Help me get over my irrational fear of sending my children to the local state schools.

[thedolly]

ATM we live in a semi rural area and the DCs are at a Prep School. We are very happy with the school but the money to pay for it will run out eventually and I will end up working to pay for school fees.

Should we just stay put (in our very nice house) and brave the local state schools or move to a place where house prices are very expensive but the schools have a good reputation?

I have also posted this in AIBU as I feel I need a good kick up the backside.

Has anyone gone from private to state? I suspect it is a bigger adjustment for the parents than the children.

I doubt whether a 5 yr old knows the difference! If they do know it-I very much doubt whether they understand it.

No, the real bugger is that top notch state schools where young people are happy, achieve their potential and are successful are not available to everyone.

It's wrong that some people live in areas where they don't have that available, and end up with the pressure of inadequate schooling or the pressure of parents feeling they need to pay.

The school I linked to, floaty?

It was my mothers old school - I hear it has a good reputation, but don't know any more than that, sorry.

That was in response to litchick's post btw

thedolly - we all want to get it right for our kids, of course we do.
But there are many ways to skin a cat. As long as you use your efforts to support them you have nothing to beat yourself up about.

Sorry-after a length of the thread I had forgotten that they are already at prep school so ignore the last post! I still don't think they will be bothered as long as they have friends and are happy.

Litchick - did you worry that you might run out of money one day?

I would have thought running out of money would be everyone's worry. It would be one of the things that would put me off the private route. I would save up for university-that is a frightening thing these days and likely to get worse!

We are extremely fortunate in that our income has exeeded our outgoings and so we have money set aside and invested for a rainy day.
I don't think I would have embarked on private education if we were solely paying it out of income. Many do of course but I never liked having a mortgage so school fees on top would have knocked me off my perch.

Thanks Lynette,just a long shot!

Well done/lucky you Litchick

So does that mean you are a successful author?

I am doing okay.
And before I began writing full time I was a lawyer for ten years. DH is also a lawyer. We have alwys worked our arses off, spent little and saved a lot.

We have also spent little and saved a lot - I guess we'll be able to spend a bit more now.

I have decided to hand in notice of DC leaving to the Head at the start of term with the proviso that we may withdraw it.

I then plan to look around our local schools and meet with the Heads and unless I am put off (which the good people of MN have assured me I won't be) they will be making the move in Jan.

Do I sound like I am giving this a fair go?

Sounds like a plan dolly! Go for it!

absolutely you do.
It will be fine.

And if the schools turn out to be not for you, go to plan B.
Don't allow yourself to feel trapped and without options.

Good luck. Make a list of question before you go.

Sounds good

Make sure you go in with an open mind

and write down in advance what questions you really need the answers to

good luck x

Litchick - is plan B to stay put and do nothing except cross fingers for perfect job/scholarships etc when DS2 is 5/6?

Plan B must be whatever you want it to be
-get a job
-move to an area with different state schools
-Home Educate
I'm a firm believer in taking control of a situation and ensuring that there is always a back up plan.
But hopefully it won't come to that and you will be happy with your local schools ( or at least one of them) and there will be places available.

Glad you made a decision. FWIW my children are in state schools despite us being fully able to afford private for both of them. Off the top of my head the dads in the class include a hospital consultant, at least half a dozen City lawyers, the Financial Director of a PLC, at least another 6 accountants & 2 IT directors. They're just the ones I know about. The mums I'm friendly with include 2 physiotherapists, an HR director for a City law firm, 3 teachers, a barrister and 4 lawyers.

If that's not aspirational I am not sure what is. You'll be fine.

My two sisters and myself all went to our local primary schools and comp. One of the primaries was terrible. Not unpleasant to be in, but we did no work.

However, between us we have about 12 A grades at A-level, a couple of Oxbridge degrees and several professional qualifications.

I'm not sure that we could have done better in a selective independent school...actually in our local indie schools we would probably have had less opportunities.

How children achieve is to do with who their parents are and their own innate intelligence; schools make very little difference. A bright child with professional parents will probably go on to University. A bright child with a young single mum probably won't.

So, I don't think you need to 'brave' the state sector...just embrace it.

However, if you are very against something there is always the danger that every thing you discover wrong with the school (and all schools have things wrong with them) you will worry about more than you would have done in the private sector.