discussed, she seems to be very keen on going. She has just had a good blub on my shoulder about what an idiot she has been and is most grateful for her GP's offer to pay fees.

If she really hates the school, of course I would think again but at the moment it looks like my best option.

Once again thanks for all the support ladies, you have saved my sanity today.

OP posts:
WomblesOfRichmondshire · 20/03/2010 20:57

Have you looked at Gordonstoun yet.

It is out in the middle of nowhere. They are very focused on the pastoral side of things, get children involved in various community services and opportunities they might not get elsewhere.
Would getting a buzz out of sailing their 80ft yacht distract from her present life?

They are part of the RoundSquare Schools and follow Kurt Hahn's philosophy.

This weeks quote is "The harmony which can arise out of conflict is a different thing from the harmony superimposed by bureaucratic authority." Which I think speaks volumes about the place.