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Original poster

Help me get over my irrational fear of sending my children to the local state schools.

347 replies

thedolly · 26/08/2009 11:25

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

I have also posted this in AIBU as I feel I need a good kick up the backside.

Has anyone gone from private to state? I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 26/08/2009 19:58

So the state schools have pictures of gurning waifs and miserable obese childrenon their websites do they???

PMSL at you.

And your happy, smiling, healthy looking children.

What a lovely view of the world you are passing on to them. I'm sure that they will become aspirational adults with a well rounded view of life and an ability to engage with individuals from all backgrounds without judging on appearances.

.

fanjolina · 26/08/2009 20:02

OP, you are a bit of a knob

Lilymaid · 26/08/2009 20:04

gurning waifs at state school in area where OP may move to.
The children presumably look even more wretched in place where she currently lives.
She really does need Xenia to back her up!

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 20:07

LaDiDaDi - sort of.

Obviously I know the children who attend the local schools and whilst they are nice children - I prefer mine .

My DD is a young 8 year old and the local children of her age are just so much 'older'.

OP posts:
ingles2 · 26/08/2009 20:07

Come on Dolly, be honest... what you are really concerned about is what it says about you, having to send your dc's to a state school and a ridiculous fear of them mixing with "not your kind" isn't it!?
or are you saying you have no faith in yourselves as parents and are therefore unable to instill any aspirations in your children?
or perhaps you have no faith in your dc, and that without a paid for education, they will be led astray by those with no aspiration???
I suggest you stay put (in your very nice house) and go to work to pay for that education.
Because unfortunately, I get the sense your snobbery is so deep rooted, that it will be clear to every other parent and you (not your children, but you) will struggle in the state sector.

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 20:09

Lilymaid - they are not the gurning waifs which is why I am contemplating moving there.

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 26/08/2009 20:12

Xenia wouldn't agree with thedolly completely, I imagine she would say earn more than your dh and get on with it.

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 20:13

fanjolina - I would never call anyone a knob, but with a name like fanjolina I guess I shouldn't expect anything else.

ingles2 - the opposite is true, I can honestly say that by choosing to privately educate my children I have alienated myself to a certain degree from my 'peers' whose children all attend state schools.

OP posts:
Doobydoo · 26/08/2009 20:13

I don't think you are a snob thedolly.Agree with some of the things you mentioned.Hope you find a solution that suits you and your family.

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 20:15

Thank you Doobydoo .

OP posts:
ingles2 · 26/08/2009 20:20

Thedolly (a very aspirational name btw ) I'm sorry, but I sincerely think you are kidding yourself... If the opposite was true you wouldn't have a "fear" of sending them to a state school. You may well have alienated yourself from your peers making the private decision, so even worse to have to step "down" to state eh? I imagine you'll be gossip fodder for quite a while.

LynetteScavo · 26/08/2009 20:21

Hmm...Xenia would be bemused by your choice of prefession.

It is perfectly possible to be a snob about your childs education. Snobery about education is rife within the state sector...there are state schools I would not send my child too because I'm too snobby....just like there are areas I won't live in because I'm too snobby (these aren't the cheapest areas, by the way) Thre were people on the playground of DS1's old school who were gob-smaked that I was moving him from an "outstanding" state school to a "good" one.

thedolly, you seem particulary suseptable to marketing. you really need to scratch beneath the surface to find out the truth.

fanjolina · 26/08/2009 20:23

Sorry dolly, I take it back

You are a complete knob

mrz · 26/08/2009 20:24

Perhaps your fear is that you have alienated yourself from your peers and if forced to take them away from their private school you will no longer mix with other private school parents so fitting in nowhere?

harpsichordcarrier · 26/08/2009 20:25

"When I look at the websites for independent schools what I see are happy smiling healthy looking children smiling out at me - it is not always the case with the state school websites."

lololololol
that really is very funny.
actually I am starting to wonder if you are for real.....

hercules1 · 26/08/2009 20:28

Yes, I am a teacher and love it!

I just find it ironic that the op goes on about aspirations yet is relying on her partner to fund them! As I said, I hope my kids aspire to more than having a partner who can afford things they cant!

I have no problem with private schools just the madness that the op doesnt want her own kids mixing with less beautiful children.

Lilymaid · 26/08/2009 20:29

"When I look at the websites for independent schools what I see are happy smiling healthy looking children smiling out at me - it is not always the case with the state school websites."
That's what reminded me of Xenia - she came out with something like that on a past thread. But, yes, Xenia would tell OP to go out and earn loads of money and not depend on men.

LynetteScavo · 26/08/2009 20:32

Well, Xenia also think STate school s don't offer many extra ciricular activities.

In the trhead tit;le the OP aks for help to get over her irrational fear of sending her chilren to the local state schools.

So, can anybody help her with this?

Maybre she could link to the school in question?

BonsoirAnna · 26/08/2009 20:33

"I am not sure if I would like my dd to be a teacher. I hope she finds a job that she loves as muc as I love mine, but I would like to think she would not need to work as hard."

I don't know what worthwhile graduate career doesn't involve a lot of hard work that is tough to combine with family life...

myredcardigan · 26/08/2009 20:40

Look; The best independent schools are always going to offer better facilities and better extra curricular stuff than even the best state schools. That is an economic fact. Dolly seems to be confusing this with quality of education. It is not a fact that an excellent state school cannot offer just as good a quality of education as a good independent school. That is the irrational fear and misconception that many, many fee paying parents hold.

If our financial security collapsed and we had to move our kids to the local state primary, I would lament the loss of the amazing facilities they have at they disposal but I would not worry that they were not being properly educated. Our local school is outstanding and I'm sure they would do very well there.

BonsoirAnna · 26/08/2009 20:42

myredcardigan - do you really believe that, though? There are subjects where independent schools regularly do much, much better than state schools at A level (modern languages, for example).

Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 20:42

When I say that I have alienated myself from my peers I just mean that I can't talk to them about my 'irrational fears'

One of my friends has a DH who has a great job in the 'city'. He was comprehensively educated and although he interviews people that have been privately educated and is impressed by their self confidence etc. he is determined that his children should be state educated as he thinks it is 'character building'. His wife was comp. educated and went to Oxford and she would like to privately educate her children.

Another of my friends would love to educate her children in the private sector but it doesn't fit with her husbands socialist beliefs and she has no knowledge of how it works and is a bit in awe of it all.

So you see why I am looking for advice on MN.

OP posts:
Original poster
thedolly · 26/08/2009 20:46

myredcardigan - it's not that they wouldn't be properly educated that I fear but more that they would be 'switched off' education.

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 26/08/2009 20:47

Anna, TBH, I was thinking about primary more. I do believe that the very best state secondary schools can compete academically.

You are right about MFL though. The main reason being that the majority of the pupils have been learning a MFL regularly since they were 4/5.

myredcardigan · 26/08/2009 20:52

Dolly, that would be a reasonable fear if the school was very poor but most state primary schools are staffed by teachers who enjoy their job and enthuse the children they teach. That is an irrational fear that you child will somehow become feral and start acting like Kevin and Perry if exposed to state education.

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